Today I was woken by screaming neighbors... again.

<p>Hello Parents. I am not one of you but I acknowledge that you are much wiser than I am, so I am here to seek your advice. </p>

<p>My neighbors have two small children, maybe 3 and 6. I understand occasional crying and arguments, because my opposite side neighbors have two children aged 1 and 4ish who cry occasionally but not nearly as often. The problem, in fact, is not with the children, but with the parents. </p>

<p>I hear the parents scream at the children almost every day, and it goes on for a while. Not just a few sentences, but a whole conversation. It’s usually towards the youngest, I think, because I hear crying on the other end, but I have heard the older one sob and say things like “You’re so mean!” Sometimes it sounds so bad (loud and angry) that I’ve felt like I needed to call Child Protective Services (although of course I don’t know if the children are being hit)! The problem is that I don’t know what the parents are saying (they speak Chinese) and of course, it’s not really my business, although it does annoy the crap out of me, because who wants to hear yelling before 8 in the morning? Or at all?</p>

<p>In the summer it’s worse than usual, because we often have our windows open, but I can still hear them pretty distinctly with the windows closed.</p>

<p>So basically, I’m wondering what I should do. Is there some sort of magical product that blocks noise (NOT earplugs :))? Should I go so far as to talk to the Homeowner’s Association? Our neighborhood is quiet, and I’d like to keep it that way.</p>

<p>I am not a parent but maybe you can leave a letter in their mailbox explaining your situation? If it gets worse from there maybe talk to the homeowners association.</p>

<p>That would be a good solution, but we don’t have mailboxes in my neighborhood, just locked boxes that you can’t slip a letter into. Thanks, though.</p>

<p>This is a tough situation, probably complicated by cultural differences in how children are disciplined. However, if you have serious concerns about the children’s well being you can call and consult with Children’s Protective Services about the situation, without giving details about the identity of neighbors or yourself. This is a way to learn more about what the parameters are and a good worker will help you understand the local laws and how they intervene. Too often CPS is not recognized for the many ways they can intervene and help families in distress. Their goal is to keep families together and to protect kids (not to take kids out of the home unless it is the only option). This would also give you information going forward if you need to organize the neighbors to take group approach to the noise problem.</p>

<p>I understand what you mean, but it really saddens me that there are cultures where “discipline” means yelling at children until they cry almost daily. That’s not right.</p>

<p>If you can’t slip a note in their mailbox, then slap a stamp on it and mail it to them.</p>

<p>If one of the children can say “You’re so mean,” the parents understand enough English. You can knock on their door and tell them to lower their voice. It does not sound like they’re hitting the children, as you probably would hear the slap and the children’s screams. But if you’re suspecting they are, by all means invoke the CPS and the police. And if things don’t improve pronto, call CPS.</p>

<p>Calling CPS should be reserved for the most extreme situations only. Remember that you are interfering with another family’s life if you call. Try and resolve the issue face-to-face before calling CPS. Tell your neighbors that you can hear arguements at 8 am and it is hard for you to study (trust me this is a valid concern for asians).</p>

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<p>If you don’t know what they are saying, I advise you to stay out of it. To some Americans, some foreign languages sound like “yelling”, especially at 8 in the morning. There are many reasons a child can say “you are so mean” to her parents - not letting the kid to have a bowl of ice cream and candy as the main dish for dinner could be one of them.</p>

<p>The family may not be aware that their loud behavior is stirring up the neighborhood. Let them know politely. When the teenages who lived below us decided to take their gossip chats onto their apartment’s patio at 2 am, my H went outside and said to them, “I live above you and I can hear every word of your conversations; I don’t really need to know that you slept with Jason last night. Could you please keep the volume down a bit?” That was the end of the problem.</p>

<p>I’m sorry…cultural differences? How very PC of us. You hear screaming…lots of screaming at a 3 and 6 year old? What can a 3 year old do…spill milk, not clean up toys, or heaven forbid…not learn their ABCs? This is abuse. When you enter our country you become subject to our laws and, yes, our culture. (Honor killings may be acceptable in other countries, here it is first degree murder.) I wouldn’t advise injecting yourself in the middle. Call authorities. Tell them what you have heard. They are trained to handle these situations and this may or may not include: intervention, counseling, parenting classes…or, what you hear may be the tip of the iceberg…there may be some other things going on. You are a wonderful, sensitive person. These kids may thank you some day.</p>

