<p>Hi Sagekid,
my ex is an alcoholic/drug abuser, and I removed my children from the situation one day when their father, in an alcoholic blackout, threw a recliner chair across a room, and my 2 children simply sat and continued playing on the floor, the only notice my son took was to keep his one eye on the chair to make sure it didn’t land on him. I did not want my children growing up thinking this was normal life, because it seemed like they already did think it was normal. my son has struggled with his feelings, although he does not show it too well. he remains distant from male figures. he hates alcohol of any type, and when I dated, nobody was allowed to bring wine or beer to our house. I also do not drink at all, ever. My ex eventually went to rehab, and I went to a family rehab program. I am not a big fan of AA, especially the family things. I found the most revered people in these groups were the most suffering…ie) what I would often hear from the “leader” of the group I went to was something like…“my husband came home stinking drunk, had urinated himself, threw my dinner across the kitchen then told me how stupid I was etc etc”, then everybody would say “wow, she sure is great, she works the program and stays with her husband”. meanwhile I’m thinking she’s an idiot, and why doesn’t she just leave. hence, I did not fit in. one thing you said struck me, that your dad sometimes is alcoholic, sometimes not. that’s not possible. he is always an alcoholic. sometimes they stop drinking, and that can be more awful than when they do drink. I don’t know how your dad is. when they stop, they have no support, so they get very angry, abusive, viscious. every time my ex decided he was going to stop, usually about a week into it I would bring him a drink to stop the awfullness. I agree with the controlling thing, I became very controlling, and still have a component of that. My son truly has nothing to do with his dad, I don’t even think about that part of my life, and my daughter does see him, but she was too young to remember the bad stuff. having said all that, I think it’s important that you read the books suggested, and most importantly that you read the “big book” of alcoholics anonymous. It is the story of the founder, and it can give you a few “aha” moments to understand that what you go through, millions of people go through. but that doesn’t make it easier. you truly have to find your way through this, wether it is al-anon, ACOA, a private counselor, (which is the route I went), or any number of other options. since you are still in high school I would seek out a guidance counselor, because they can also start a group of kids of alcoholics, which my son attended in middle school. they learn the basics of what goes on here stays here, confidentiality, all in the safety of a group of kids all experiencing the same thing. Or perhaps you can just have regular sessions with the counselor to talk. I wish you much luck, and do not let your father’s disease define you, detach from it, don’t make excuses for it, and allow him to suffer any consequences of his actions and behaviors. and if your mom is not an alcoholic, it is her job to get you out of that situation, get you the assistance you need, and not have your brother raise you, how utterly ridiculous to even think that is OK, not ridiculous of you to think that, because that is how you survive, but of anybody observing the situation. yes, she is probably dealing with alot of things, just as I did. But her job is to care for her children, and you need to sit down and talk to her, and in some way make her understand that things are not OK, and you need her to be the grown up, NOT your brother. good luck kiddo. I’m here if you need me.</p>