<p>We have had severe financial problems over the last year and our home reflects it (my term, "a dump</p>
<p>Hey, that’s the beauty of Christmas decorations. If you’ve got an area that needs improving, disguise it with some decorations or something. Or make other areas the focal pts with lights and poinsettias.</p>
<p>My sister once told me to box up all of my junk and tell my guests it was my holiday presents. Just go for it. A guest is hardly in a position to be a pain.</p>
<p>Quote: My sister once told me to box up all of my junk and tell my guests it was my holiday presents.</p>
<p>Wow, this is fantastic! Brilliant!</p>
<p>If you don’t like the look of your house interior, do you at least like your neighborhood a bit? Maybe you can take an after-dinner walk together. It will reshape the evening for everybody, especially you, to get out of whatever troubles you about the inside of your house.</p>
<p>Declare it as a healthy new habit you are trying out for the new year and ask for their support. Lots of people like to walk and actually welcome a breath of fresh air during a dinner party evening.</p>
<p>You are the host, so you don’t have to ask them if they “want” to go with you. Just present it as if it was the next course in the meal. I’d do it for an hour between dinner and dessert.</p>
<p>
To remind everyone this isn’t Christmas Day, it’s another day they decided to visit. I think people are being harsh on the OP. I agree that once the offer is extended that it should stand, however I think it is possible to empathize with the OP that this is a hard thing for her to do with both the relationship of the person being brought, as well as her insecurity with her home right now. Telling her “what do you really care about showing off your home or sharing time with family?” is really very harsh IMO. People that have their hearts in the right place, that want to be with family can still have insecurities. They are not mutually exclusive.</p>
<p>OP, I’m sorry this is causing you stress. I get anxiety when entertaining for any number of reasons so I can appreciate this does not mean the ‘show’ is more important then family. Enjoy your time with your nephew, welcome his stepmother, and just roll with the rest. It will either go swimmingly, or you’ll have stories for family lore. Either way, you’ll know you did the right thing. :)</p>
<p>I’m not sure what is “dumpy” about this person’s home? Need repainting? Then dim the lights. A furniture piece is looking shabby? Then move it to another room or throw a blanket throw over it. </p>
<p>This person won’t be touring the home, so move some of the unneeded shabby things to “closed rooms,” dim the lights (candlelight or Christmas twinkle lights work well), and use Christmas decorations to improve the look of the public rooms.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that a clean house forgives a lot of dumpiness.</p>
<p>I completely understand how you feel. Unfortunately, as you have already invited her, this is not so much a case of whether to invite or not invite someone but a case of whether to uninvite someone. While I might not choose to invite someone, I don’t think I would choose to uninvite them once invited (unless they had done something really awful).</p>
<p>Yeah, my sister is brilliant. This was a party in October and she said I could look really efficient by boxing up my clutter and pretending it was holiday gifts I was ready to ship out, like way in advance. Haha! As if…</p>
<p>I could "read into " the OP something that wasn’t said. I could interpret the OP any way that suited me. Instead, I took the OP at his/her word, and gave an opinion based on just what was written. The OP asked for advice about rescinding the invite.
The OP made no comment that an extended family member was less than welcome. The only reason the OP told us why s/he was considering reneging on the invite was because the house was “dumpy”. The OP then asked if it was ungracious to renege on an invite. The Op didn’t ask for empathy; so I don’t agree that choosing not to express empathy here is harsh. Giving an opinion as the OP asked(and nothing more) based on what the OP told us, is simply to-the-point.</p>
<p>Many years ago I lived in a small house with not much storage…or at least that was my excuse for the clutter. I had an extra small bedroom and when I “entertained” I would move unessential items to that room. Guess what…it was like the Hotel California. Nothing ever came OUT of that room. Now I take the opportunity to create extra garbage bags…am doing so this week in anticipation of DD’s return home tonight.</p>
<p>I use the ‘one hour’ quick clean up method ALL the time!
It actually is my main method of cleaning. Mostly declutter, move papers into cabinets, empty wastebaskets, dust vacuum the main living areas. </p>
<p>NO one is invited to tour our upstairs bedrooms…only good friends invited to stay overnight are invited there.</p>
<p>I do scrub the downstairs bathroom and put out clean towels.
Our funiture doesn’t have rips but it is all well loved/worn. Our dining chairs are sturdy old maple ladderbacks. </p>
<p>I go with the theory that most folks will not be looking to fault my house or tidiness.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Thumper, we had a room like that in our first house. And 23 years ago when I was pregnant with D1, it was going to be the baby’s room. Then… the baby arrived unexpectedly six weeks early, and we had not cleared it out yet. :eek: She was in the ICU for a week, so we were scrambling to get the room cleared, buy furniture, etc. during that time. It got done, but it taught me something about preparing a little further in advance in the future!</p>
<p>OP, I know about your discomfort… I always think my house is not up to snuff for visitors. But I also can remember that when they have shown up unexpectedly or when I couldn’t get to the chores I wanted to ahead of time, it worked out okay and I was always still glad I had them over.</p>
<p>Maybe this is a spot to mention Flylady (just search for the website) if keeping up with housekeeping is your issue. Not for this week, but it has helped me improve my housekeeping AND my attitude toward housework over the past few years. She has great tools on the website, too.</p>
<p>I thank everyone for their responses. I’ve decided not to renege on the invitation to my nephew’s stepmom for dinner. My nephew would feel bad if I did, and I don’t want to make him feel bad. Besides, she’ll be his designated driver - he likes to have a few on social occasions. Last year, we had him stay overnight so he wouldn’t drive home impaired. Happy New Year, everyone!</p>
<p>Good call, hallomar!
I’m sure your nephew appreciates you for it.</p>
<p>Have a wonderful holiday.</p>
<p>I went on Flylady once and about flew out of my skin! We all need different forms of help, but hearing that I needed to disinfect my sinks every night and put on shoes first thing in the morning didn’t do it for me.</p>
<p>Flylady made me think of Mad Men era housewives.</p>
<p>Boy, I could not be further from a Mad Men era housewife if I tried! I ignore a lot of the Fly Lady suggestions (my sink gets a wipe with a paper towel once or twice a week, that is it!). Nor do I put on my shoes unless I am leaving the house. 
But she does help with tips on cleaning a small amount every day to keep things under control. And organizing so you get stuff done like changing filters, or whatever needs to be done periodically around the house. She also sells killer cleaning tools… I love every single item I have ordered off her site, even though I don’t do everything she suggests.</p>