Today's my birthday and I'm writing an essay. Please critique?

<p>Colgate essay.</p>

<p>I’m worried it sounds too …like I’m trying too hard to impress or something. I don’t know if it says enough about me.</p>

<p>Please add me to IM or email me @ <a href="mailto:ilovejasonmraz@gmail.com">ilovejasonmraz@gmail.com</a><a href=“that’s%20not%20my%20primary%20email%20address,%20heh”>/email</a> and tell me if you’re adding me because I’m not signed in at the moment.</p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

<p>i ll give feedback…hurry!</p>

<p>I’ll be happy to read it. PM me.</p>

<p>Surely… just PM it and I’ll edit/give general response.</p>