<p>My oldest sister is 16 years older than I. She was stuck taking care of me for a lot of my childhood because our middle sister was terminally ill. Sister 1 resents it to this day. I can’t imagine what she would have liked my parents to do. I hope the Duggar girls don’t have that level of resentment, but they certainly don’t seem that way.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine what she would have liked my parents to do</p>
<p>Feelings don’t have a lot to do with logic. It is also possible that knowing your parents didn’t have any choice made it worse, because then she may have been feeling guilty as well as resentful.
Still it is hard when we can’t leave our baggage behind when we become adults.</p>
<p>No one has brought up what ticks me off the most about their announcement. Michelle Duggar’s proclamation that “God was willing” to give them another baby. SHe was so happy that “He saw fit” to give them a baby.</p>
<p>that made me speechless for all the infertile couples or couples who have lost a child, etc. She is directly saying that God chose not to give those families children. It is beyond cruel.</p>
<p>“I really wonder what the <em>real</em> most births is now.”</p>
<p>Well if it’s high thirties then Mrs. Dugger has PLENTY of time to rein in the record. Go Mrs. D!</p>
<p>that made me speechless for all the infertile couples or couples who have lost a child, etc. She is directly saying that God chose not to give those families children. It is beyond cruel.
Well ya know how you have a " bit" of a brain fog when you are pregnant?
…just sayin…</p>
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<p>It also absolves them of any responsibility. Oops - sometimes God gives children to people who are on welfare too. Good thing it’s not their fault either.</p>
<p>“SHe was so happy that “He saw fit” to give them a baby.”</p>
<p>This is just the way many persons in the heartland speak. (You wouldn’t believe some of the Christmas family newsletters I get from out there.) I’m sure she meant nothing by it.</p>
<p>“SHe was so happy that “He saw fit” to give them a baby.”</p>
<p>This is just the way many persons in the heartland speak. (You wouldn’t believe some of the Christmas family newsletters I get from out there.) I’m sure she meant nothing by it."</p>
<p>Oh no, I think she LITERALLY means it! They don’t practice birth control because they leave that up to God! SO God apparently doesn’t want to give some couples children, but some poor teenage girls he DOES want to have kids??</p>
<p>I know there are some fundamentalist churches that seem to preach about God’s will - like everything in your life (getting a job, finding a spouse, getting a super parking space 
) is God-given. </p>
<p>It just strikes such a nerve with me to insist that God decided to put this baby in her womb.</p>
<p>I helped with my sibs–older & younger. Fortunately, I mainly tutored whomever needed/wanted it and proofread/typed until I escaped by going off to college. I had NO desire to rush into marriage or have any kids until I felt good & ready (age 29). We have only two and I am very happy with that number. I feel it is the parents’ job to parent NOT the kids’ job to be JR parents. If they CHOOSE the role willingly, more power to them, but it’s hard to say that there is a lot of “free will” when a young child is saddled being JR parent to an infant or toddler.</p>
<p>I took on the mantle when I was in middle school & shrugged it off as soon as I could & have mom resume it (she went back to grad school & also was visiting her mom in the convalescent home). Bringing 20 more people into an overcrowded world doesn’t seem like a great role model to me. If that makes me a “hater,” OK, that’s how I feel.</p>
<p>“Oh no, I think she LITERALLY means it!”</p>
<p>I’d say it’s a statement for public consumption. Regardless of how much “help” God provides, heartlanders have as many difficulties as the rest of us.</p>
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<p>I really don’t think that’s what she meant at all. </p>
<p>I can’t have kids due to a medical condition (or at least it’s going to be very, very difficult) and I did have one person who said, to my face, that God didn’t want me having kids because I am bisexual and don’t believe in a Judeo-Christian God. <em>THAT</em> was cruel. I think you’re putting a bit too much meaning behind her words. </p>
<p>But hey, maybe she does believe that infertile couples deserve it- but I’m not going to assume that simply because it’s cruel and I don’t assume people are cruel.</p>
<p>Yes to post #110. I understand all the negative posters have a right to discuss, disagree with, etc. the Duggar’s choices. Heck, I disagree with many of them! Judging is different than discussing or disagreeing, however. It seems to imply that somehow the person judging is “right”. I have a hard time with that.
