<p>If she’s a high school senior, I may let that one go. If she smokes regularly, the parents should be able to smell it on her or her clothes or will find her cigarettes. Telling the parents probably won’t change anything because the daughter is old enough that she would likely continue to smoke and just start to hide it better. If it comes up, certainly say something, but for this situation I wouldn’t make a point of it. </p>
<p>The drinking one is more difficult, but since you’re still thinking about it, I think you should say something. I think that’s what you feel best doing. One thing to think about, though, is whether there would be fall out affecting your daughter.</p>
<p>It depends on the child and behavior in question. But I would definitely tell if it a) I had first hand observations, b) it was something I would definitely want someone to tell me about my child, and c) my honest and sole motive was to help the child. In such a case, the child’s wellbeing surpasses my comfort or need for a relationship. </p>
<p>I believe with some basic tact and sensitivity, one can convey what facts they have, without conveying a judgment on the parents or their child. If, despite my best efforts, the parent wants to takes affront, well so be it-- probably not someone I should have a relationship with.</p>
<p>I always ask myself, “Would I want someone to tell me?” Sometimes talking to a parent has gotten me in trouble - one friend’s husband was incredibly abusive and it broke up the friendship for a number of months - I suspect until she found out it was true, but I still was glad I told, her daughter was bragging about doing some incredibly dangerous things.</p>
<p>For me, it all comes down to a mistake I made in high school. I found out an underaged friend was having sex with a man 25 years her senior, he got her pregnant and took her for an illegal abortion. I didn’t tell her parents at any point in this horror story and I have always regretted it and still do. This colored her whole life. I can’t help but think, I wish I had ruined our friendship and betrayed her trust (been a better friend to her than a confidant) and maybe her parents could have stopped this creep before he harmed her any worse. I know that’s an extreme story, but it cured me of staying out of things.</p>