<p>ellebud, it is not cultural differences - it is linguistic diffrences. I used to plug my ears every time my Chinese coworker who sat next to me called her H - I thought she was really angry at him. To an untrained ear, some languages sound like yelling. Mix in some toddler cries, and the whole thing can sound like a horror movie soundtrack (especially to someone who has been awaken by it)!</p>

<p>OP, does your subdivision have a noise ordinance? What are the consequences for its violation?</p>

<p>I’m sorry…read the full post…she hears the youngest one “sobs”. “You’re so mean.” She hears this everyday. Not ok. Yes, linguistic differences do exists. But loving tones or words do not elicit crying and you’re so mean.</p>

<p>If you can hear them clearly, regardless of what language they are speaking they are speaking too loudly. </p>

<p>Knock on their door the very next time it happens and let them know you can hear the parents; please do not complain about the child, lest you supply the parents with yet another reason to yell at the kid.</p>

<p>I would have to agree with ellebud.</p>

<p>I understand how the linguistic differences can be tough. But there’s a difference between a little kid whining and flat-out sobbing. </p>

<p>It sounds like these children are scared to death of their parents…and that is never okay. Children have a right to feel safe in their own homes.</p>

<p>Mail a letter to them first, and let them know that if things don’t improve you’ll have no problem going to the authorities.</p>

<p>HGFM - how many 2 year olds have you raised (not babysat)? My friend’s kids cried and screamed non-stop for no apparent reasons when they were that age. Yes, they were flat-out sobbing, rolling on the floor and kicking the walls when their mom, one of the most loving and patient people on this planet, would not let them have their way (e.g., candy for dinner instead of chicken, peas and carrots). If one could hear their screams and cries, he’d think the kids were being murdered :rolleyes: The crying and screaming magically went away as the kids outgrew the “terrible twos”…</p>

<p>The family in the OP needs to know that they are violating the noise ordinances; Homeowners’ Association approaching them is a good starting point.</p>

<p>Years ago we were in a similar situation. We agonized what to do - and as result didn’t do anything. One evening, as we were coming home, we noticed a police car at the neighbor’s. We could hear enough to gather that officers had warned the family – something to the effect, any more calls to police and we’ll have to take action. Turns out their neighbor on the other side of their house had called authorities. The family quieted down considerably. All it took was that one warning from police.</p>

<p>I always find it interesting when people start to say, “Our country, our cultural.” What make you think this is not their country, just as much as this is your country. Just because they speak Chinese it doesn’t mean they are not Americans, no less than people that speak Italian, French or German…</p>

<p>If the kids are screaming and crying a lot, there maybe some problem. FYI - Chinese tend to over indulge young children, if anything. There is nothing in the “culture” to make kids cry everyday. I would knock on the door to let them know you could hear everything that’s going on in the house, even with windows closed. It may put them on a warning that you may step in/report them if necessary. If things don’t improve I would report them.</p>

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<p>Wow.</p>

<p>No, I’m not a parent. But I’ve spent enough time around kids to understand the basic difference between a temper tantrum during the terrible twos and a problem. </p>

<p>In my experiences, temper tantrums are isolated incidents that do not occur every day such as the OP is describing. And from what OP has said, these kids are honestly crying, not screaming. Like I said, there’s a huge difference. I’ve rarely heard kids honest to goodness crying unless there’s something wrong.</p>

<p>Sorry, but to be honest there is, with variations and permutations, “our country, our culture.” What is permissable, acceptable and yes, legal varies from country to country. I have used this example before (and I am not saying that this family is abusing their children) about culture and country but here goes:</p>

<p>A woman in Chicago was arrested for child abuse. She had taken a knife, santized it, and drew lines on her son’s face. The cuts were deep enough to draw blood. This was done over the course of several months. The woman was arrested for child abuse. Her attorney argued that the woman, from Africa, came from a tribe where this ritual of scarification was necessary to prove the boy was a man. If they were to return to her native country her son would not be considered a man if he did not have the prerequisite scars. </p>

<p>The judge ruled that the woman was guilty of child abuse. They live here and are subject to our laws and the definition of such laws.</p>