FYI, the Duggars expect critcism. They are not stupid people. They continue to confront this criticism with diginity, which I think is pretty cool.</p>
<p>“It seems to imply that somehow the person judging is “right”.”</p>
<p>Yes, it does. I take it, though, that some posters perceive this pregnancy as an act of reckless disregard for the interests of the first 19 children, especially the younger ones. I can’t fault people for believing there’s a right answer when it comes to children’s needs. It’s impossible to avoid issues of right and wrong in a discussion of little kids potentially losing their mom.</p>
<p>“… some posters perceive this pregnancy as an act of reckless disregard …”</p>
<p>Amen Sister. I’ve said it before … I don’t understand why more women don’t do the “right thing” and have a couple dozen kids. Pure selfishness I guess.</p>
<p>[Urban</a> Dictionary: sarcasm](<a href=“http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sarcasm]Urban”>Urban Dictionary: Sarcasm)</p>
<p>One of the things that bothers me about the Duggars is that they are not just quietly raising their large family, they are seeking attention because of the number of children they have. Their only claim to fame is being a huge family.</p>
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<p>Let me clarify . . .I don’t think she intends to say that she thinks infertile couples don’t deserve kids or even that God chose not to give them kids. I think if you asked her straight up she would not say that God denied an infertile couple.</p>
<p>But, to me, hearing her say that God saw fit to give her another baby, I can’t come to any other conclusion. The converse of what she is saying is that she was given something that someone else was not.</p>
<p>I realize this is a sore subject for me, but I am so tired of all the platitudes I have heard from well-meaning people over the years. Friends that have lost children have been told “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” meaning, I assume, that the most faithful/strong endure the worst? If only I’d been a weaker person, maybe my baby would have survived??</p>
<p>Or “your son/daughter is in a better place” How can this be? Wouldn’t the best place for her to be be in the arms of her parents and siblings?</p>
<p>I know they are well-meaning, but they sometimes give Christianity a bad name by spreading what I call “bad theology.”!!</p>
<p>*My oldest sister is 16 years older than I. She was stuck taking care of me for a lot of my childhood because our middle sister was terminally ill. Sister 1 resents it to this day. I can’t imagine what she would have liked my parents to do. *</p>
<p>Yes, you wonder what she expected your parents to do. Families pitch in during such times, even if it means being burdened. </p>
<p>*No one has brought up what ticks me off the most about their announcement. Michelle Duggar’s proclamation that “God was willing” to give them another baby. SHe was so happy that “He saw fit” to give them a baby.</p>
<p>that made me speechless for all the infertile couples or couples who have lost a child, etc. She is directly saying that God chose not to give those families children. It is beyond cruel. *</p>
<p>Oh good heavens…now things are really just being petty. When someone expresses being blessed that are pregnant, have a long marriage, have a great career, or whatever, they aren’t being “cruel” to those who are infertile, unemployed, or widowed/divorced.</p>
<p>When a spouse or parents expresses thanks for the blessing that their soldier has come home safely, they aren’t being “cruel” to those who have lost a loved one.</p>
<p>It’s not like the Duggars are having private conversation with an infertile couple and are saying this. That would be insensitive. But, to just say it broadly is not.</p>
<p>The comments about God being willing are not petty. I have been there. Such comments can hurt a great deal. For those who have not experienced the pain of infertility: first be grateful, second, take our word for it.</p>
<p>mafool, that is ridiculous. You must be looking for hurts.</p>
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<p>I had infertility for 9 years and I would have said the exact same thing as Mrs. Duggar. I am so bless to have these children. Does not matter how they got here or how hard I tried. I went through a lot. I was blessed to get pregnant and keep my pregnacy after so many treatments. I had a misscarriage the year before and lost the triple during my twin pregnancy. There is no fairness in fertility. She is very clear how hard that can be because she has lived it. </p>
<p>Besides I know way too many infertile couples that get pregnant only to turn around and kill embryos, reduced pregnancies and divorce becuase it didn’t solve their problems.</p>