@CaliMex Agree with much of your point, and support schools searching for kids who want to be there. (Which is why I think we all would agree on this board that no one should apply to a “safety” that they wouldn’t be delighted to attend.) But the romance analogy doesn’t work for me here, because I absolutely think that kids could love a number of schools and could find a happy future at many of them. The Bachelor aside, I don’t that is the case with romance.
Without getting too specific, in my job, I heard advice early on – which was not to take it personally if I am someone’s second choice. Take the work, go knock it out of the park, and make them thrilled that their first choice person wasn’t available. I have zero problem being someone’s second choice in the right context, because I know that I just need to show up and it will turn around. (To continue the metaphor – I would NOT want to show up if someone was super bummed about getting me, a total loser distant plan D, obviously.)
As adults, we can probably all think back to many instances in our lives when we didn’t get what we really wanted but we ended up later looking back and saying: oh wow – that really was exactly the right outcome.
The challenge for schools is to sift out the kids who really do NOT want to attend their school and would consider it beneath them, while NOT sifting out the students who quite honestly might pick Exeter (or wherever) over them, but didn’t get in, and would be delighted to love the school that loves them.
TLDR: Second (or 3rd or 4th) choice in the world of schools, jobs, and life opportunities is OK. (But not in marriage. Just ask Peter.)