<p>This is a very abstract prompt among a choice of 3 or 4 other creative prompts and when I first saw it I almost completely ignored it but then I got an idea and wrote an essay. I’d like to hear some feedback on this writing. I wrote it in under an hour so I would hardly even call it a first draft but I more just want to hear feedback on the topic and if I could write a great essay with the idea or if this topic is unique or not. There are some other cool prompts that I intend to write on anyways so if this essay topic doesn’t sound great I might just toss it. Any feedback would be appreciated.</p>
<p>To Tweet or not to Tweet?
I have witnessed the birth, growth, decay, and death of countless social networking sites throughout my upbringing in the age of the internet, however my participation in the trendy world of social media has been far from attentive. “How do you not have an IM?” “AIM is dead, Facebook is where its at.” “You need to get a Snapchat, its the new big thing” “Oh my gosh, you still use Facebook?” As far as I can remember, I’ve always been out of touch with the “cool new thing”, but this is far more intentional than any of my technologically fashionable peers may suspect. Conformity is hugely apparent in the use of social networking, and I want nothing to do with it. I refuse to act in any manner solely to be a part of the popular trend. If everyone mindlessly followed the bandwagon instead of acting on their own interests, change would be nonexistent and progress would be impossible.
To answer more directly: no I do not tweet, nor do I have any intentions on joining this online sensation. For what purpose would I waste my time stalking the uneventful lives of my friends? Even though it may mean living alone in the barren wastelands of apps and sites deemed obsolete, I will never be swept away by the vast wave of conformity in social media.</p>
<p>I know most people say there isn’t a “right answer” to these prompts, but i don’t think you should write this essay against using twitter. The essay is basically saying you are “smarter” than all people who use twitter including celebrities, CEOs, teachers, etc. I understand the essay but I think an admissions committee might be turned off by the premise.</p>
<ol>
<li>Don’t post your essays directly to the forum. They can get stolen which would be bad for you. Read the threads at the top of this forum.</li>
<li>I agree with the above poster. The tone of your essays seems a bit condescending. You make it seem like you are so much better than those who “conform” by using social media and that those who do must be mindlessly conforming to society. This sort of arrogance isn’t the quality you’d like to highlight to an admissions officer (especially since s/he probably uses some sort of social media).</li>
<li>You need a grammar check. Your first sentence is a run-on and is missing a semicolon. You misuse “its” (it should be “it’s”) in your quotations. There are quite a few commas missing, among other things.</li>
<li>Your wording is a bit awkward. It sounds rather forced. It sounds like what my English teacher refers to as “thesaurus talk,” meaning you had a word in mind but then used a thesaurus to come up with a longer word. For example, “my participation in the trendy world of social media has been far from attentive” does not at all sound like something someone would say in a conversation. The word “attentive” is what really throws me off. “Attentive participation” just sounds weird. Maybe try “my participation in the trendy world of social media has been active.” It really sounds like you’re trying to throw as many big words in there as possible, even though they don’t quite fit.</li>
<li>You can write about how you don’t use twitter, but it needs to be in more of a “some people like it, but it’s just not for me” way, not a “idiots like it, and I’m better than that” way. Right now, it seems more like the second.</li>
</ol>
<p>I hope that was helpful and not too critical. I’m not saying anything about you personally (as many posters on CC seem to take comments on their essays as some blow to their character), I’m just giving you a perspective on your essay entirely based on what I read, not what I know about you. Good luck!</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice! Again this was not actually an essay that I was considering submitting more of a brainstorm so I wasn’t too worried about people stealing it and I know it’s poorly worded and grammatically incorrect, but like I said I wrote it in about a half hour and was more concerned with the idea than the structure. Asukumar I don’t think you are right in saying that they don’t want you to write against twitter though. After all, half of the prompt is “not to Tweet”. Beyond that, they are looking for creative responses and if everyone wrote about how great Twitter is and how it connects the world and what not, don’t you think they’d be reading thousands of the same essay. Reading over what I wrote, I definitely see how I sounded pretentious, but I just don’t really see how I could write a strong essay with the premise that Twitter is a good thing, but it’s just not right for me so maybe this prompt’s just not right for me. There are some pretty cool other prompts like “What is your favorite word and why?” so I think I might just toss this one in the old recycling bin and try a new topic.</p>
<p>I kind of liked it. Maybe because I also don’t have a twitter or snapchat. It would work better if you said it with a “I think people should use whatever they like” attitude than a “I’m purposely not using twitter to be hipster and nonconformist” attitude. You sound just as close minded when you say you won’t use things that are popular (even tho you might like them) as the people who follow the bandwagon. </p>
<p>Yeah thinking back on when I was writing it I really changed subjects when I said it was intentional. This was not my initial intention when I started writing I just got stumped and that was the only thing that came to mind so I went with it. I think I might delete from that line up and try again because I think there still may be hope for it, any suggestions for writing on that topic would be welcomed.</p>
<p>I like the tone overall - its cheerful and a little fun, but also sophisticated. I think you are correct, that where you went wrong was the main message got moved from the pros and cons of twitter to a general “anti-conformity” theme. You didn’t actually say why you wouldn’t tweet, other than you avoid all “new technology bandwagons”. That makes you sound like a grouchy middle aged person. Surely there is some “hot new thing” that you do adopt. If you were able to more specifically speak to why you don’t like twitter, it would probably be less “I’m too cool for it” and more interesting. </p>
<p>I’ve edited it and it now has a much more optimistic tone. Basically I said how I’m out of touch with current trends but I’m not worried about it and it doesn’t hinder me in any way using an almost self-mocking tone. I’m taking the advice of not posting my new essay as I actually like it now and think I’m probably going to use it, but if any of you are curious, message me and I’d be happy to share it with you. I’m still open to suggestions here and I really appreciate all of your advice.</p>
<p>I don’t see the condescending tone, but I have a different problem with it. These days, we all talk about not conforming, and that’s fine (although here is a paradox: you’re conforming to the trend of non-conformity). However, you must give a reason for not conforming. What I got out of your essay was: “I’m using Twitter, because I don’t want to conform.” That’s not a very good reason. In fact, it brings up something like this: “I’m not desegregating my school/territory/state, because I don’t want to conform to this new trend.” Conformity is only bad when the trend is inherently bad in some way. Twitter isn’t necessarily bad, until you give a reason for why it is bad for you, specifically. Then, non-conformity sounds a lot better.</p>
<p>fea2020 I completely disagree, they are asking for your opinion on twitter and really social media as a whole, not asking you to promote some product just because they use it.</p>