To have or have not--children, that is

[driver]

<p>Great short article.

Hundreds of people have written demanding an apology and a retraction for the “disgusting,” “offensive,” “hurtful,” “appalling,” and “shocking” reply I gave in a recent Dear Prudence column. The letter I got was from a woman in her 30s who was about to marry a wonderful man, and they did not want children. What should she tell friends and family members who were asking when they were going to have kids? I gave some advice on how to fend them off—then added five sentences to this effect: Now that her life circumstances were changing, I wrote, she might want to re-examine this decision not to have kids.</p>

<p>I expected my answer would annoy people, but I was surprised by the fury of the response. You would think my reply was the equivalent of running around the streets with a turkey baster full of sperm, impregnating happy childless women.</p>

<p>What I didn’t say in the column was that I understood exactly how the young woman felt. In my 30s, I, too, was comfortably committed to being childless. I, too, had never felt the maternal imperative everyone promised me I would. I, too, looked at my friends with children and concluded, “No, thanks!” Then my circumstances changed when I fell in love with a man who wanted kids. I had to decide whether to let him go, or marry him and agree to have a child.

</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.slate.com/id/2143659/[/url]”>http://www.slate.com/id/2143659/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

[citygirlsmom]

<p>What I see is a compromise being made, that involves a third person, so to decide to have a child because of another person really needs to be thought about, sometimes it is the right thing, you have met a person who is such a good match, those things you weren’t interested in before, change. It is just with a wee little baby, one should be as sure as you can, and not just doing it to please another person, it should please you as well</p>

<p>As for explaining why you don’t want kids, say, why do you ask? Kids are great, jsut not for us…</p>