As with parenting in general, I thought I knew so much about it until I actually went through the experience.
And I will forever be in my sister’s debt. She coached me to say “I want an epidural” as soon as I got to the hospital.
As far as deliveries go, I’ve got to say my son’s was by far the easiest… he was handed to me at JFK. No morning sickness, no labor pains, no weight gain, I got to eat and drink whatever I wanted. 
Heck with stories. I want pictures!!!
I am (believe it or not) a crunchy mom, extended breastfeeding, the whole bit. The first tow deliveries were fine. The second was that joyful, transcendent thing we all hear about. I was literally walking to the bathroom within ten minutes of the placenta being delivered. No real recovery time. So I thought about a birthing center or home birth with number three because I was a perfect candidate, but I loved my OB and she was at the hospital. Thankfully because my little charmer changed positions at the last minute and was born with two hands first, grasping and scratching, with elbows over his head. My doctor said she had never had a delivery like that before, and I hemorrhaged. I was very low risk and something went wrong - without good care, PBK might have had damage to his arms or hands.
A good friend from college is a midwife and another friend is a midwife in practice with her OB/GYN H, and all both agree the best of both worlds is a midwife in the hospital when if something goes wrong…which it can…pretty quickly…the resources are there to save mother and baby.
One story about the birth of my youngest:
My husband is a semi-pro photographer. He works part time with a studio, and his pictures are amazing!! His camera equipment is pretty impressive as well.
So of course he brought a camera to the hospital, with very strict instructions that he was taking pictures of the BABY, not me. After all this time together he was OK with my feelings on that particular subject and I had no worries.
So there’s the doctor, stitching me up, and there’s my husband taking pictures of the baby. The doctor realized that it wasn’t your run of the mill point and shoot, and started asking question after question about the camera.
Um, excuse me??? Could you at least pretend to be paying attention to where you’re jabbing that needle as you work on my delicate parts? I realize this is another day at work for you, and that you know your stuff. But it’s… I don’t know-- worrisome???.. to feel as though I’m competing with a camera for your attention as you work with that needle.
We did Bradley and whatever the German childbirth class might have been. (A mix of the best of everyone I think.) But I remember with my first my dh saying you can’t be in labor! I haven’t read about second stage labor yet! (It worked out fine.) I didn’t really want him as a coach - just as positive support.
I told my husband to take me to the hospital, I thought I was starting contraction, he said let’s not worry and sleep on it. I’m glad I didn’t listen to him, I went in around 7pm and fully dilated as in 10 cm by early morning when the doctor made his round. Had I sleep on it, the baby would have been born at home.
Furbaby update. The shelter opens in a half hour so we’re heading out. I’m hoping beyond hope the pup is still there.
And you love him just as much as if you had labor pains and morning sickness (probably more 
).
@oldfort That’s unfortunate, and of course I don’t know your situation, but that’s not the case for most deliveries. Most don’t have emergency C sections. So though it benefitted you to be in a hospital, most would benefit from a more personal experience, something that most hospitals don’t offer. You should definitely check out that documentary though 
Perhaps hospitals need to be improved to increase maternal care. In that case, there would be less of a need for home births. Maternal health is a topic that is very much neglected.
Um, excuse me??? Could you at least pretend to be paying attention to where you’re jabbing that needle as you work on my delicate parts? I realize this is another day at work for you, and that you know your stuff. But it’s… I don’t know-- worrisome???.. to feel as though I’m competing with a camera for your attention as you work with that needle.
LOL.
@calicash, I’m with @oldfort in this situation. You never know what situation you will be in. Hospital is the best option. I didn’t want to go into specific personal situation but both of my kids and also one of my brother’s kid would have been dead without the hospital.
My mom had a wonderful perspective on the “odd are in your favor” argument:
One in a million is wonderful…unless you happen to be that one.
If that “one” means leaving my kids to grow up without a mom, or means my child could be at risk, then one in a million is still too much of a risk for me.
Sorry, “most” doesn’t cut it for me, not if there’s a viable alternative. For my two biological kids, that alternative was the hospital.
I’ll just say again that there is a LOT of infant and maternal mortality in the US… our numbers are pretty despicable compared to the rest of the global north. For every story you can come up with about an infant or mom being saved, I can come up with another about a hospital mistake costing a life.
All of this is just to say that EACH person needs to weigh her options and ignore the propaganda BS on both sides.
OP: My H waited outside the OR door for birth of Kid #1 (planned C-section). When the nurse was prepping me and inserted the IV, he went white as a ghost and had to sit down. The nurse (wisely) told us that everyone in the OR had a job to do that related to me or to the baby, and that if he passed out they would leave him on the floor until they were finished, as they had done with a recent dad who fainted and broke his nose when he hit the floor. H and I looked at one another and immediately said, “He’ll wait outside.” It was completely fine with me then, and still seems like the right choice now, 18 years later.
I will add that Kid #1 has fainted several times from things she thought were “intense” or just plain “gross”: movie in health class about childbirth, movie about the HS medical shadowing program (she’ll be majoring in Business), even just from hearing–admittedly in pretty graphic detail–about someone’s knee surgery. This apple did not fall far from the tree.
Kid #2 was VBAC so H was in the room for that one–but he stayed in his chair in the corner, facing away from the bed, so he wouldn’t see anything. Again, that was perfectly fine with me, then and now (although even his obstructed view sideline seat was probably closer to the action than he would have preferred).
My DH was present for the birth of all three of my kids and he was an AMAZING coach, as there were some situations that were distressing and he pulled me right through them.
We were actually asked to be the subjects of a childbirth education video while expecting our third child, so we had a professional video crew in the room. Also at some doctor visits, at our home for an extensive interview (you can see our older two kids coming in and out of the room) rolling along taking video as I was wheeled in to the hospital, and following us as we walked up and down the halls. We got a BEAUTIFUL video of all that footage…plus some really funny moments. The best was when my IV was started and they turned up DH’s mic because the nurse was asking questions about my health, previous deliveries, etc. As she sticks the needle in MY arm, you could clearly hear DH moan and groan a little.
Months after the birth of our 3rd, another mom in the video and I actually went to a class where they were watching it. Then they asked us questions. It was kinda fun. Oh, BTW, my “modesty” was perfectly preserved because the baby came out much faster than anticipated and the doc didn’t get a hand on her until she was almost completely delivered. They did not really want to show that part----hence my “delicate parts” are never seen on the finished professional instructional video.
The hospital has other risk too, but that is a different risk, not entirely related to childbirth. If you are sick at the risk of dying, do you refuse to go to the hospital because there might be other issues like contamination of equipment or hospital error. The answer for me is still yes.
The good thing is that there is much more information out there about hospitals and how safely they do procedures. You can find out a hospital’s C section rate and ask why. They’ll probably say - oh, we have so many low income women, or oh, we have so many high risk women - and you can take out your phone and say - really? - do you have more high risk women than Johns Hopkins because I can see here that their rate is much lower.
Even Consumer’s Reports is getting in on rating hospitals.
I’m positive there has never been a man who sat through delivery and saw less than H2. They also told him if he feinted or whatever they would leave him on the floor. He promptly positioned his chair in the corner looking out the window.
Both H1 and H2 used “I have to go home and take care of the dog” as an excuse to get out of the hospital. Different dogs and neither of them even liked the dog
My post is unclear. I meant I still go to the hospital instead of free fusing to go if I’m dying.
@Calicash - I can tell you that we took the lamaze class. I mastered the breathing technique, and my kid’s dad learned how to be a good coach. But when the contraction hit and he told me to breath with him, I told him to shut up because it did nothing for me except to irritate me. At that point I wanted to kill him.
At the end of day, I didn’t care “most people” have non-eventful delivery, I just cared about if there was an emergency how my doctor and the hospital were going to handle it. The hospital I picked was where all emergency cases were sent to in my area because they had the best facility. I also reserved a private room because I didn’t want to have a roommate. I really didn’t want to take a chance when it came to my kid.