To the dads: What was your experience with the birth of your child

Parent Cafe
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I had an epidural, but it worked on a small section of left side, not really at all on right, and effectively didn’t work for pain relief. Which probably delayed birth. However, I have no idea if that was the placement of the anesthesia, or if it was because of the way my body is put together.
It pretty much sucked though, as I was exhausted, and I would have loved some relief for ten minutes.
I tried to get H to advocate for something to help, like a TENS unit, and I don’t know why he didn’t, they mght have thought it was too late.

This is where a doula would have come in handy. Giving birth at a utilitarian hospital, when you don’t have a Dr that you have even ever met before is far from optimal. Also far from optimal? Having your daughter be in the level three NICU, even for a day, and be assigned the identical nurse & bed, that her sister, who had been critically ill eight years prior had. She is an excellent nurse, it wasn’t that, it was just everything came rushing back and combined with pregnancy hormones, it was overwhelming.
However, it was SO COOL, when her sister got to come back & meet her, and youngest just glomed onto the sound of her voice immediately.

I think whether you get varicose veins and stretch marks are genetics, not even how much you lost or gained.
I don’t really have any, and considering my interior is falling apart, my exterior is in good shape.
I gained about 40 lbs with oldest, even though I only went 30 weeks.
Although I was on complete bed rest for about 15 weeks, so even though I didn’t eat much, thats probably why.
I don’t remember how much I gained with youngest, I was on bedrest for about a month, and only a few weeks. ahead of schedule.
But I was in hard labor for three days, which really burns the calories! I had an party/open house later that week, and I got so many compliments on how I looked, it made me feel like a supermodel!

My kids are 8 yrs apart, which is a larger spacing than many people have. Oldest only had about 15 kids in her class, and after I got pregnant, three other moms, whom I was closest to, became pregnant within the next year, which I thought was funny.

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And bringing this back around to the OP, there is really no point to holding onto major regrets about not being present at the birth of his children (and he sounds like he’s been an involved father since the birth of his children)… But, as many of these stories show, women need support and usually the husband or partner do a good job of providing that (with sometimes additional support of doula, friend, etc). I can’t imagine going through it without my husband. Sometimes that is not possible (single mother with uninvolved father, deployed father,etc.). Hopefully, a doula or trusted friend or family member steps up when the partner is not available.

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I gained over 50 pounds (20+ in one month) with S. I lost it all before I was pregnant with D and barely gained 20 pounds, busy keeping up with S. I lost all of that as well, nursing D for 18 months.

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MODERATOR’S NOTE:
I’ve deleted several posts because 1 was a post highlighting a couple of members and asked “and??” and another couple referenced that post and asked the very obvious question “huh??”

If you want to challenge a poster, ask her to expound on a point, etc., please reference the post (preferably using quotes) to which you are referring. Otherwise, the rest of us are scratching our heads wonders what you are talking about.

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Right, skieurope. Hence the head-scratching, querying. “huh??”, in response to the very puzzling, unclear post that was immediately above it, (which didn’t seem to need a reference point as it was directly below the post that was puzzling).

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It seems like American hospitals use epidurals so much that they don’t have many other good options. It’s too bad when it doesn’t work and then you need general anesthesia, that seems so drastic. I guess if an epidural didn’t work, the old fashioned spinal wouldn’t either. But, there should be “lighter” alternatives. Something called gas & air is used in Europe and that might be what LasMa was referring to from the '50s. Or something similar.

If you ever watch “One born every Minute” on youtube, you’ll see lots of gas and air in the UK.

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@jym626 Understood. Which is why when we delete a post, we try to delete or edit follow-up posts which reference it, since they would make even less sense without the original point of reference.

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True that, @skieurope. The only other problem is that when referencing a post by post number, if some posts get deleted, then the post numbers may then be off, so the reference then makes less sense. :-t Perhaps better to use the quote option.

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I had 4 epidurals. Two of them were not all that great–it seemed like only the front of one of my legs was numb one time.
I was still able to get up on my knees for the deliveries–could still feel my legs somewhat. But I’d had 4 births without medication before that, so even the less than perfect epidurals seemed pretty good. Only one of them was truly “painless”–that was my 7th kid. My legs were totally numb and I was sitting. After a bunch of no-push or one push deliveries, that one took 30 minutes and I couldn’t feel the pushing. I was very comfortable though!
When my 5th kid was born, the (male) nurse-anesthetist came in to give my epidural. Somehow (not sure if it was nametag or he introduced himself) H saw/heard that he had a Cajun name, and asked him where he was from. Turns out that he was from the same small Louisiana town where H’s relatives live and he actually knew H’s cousins. . .so they kept chatting about the town, the cousins, and all things Cajun, totally ignoring/forgetting about me. I was so annoyed–I wanted to say “Shut *** **** up already and give me that epidural!”

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It’s funny these stories of men bonding while some poor woman is in labor!

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My first epidural didn’t completely numb my left side, either. They eventually were able to give me enough, then turn me on my side, and by the time I was ready to push (about four hours later), I was pretty much fully numb. Interestingly, that epidural was given by an anesthesiologist.

Second epidural was given by a nurse anesthetist. It worked perfect on the first go.

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"It seems like American hospitals use epidurals so much that they don’t have many other good options. It’s too bad when it doesn’t work and then you need general anesthesia, that seems so drastic. I guess if an epidural didn’t work, the old fashioned spinal wouldn’t either. But, there should be “lighter” alternatives. "

There is – stadol. Well, not that I know anything about it, but I’ve been woken many times at night by my spouse discussing stadol with some L&D nurse, so I know it’s used :slight_smile:

H couldn’t care less whether his patients have epidurals or not – totally their call - but he’s had more than a few who went without pain meds be very insistent that they have them for the next time around.

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Not having an epidural for a vaginal birth (I didn’t have one with mine and I got through it okay) is a whole different animal than an epidural not working when a C-section is in the cards.

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All I remember about getting my first epidural was that I was in so much pain, I didn’t even feel it (my friend who came in for a scheduled c-section said it was horrific). The other thing I remember was that the anesthesiologist was incredibly good looking.

Or…maybe it’s like the guy who is so much better looking after you’ve had several cocktails-I was so befuddled by pain, and so happy to see my knight in shining armor that he looked really good to me! :smiley:

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All this talk of episiotomies, epidurals, VBAC’s etc., just begs the question (I looked and did not find):

Have any guys come on board to answer the OP’s question (which was directed at dads)? :slight_smile:

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I think we scared off most guys. Why would any guy want to venture into this thread?

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Well, I think all these anecdotes have probably convinced the OP that he made the right decision. :wink:

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And the OP said one of the reasons he “chickened out” was because of all the difficult stuff that can along with childbirth. Luckily, most partners (male or female ) do stay with the mother through all of this. And if not, hopefully someone else steps up to the plate.

I think one or two guys have responded . And yes, the OP probably is wondering why he even had any regrets to begin with, Nrdsb4! Childbirth is not for the faint of heart!

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I doubt that the majority of the 5 dads that frequent CC (only a slight exaggeration!) want to open a thread that just says “Child Birth”… perhaps a change of title is in order if the OP and mod(s) want to attract the dads on here :slight_smile:

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I think you’re right, romani. I don’t think I’d be inclined to open up a thread entitled “Groin Injury.” :slight_smile: