<p>@RBGG: I think we can make some allowances given the age and decidedly amateur status of the competitors in my example! ;-P</p>
<p>I played hockey and golf through college and other sports when younger. I cannot recall someone crying after a loss. I wanted to cry when we lost the state championship but boys just did not cry back then and if I had, the other team would not have even noticed. Not shaking hands and congratulating the victors> That would be an etiquette breach. I probably still would not cry for fear of taking heat from my teammates.</p>
<p>I can recall kids crying after losses when I was a kid. Even in the case of teammates, my reaction to that was, essentially, “Gee whiz, get a grip.” Sure, the phrase, “get a grip” wasn’t around back then, but that’s precisely how to describe how I processed that. The only person I gave space for on that account was our catcher, a rather robust guy who never seemed to have enough money to buy all he wanted at the concession stand after the game. And that was because in our Little League, the winning team’s players received “Win!” tickets, good for 25 cents at the concession stand and I knew how badly he wanted that extra buying power.</p>
<p>Then there were the kids who tried to foment rage in the huddle before a pee-wee football game. There are few things more ridiculous than a baby-faced 11 year-old with his eyes bugging out trying to persuade a bunch of other baby-faced 11 year-olds to get fired up. One of those few things is watching a bunch of baby-faced 11 year-olds jumping up and down on their tippy-toes feigning the rage and intensity that their pal has summoned. “Grrrrrrr!” I had a tough enough time remembering all the plays and audibles and how to block for each one. The thing that gave me confidence was looking over to the far sideline and seeing the other team’s 11 year-olds in their pre-game huddle trying, in vain, to work themselves into a lather. It was a big confidence boost to know that the other team was just as impossibly awkward and inept as we were.</p>
<p>I think it’s not a good idea to restrain oneself from a natural reaction. [Still</a> Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick - YouTube](<a href=“- YouTube”>- YouTube)</p>
<p>In the video, you can see that the mother’s unnaturally unresponsive face drives the baby into attempts to reestablish the bond. I don’t know when this effect ends. I don’t know how you’d test that. I know the “no praise” movement’s gathering steam, but I think it’s not a good idea to take it to extremes. </p>
<p>I think humans are wired to give feedback. I’ve read reports of researchers looking into micro-expressions, which people aren’t even aware they’re creating.</p>
<p>So, what sort of message would not giving an honest reaction send? Could it not be even more manipulative than praising behavior you’d like to see?</p>
<p>Just like the victors singing “We are the Champions”, or some such thing upon winning, crying in front of the victors upon losing is equally ungracious, I think. “Good game”, “you played well”, etc. coming from both sides is what I would call “gracious losing”. Whooping it up and celebrating a big win, and crying when upset by the loss, are all normal reactions, but not when its rubbed in the face of the opposition, in my humble opinion.</p>
<p>I think as D’yer and others are stating, it’s important to keep it all in perspective…Even the Superbowl is “only” a game, not a life and death situation. For high school athletes, I would hope that part of the experience is learning how to lose graciously. Sportsmanship is very important and one of the things I hope my kids will continue to learn thru sports.</p>
<p>Regarding life and death situations versus sports, sometimes they do intersect. I recall my older brother playing prep school football and each year they played a team from a Pennsylvania mining town. Okay, I was in 4th - 7th grade so my perspective was possibly skewed but these guys had sideburns and 5 o’clock shadow before the 1 p.m. kickoff. Some of them had receding hairlines. They were both taller and wider. And all of that may simply be my youthful perspective combined with aging, deteriorating recall…but there’s one thing that I’m certain of and that’s that for this game – and only this game – the school always had TWO ambulances parked at the end zone on standby.</p>
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<p>My wife is one of these researchers. I’m quite certain of this. She can find nuances and subtleties in anything I might say simply by parsing how I projected the words. “It’s HOW you said it.” “It’s the look you made when you said it.” “It’s the tone in your voice.” I’m an open book when I open my piehole and I learn things about myself that I never knew before.</p>
<p>Don’t take life too seriously, no one gets out alive.</p>
<p>The following article doesn’t merit its own thread. The observations stated here don’t dovetail with my observations. I think the French world described here is described in a very commercially self-serving way to generate interest and sell books. This is not an Amy Chua experience…but it is an Amy Chua-wannabe experience.</p>
<p>Anyway, it sort of fits here because I will say this much for the French: there’s no lavishing of praise on the youngsters. The grading scale is 1-20 and 10 is average, 19 and 20 basically impossible and 14 (or 70%) is cause for pride. Just don’t show it! If you get an 18 on an exam, the teacher will frown as she hands you the paper and look at you with disdain for flubbing 19 and 20. And I’m talking about the wee folk.</p>
<p>Another French experience is parents being happy for kids to do their extra-curricular sports under the supervision of coaches and without parents cheering on. I remember some ex-pat moms being absolutely puzzled as to why they didn’t get directions to the venue where the archery tournament was being held. Still, they drove to the nearby city hopeful that they could find the venue. They couldn’t. But if they could, I doubt that there would have been any provisions made to allow them to watch, let alone actively cheer their kids on to bullseyes. </p>
<p>Zen Koan: If parents aren’t expected to show up, do the kids notice that they’re missing?</p>
<p>[Why</a> French Parents Are Superior by Pamela Druckerman - WSJ.com](<a href=“Why French Parents Are Superior by Pamela Druckerman - WSJ”>Why French Parents Are Superior by Pamela Druckerman - WSJ)</p>
<p>I had a hard time relating to the lady who wrote this article. </p>
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<p>DUH</p>
<p>I guess I’m more like the French. I remember eating at restaurant when my children were 1, 6 and 7. There was a 3 year old literally wandering around the dining room, rudely staring at others while they ate. All the while, the parents were sitting nearby. When the kid came up to us, I looked him square in the eye and said, loud enough for the parents to hear, “Go sit down and eat your dinner.” </p>
<p>It likewise baffled me when, at a family gathering, I had to put my 6 month old down for a nap. My cousin also had a baby so mine was in the nursery. Dear cousin handed me a walkie talkie looking thing and said, “Here you go! Now you can hear if he’s crying.” I handed it back to her and said, “Why do you think I closed the door???”</p>
<p>I actually have fewer dinner parties now than when my kids where toddlers and that was before there was a TV in the house! I fed them their own dinner and they disappeared upstairs while we entertained.</p>
<p>So I just don’t get it. I don’t understand the parents constantly fretting over their small kids. Personally, I don’t think they’re doing them any favors. The author of the article goes on about how much happier the French parents seem to be. Does she notice that the kids are too?</p>
<p>Brava, neato.</p>
<p>My favorite (only) child-rearing book is “The Three Martini Playdate”. Thank heaven for the latest arrival, “Go the F to Sleep”. Now, if parents will just start taking these amazing guidebooks seriously…</p>
<p>That is TOO funny! Where were those books when mine were little?</p>
<p>^^Both of those are classics! When it came out, I gave The Three Martini Playdate to so many new mothers - I loved it! And while I loathe the “Fxxx” word, that book is so funny - heaven knows we’ve all had those thoughts!!</p>
<p>I too gave the Three Martini for presents to all the playgroups and book clubs I belonged to, when it first came out!!! Ah, good times.</p>