I’m now a sophomore, but last year in my freshman year I went home every weekend except maybe once or twice. I’m not sure what to do because I originally planned on going home every other weekend but now I’m thinking I should go every weekend. I don’t have a meal plan this year so that’s one of the reasons why I want to go home, so I can grab snacks/food because I don’t have a kitchen in my dorm. Also, I’m an introvert so going home kept me sane after constantly being surrounded by people all week. I didn’t make any friends freshman year but I did have friends from high school at college so its not like I was completely alone. The reason I didn’t make friends I guess was because I didn’t try to be honest. Also, my gpa at the end of the year was a 3.9 so I don’t think my academics were affected. Anyways, this year I got a job so hopefully I can meet people there and also I’m going to join a club for sure. I guess after all that my main question is, should I continue to go home every weekend or every other weekend? I can definitely see the pros and cons in both situations but I’m just extremely indecisive. Thanks for any help.
Maybe try going home once a month to start. You will not make as many friends if you are not around to meet them and weekends are prime free time. Bring enough snacks and food. Do you have access to a fridge and microwave?
You are living on campus, so you’ve decided you want the on-campus experience, but you’re not getting the full benefit if you keep putting obstacles in your own path:
- dorm room, no meal plan: I do not understand how someone does this - if it's financial, maybe choosing a closer school you could have commuted to would have made more sense. Without a meal plan or a kitchen, you are forced to either pay full price for food on the open market (vs. subsidized dining hall meals) or skip meals until you can get home to eat/scrounge for (non-perishable) food to take back.
- high school friends, no college friends: relying on your high school friends for all of your social interaction is again not forcing you to expand your circle so you can more fully embrace your college life.
- home EVERY weekend: students who live on campus but come home every weekend are not going to feel as connected to the school. There is a lot going on usually, or not so much, but you are THERE and usually with others you can share whatever is happening with them.
- introversion: D is an introvert so I get it - you need to carve out a place to quietly recharge your batteries. Home is not the only place to do that. If it can't be your dorm room, then a quiet library, hidden away part of campus, etc.
You getting a job and joining a club are both great ideas. They will give you the extra income you need to eat better and expand your social circle so that will want to stick around campus more. I do not think going home every weekend is a good idea. You want to show your family - and yourself - that you are starting to mature and can handle being more independent. It doesn’t mean you don’t love or miss them - it just means you are trying to grow up. I think @TQfromtheU 's once a month is a great suggestion. It gets easier.
You don’t have to make a black and white all or nothing decision. You can vary up the frequency of trips home depending on what is going on.
Mom here. I’m an introvert, as is my son who is a senior in HS. I totally understand needing alone time to recharge your batteries but now is the time to figure out how to do that without relying on your previous structure. When I was in college it wasn’t an option for me to go home often, and I always had roommates. I found plenty of places I could go for my alone time, and every semester I learned my roommate’s schedule so I could have some time by myself in our room. It was uncomfortable at times the first year of college but living in the dorms also made it easier for me to figure out my parameters. Certain kinds of social gatherings were great for me (usually club meetings where I could be in the group but didn’t have to talk much if I didn’t want to), others were not my thing at all (big loud parties where I knew almost nobody) and still others were fine occasionally but usually required a bit of solo down time to recover (small casual parties where I knew many people, concerts, etc). I wouldn’t have explored those parameters if I’d had the opportunity to spend every weekend at home, and I learned a lot of important things about myself and how to navigate the world as an introvert.
Is it at all possible for you to get a meal plan now? I ask from a mom perspective (getting fresh foods and hot meals instead of shelf-stable items you bring from home) and also from the social perspective of a fellow introvert. If you get into a regular routine of going to meals with a group, you might start to feel comfortable enough that the meals don’t trigger your introvert instincts anymore. Just like eating dinner at home with your family probably doesn’t cause you to need alone time to recharge, you can get into that kind of safe routine with some of your friends.
I also think once a month is a better plan for home visits. Good luck.
You’re an adult. If you want to go home, go home. There is no right or wrong answer.
Do you know why you didn’t make any friends freshman year? It is because you went home every weekend.
Why not try making friends at school and not going home? Give it a try and see how it works out. Get a meal plan or ask your parents to give you money and do your own shopping.
Agreed. If you didn’t make friends but wanted to, it’s not too late to join clubs or activities.
I think you should just let it happen - if you want to go home one particular weekend, go home. If you want to go to a football game or a campus event on a Saturday, stay on campus.
The food thing is somewhat of an issue, because cafeterias tend to be very social. If you don’t have a kitchen in your dorm, you should at least have a way to store snacks. Get a mini-fridge and see if there is a microwave you can use to heat up food. I shudder to think how bad the food is at your college if you have no meal plan at all.
You have been in college long enough to join the group of students in your major for activities, and look into having an internship or co-op in the summer or next school year. I suggest focusing on one fun club or activity, and one purposeful club or activity, either volunteer work or towards your future career.
Something like a volunteer spring break activity requires interested students to plan ahead of time for months, and is really worthwhile.
I went home a lot during undergrad and currently go home somewhat frequently now as a graduate student.
Here’s the thing: being away gets easier after a while. I always dread going back to school when I’m at home, but once I’m at school, I dread going home because it’s so much work and a fairly long drive. I adjust wherever I am and am content wherever I am.
So, if you want to go home all the time because you’re homesick, try staying on campus for a full two weeks. I bet you’ll start adjusting. If you’re going home for food or other family obligations then that’s different. Everyone has their own situation, so you can go home as frequently or infrequently as you like.
There’s no right or wrong here, but part of being in college is learning and growing as a person. Being away from home for longer stretches of time can be a great example of such growth.
I think this entirely depends on your reasons for going home and what you get out of it. Going home in and of itself won’t prevent you from meeting people, making friends or living a full life in college. There are tons of college students who live at home full-time and are able to do these things and have a fabulous time in college. The question is whether you are using going home as an excuse to avoid doing these things rather than as a way to recharge and catch up with family.
I agree with one of the above comments - why live in the residence halls and not have a meal plan? That sounds expensive, and it sounds burdensome to have to go home every week for the purpose of getting good. It’s probably also not that much cheaper than just getting a meal plan. You should consider getting a meal plan that’s sufficient enough for you to rely mainly on the cafeteria/dining hall for food.
I agree that you don’t have to make the decision now - you can always decide later, and I don’t think you need to be on a regular cadence. If you feel like going home one day, well, go home!