<p>It has been a while since I posted, although I have been lurking from time to time. I must say I enjoy reading most of the posts, as I find them interesting, entertaining, informative, humorous, and rarely idiotic. I have noticed that there are quite a number of posts regarding long distance relationships, whether one should break up with a high school sweetheart, etc. I have also noticed that there are several posters here that have been in a long, happy marriage with someone they had met when they were young (say, late teens?) My question is, do you think there is a difference, concerning whether a relationship will last or not, on whether the couple has had sex together for the first time, in other words, they were virgins when they met, versus a couple who has had another partner in the past…?</p>
<p>There have probably been surveys done on this, but just guessing…
Having been married for almost 20 years, I’ve come to realize that there are so many more important things that can make or break a relationship than whether someone merely had sex with someone else first. That’s probably the least impactful thing on a marriage. Obviously that doesn’t preclude a couple having problems if one or the other already had serious sexual issues that may or may not have been in existence previous to their courtship (i.e. one is a sex addict, or one is sexually frigid, etc.).</p>
<p>I just realized I said I’d been married almost 20 years, when actually it will be 21 in December. Since I have a 19 year old, I just wanted to clear that up (not that it really matters). ;)</p>
<p>Most important to share interests and enjoy each others company.</p>
<p>This may not be “sex-specific” enough for you, but… When my wife and I were dating and then newlyweds over 25 years ago, she used to say that if she could change one thing about me it was the fact that I had been married before.</p>
<p>That item doesn’t even make the first page of the list anymore.</p>
<p>^ LOL Kluge.</p>
<p>kluge!! I hope that’s a good thing!</p>
<p>“That item doesn’t even make the first page of the list anymore”</p>
<p>LOL. Just did a spit take that almost reached my monitor!</p>
<p>“My question is, do you think there is a difference, concerning whether a relationship will last or not, on whether the couple has had sex together for the first time, in other words, they were virgins when they met, versus a couple who has had another partner in the past…?”</p>
<p>NO. While I think some would like to say that being virginal when married will guarantee a happy healthy marriage… they can’t. Likewise having past partners will not guarantee a failed marriage either. </p>
<p>What will make a successful marriage? A lot of hard work, understanding and self confidence and a willingness to put yourself in second place to your spouse at times. The ability to say I’m sorry and the ability to forgive. </p>
<p>The virgin thing shouldn’t be as important as some make it to be. Whether you are or aren’t shouldn’t matter to your partner. What your partner has to realize is of all the other people you “could” have been with, you chose them. Anyone who can’t figure that part out in a relationship is just going to find something else to sink it anyway…</p>
<p>“What will make a successful marriage? A lot of hard work, understanding and self confidence and a willingness to put yourself in second place to your spouse at times. The ability to say I’m sorry and the ability to forgive”</p>
<p>Love it! That was beautifully said. You are so right.</p>
<p>I don’t agree. I think “never-married” is still an important “list item”. I think many “never marrieds” prefer to marry people who also have never been married before. </p>
<p>I never dated guys who had been married before - I didn’t want to deal with any ex-wives, kids from previous marriages, child support/visitation, and other financial issues – just all the baggage that usually comes with divorce and remarriage.</p>
<p>kluge–just how many pages is this list? :D</p>
<p>I went out with some divorced guys when I was single, but never with anyone who had children. it wasn’t on purpose, just never happenned. Probably a good thing, because I probably wouldn’t handle the whole stepmother -deal with the former wife regularly thing very well. But I digress…</p>
<p>My husband and I met as teenagers and were married shortly after I graduated from HS. We’ve been married 23 years now, and I think that whether either-or-neither of us were virgins when we first made love is completely irrelevant to our lives. It might have mattered a little bit at the time, when we were teens, but in the long run, not at all.</p>
<p>What I posted is absolutely true - my wife did say that at the time, and meant it. I don’t even know if it’s on the list now, to be honest, although we laugh about it from time to time. I guess the point is that it just isn’t an issue anymore - and why should it be? (There is a list - of that I’m sure. I’m made aware of various entries from time to time. But the whole “was married before” thing doesn’t really come up anymore. Snoring, yes. Ex-wife? No.) Things that happened before we were married, before we had kids, before we really started making our lives together - what conceivable difference can they make now?</p>
<p>As an aside, we had some people over for dinner over the weekend - including the guy my wife was dating when she met me, and his wife. All that stuff was a long, long time ago.</p>
<p>I met my husband when we were both 20 or 21, I’d had a serious boyfriend the year before. Wasn’t a virgin… We got married after being together for seven years though some of that time was on opposite coasts. Twenty three years married this summer.</p>
<p>“including the guy my wife was dating when she met me,”</p>
<p>Kinda the same situation, I know of two of her old boyfriends, both nice guys and we’re on friendly terms. Everyso now and then, after a social function where we run across them… I give her a nuge and say “gee, I really was the best you could do…” 
Yea, irritates the hell out of her too. But ya find humour where you can… but being jealous isn’t nearly as funny.</p>
<p>It (prior sexual experience) dosen’t matter at all in the longevity of a marriage. What matters most is Commitment. When we married (22 years ago) the Rabbi said in his sermon that there were three important “C’s” to making marriage last. These were; commitment, compromise and communication. H and I used to joke that the C’s should have been communication, copulation and currency. In actuality…it all comes down to commitment. Period.</p>
<p>One thing I’ve noticed, and I’d really like others’ opinions, is that when I look at all the people I know, happy marriages do not seem related to dating experience. Generally speaking, the more you do something, the more skilled you become at it, so it is reasonable to think that people who dated a lot and thus evaluated a lot of potential partners, might have made better marriage decisions. But that doesn’t seem to be borne out in my (admittedly unscientific) experience. Others?</p>
<p>seiclan, I have to copy my newly married neice on that one!</p>