To commute or tough it out

College Confidential Community
1

<p>I am a first year student at a really great college. I love the campus and my classes. I live 10-15 minutes away from home but I am living on campus. My roommate did not show up on move in day and it took almost 5 lonely weeks until I was able to move in with the girl across the hall. I am a very independent person and I thought I was ready for college and ready to live in a dorm however, I am not happy here at all. I experienced a large burst of homesickness that I never expected.I am not at all usually emotional and I hardly ever cry however, I have cried almost every single day that I have been here. I am from a very close family and I have a boyfriend who is still in high school. It wasn’t all homesickness and alot of it was being very very overwhelmed and lonely. Yes it has gotten a bit easier but I am not sure if living in a dorm is right for me. </p>

<p>Even tho its only been about 6 weeks, I have already learned alot about myself. I know that I really like a schedule and a place to go to at the end of the day. Living on campus, I am not happy. There is no separation between school and everything else. I return at the end of the day to a small room that looks like the rest of the campus. I would much rather live in an apartment or at home as dorms dont really prepare you for the real world. When are you ever again going to have to share this tiny space and bathrooms with a bunch of other people? Sure it teaches you independence but I have been independent for years. The only thing that my parents would do for me was cook my meals and pay the bills. They never had to tell me to do my homework or wake me up for school. I feel like the only reason I would need to live in a dorm is to leave the nest which I am not sure I am ready to leave though I know I will have to at some point. I have been going home every weekend and it gives me something to look forward to throughout the week however, I get really upset on sundays knowing that I have to go back.</p>

<p>Living here isnt horrible but I feel like i have got this idea in my mind that makes it difficult to enjoy college more. I have this feeling that if I live so close, why can’t I just live at home. I also have too much time on my hands that allows me to dwell on this more than I should. My dad works at my college so I could easily come in with him in the mornings and leave at the end of the day. I also realize that I would miss a social aspect but I am already in a few clubs and have a group of friends. I live close enough that someone could easily come pick me up or I could take the bus home. Money isnt a problem as my parents are willing to pay for me to have the “college experience”. I feel like I would do so much better if I computed as I feel that I would focus more on my school work and what I want to do with my life without having to deal with the gross bathrooms and everything else. Many people who know me well from high school including my parents think I need to just stick it out cause I can do it and I think I could but I can’t get that thought out of my head, “why stay here when you can be at home?” Maybe if I went to a school farther away then I would be forced to adjust but I really like my college and dont want to transfer. I’m not saying that I would stay at home forever. I’m thinking that I could trying commuting with my dad for the second half and maybe all of sophomore year while I adjust and focus on finding a major and the live in an apartment or a suite junior and senior year. I have had a lot of mixed reviews on what I should do. My parents tell me to just focus on now and getting through my classes which is good advice but this has really been troubling me and I was wondering what anyone else thought? </p>

2

<p>Can anyone please just respond with any of their thoughts? I don’t know what to do and I would really appreciate any feed back.</p>

3

<p>If your father works there, do you get free tuition? Would you get free tuition somewhere else through a tuition exchange? Free tuition may be more important than your social life, especially if the school is good.</p>

4

<p>If you can, start with small solutions and work your way slowly up to the big ones.</p>

<p>Since you enjoy having a schedule, and the closeness of your family, and since your dad works on campus, why not see if you can schedule a daily breakfast/lunch/coffee with him every day? Something to add a little touch of home and a comforting routine to your day.</p>

<p>In addition, it can help to join an extracurricular club or two. Anything that adds something enjoyable to your schedule, something that isn’t class. </p>

<p>When I first went to college, I saw a <em>lot</em> of people go through what you are going through, including myself. Some take the adjustment to being away from home much harder than others. For most, it’s uncomfortable but manageable, which I have always believed is the state in which you are most primed to learn and grow. But for some, the discomfort becomes overwhelming.</p>

<p>And I know that overwhelming feeling makes it awfully tempting to flee right back into the nest, but I encourage you to try some little adjustments like “Coffee With Dad” and clubs first. When you look back on your life in the future, you’re going to see those times when you were kind of uncomfortable but getting along anyway as some of the richest and most influential times of your life.</p>

<p>College is your time to expand and stretch more fully into yourself. If you’re stretching so much it’s painful, just ease up a bit until you’re only feeling “the burn”, not the pain. You’ll find that sweet spot.</p>

5

<p>Maybe start by spending evenings at home, then transition to the dorm? It will teach you a lot about independence. I find people tend to do a lot of growing up when they live alone and dorm living can also be lots of fun when you make friends in your dorm. </p>

6

<p>Is there anything wrong in stretching the adjusting out over time? Like commuting the second half of my first semester? I have four years to adjust and grow. I have joined a great club that I really enjoy and I do see my dad often. I think I would have liked to live at home my first year so I could have eased my way into college. My mom is really against me commuting as she wants me to get the full college experience and get away from my home town. I just don’t know what I want out of my college experience and I am so close to my hometown anyways its not like im really leaving it. I would just rather live in an apartment or at home.</p>