A million years ago, I got married on a Sunday night (in November) - can’t remember the time - it was evening - everybody came (even out of town travelers). I remember just one friend leaving a little early because he had a long drive home.
An evening wedding in November would be a lot earlier than one in June…when it’s closest to the longest day of the year. Is there intent to get married after sundown? In June, that could be 9:00.
If it’s just “evening” that could be any time after 5:00.
I don’t think a 1 to 1-1/2 hour drive for a wedding is anything out of the ordinary. We would stay to the end but please don’t be offended if some friends and family leave earlier. Everyone has their own sleep/commute tolerances.
DH and I attended a wedding last night (for the daughter of good friends). Wedding was scheduled to start at 6:00 Pm and actually started about 20 minutes late. We left at around 11:00 PM – right after the cake was served – not because we were tired, but because the music was so damn loud we couldn’t chat with our table mates.
So just make sure the music isn’t too loud for the older demographic!!
I totally agree about the loud music. The main reason we left the last wedding we were at at 11:30 was the same reason…music just got louder and louder and louder…and by that time, we couldn’t stand it anymore.
I was at a wedding where the bride’s parents asked the band to play at a reasonable volume all evening. The band did not listen. Several times, the bride’s dad asked them to dial it down. This would last for one song or two. Finally he told the, they would NOT receive their final payment because he was going to stop payment on the check if he had to,ask them one more time.
I think that is rude…and even more rude is when the band plays during a sit down dinner…or even dessert.
“and even more rude is when the band plays during a sit down dinner…or even dessert”
I have been at several weddings were it was impossible to have any conversation at all during dinner because of the band.
I hate it when the music is so loud that you can’t talk to the other guests. Half the fun is talking to other people. I would have no trouble going on a Sunday an hour and a half away. And just think, the last day of school, while very hectic doesn’t really involve any serious teaching. Your teacher guests can probably get through the day half awake and then crash later 
Or they can just leave early.
Thanks for the reminders.D and her fiance are signing the contract with their DJ today (October wedding). I will make a note of telling them to make sure the music is not too loud.
I would only consider this an issue for out-of-town guests.
I would not leave a wedding earlier than socially acceptable, i.e. the cake cutting, unless there was some pressing conflict, in which case I would discuss it ahead of time with the hosts.
I don’t consider missing an hour or two of sleep to be a reasonable conflict for most people, but for others it may simply not be possible. At our wedding as well as our other affairs, we had immediate family who were elderly, with health problems and physically unable to attend late evening functions. We prioritized their attendance, and planned afternoon affairs that were IMO every bit as nice as an evening reception.
If invited to a wedding that I wanted to attend, traveling 90 minutes wouldn’t be a problem for me. Sunday wouldn’t be a problem for me either. I think more couples are having weddings on days other than Sunday. I was invited to wedding that was on a Friday night last year.
Thank you everyone! You have made her feel much better. We will be very sure that the music isn’t too loud. That would make me nuts.
Next question. They are planning a wedding cake and ice cream bar, which will be very nice. However, we are all sweets people and the venue has this extra where you can choose 6 cake flavors from an extensive and delicious list and they do miniatures of those flavors. The couple is paying for the wedding, so we are smiling and nodding except when asked (we were asked to view the venue before the contract was signed and I love it and the reason why they chose it). However, would it be overstepping to offer to provide the cake extra for them and, if so, to ask that they have two of the favors be something we like?
zoos, I frankly don’t think it’s worth spending money on – yours or anyone else’s. As a guest, I’d only be having one flavor, and vanilla (or yellow cake) would be just fine with me.
ETA: if there is going to be a passel of kids, I might change my mind. Hmmmm – on second thought, no.
zoosermom, after my daughter’s bat mitzvah, I realized that I had not had a bite (not one!) to eat!
That said, if it’s really important to you, maybe you could offer them some $$$ for something that just doesn’t fit in their budget, and suggest the alternate cakes as a possibility among others.
You really don’t need to worry about desserts at this early date. As they get closer to the planning of the actual meal, that would be the time to think about it. Like choosing colleges and majors, their thoughts may change. I’d wait. That said, most places will do a food tasting with a dessert/cake tasting. Thats fun!! Don’t miss that!
We aren’t planning to offer anything now, but I wondered if it is ever appropriate to offer to pay for a specific thing or if only handing money is acceptable.
We are very big cake people in my family. Huge. And my d has mentioned several times that she would like more than just a traditional wedding cake. There are plenty of options for sweets, though.
Well, then, maybe.
In regard to your overall question, though, I think it is entirely appropriate and gracious to offer to pay for something above and beyond what they can or want to handle.
Its perfectly fine to earmark an item you want to pay for. We are paying for Fri night dinner and alcohol, the flowers/corsages/boutonnieres, and I am going to check our wine cellar to see if we have any wine from the year of DS or his fiancee’s birth (I have from DS #2’s birth year, but not sure about DS#1.). If I do, I will bring those cross country with me to have at the wedding. I forgot about it when we had our engagement party.
Bottom line, whatever you offer to pay for will be appreciated.
Zoos,
Sorry that I am late to the celebration.
Congrats to your daughter <:-P
I am glad that she is loving her school and co-workers.
Don’t worry about a sunday night wedding; they are young. As others have stated, the kids will be out by 11:30 am. Then teachers will just have to make sure their rooms are packed, turn in keys, sign for summer checks (if they don’t get direct deposit) and pick up rating sheets if they haven’t done so. It will be pretty much a dead day for them, which many of them will end up leaving early.
You know how we love a wedding thread, can’t wait to hear the details.
“I wondered if it is ever appropriate to offer to pay for a specific thing or if only handing money is acceptable.”
Sure it is. My parents are doing this for certain things.