<p>Hey guys! So I initially planned to do my essay like this :
Talk about childhood problems : How i was excluded from society
How I fought from the bottom and eventually came to the top
How society accepted me and how i became a rich popular guy</p>
<p>I finished at exactly 650 words.</p>
<p>I was thinking of summarizing the above and adding the following :
how the power i got corrupted me
how i ended up with no friends at all and only money
how i realized the value of human relationships and how money was worthless compared to it
how i fought my way back once more and manage to re-become what i was but this time, i also respected relationships and make time for human contact</p>
<p>What do you guys think ? And btw I do not want to elaborate much about my intial plan but it is very impressive. Thanks</p>
<p>I could also write about how about i was born rich and when after my parents died, i became very due to everything being stolen away from my family. And then I would add how in the end, after getting over my ‘childhood’ problems, I started my own business and kicked the ass of every individual who stole from my family? (Not literally … I basically entered their field of business as a rival company and crushed them)</p>
<p>Honestly, the first thing that comes to mind after just reading your summary is, this kid is full of complete BS. For someone to be born rich, have everything stolen from their family when their parents die, and then come back smelling like roses and “learning” the same damn concept that is in every Hollywood movie is so cliche, that the recruiter will be laughing.</p>
<p>Maybe your story is true. Maybe you did have everything taken from you and had to work to get it all back. If that’s the case, then I would focus on just one aspect of your collective business (if you own a restaurant, grocery store, and charity, then focus on just one of these and explain about your first employee, how you helped your community, etc).</p>
<p>The more we throw into an essay, the more it is going to sound like crap. Because the more you add in, the more you have to remember in order to make the story/essay make sense.</p>
<p>Thus, keep it simple, and you will do fine.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Note: feel free to send me your essay in a PM and I will help out as best I can. I swear I won’t sell it. Maybe don’t add your name and key areas to protect your privacy. Im in college so i have no other interest except in helping you.</p>
<p>Okay thanks i guess i’ll keep it at what it is then.</p>
<p>mbg111 > I do agree with your BS part. From an outsider’s point of view, my story may seem full of BS. But it did happen. Thanks for the crucial advice. I’ll try focusing on only one part then. When im finished and satisfied with it, i’ll shoot you a pm. Thanks for being frank !</p>
<p>You have to find a way to tell the story that sounds and feels authentic. Humanize the story, right now it does sound like a film, all wrapped up neatly too. But you don’t have time to tell an epic tale in 650 words. So you have to focus on an aspect, as suggested above, and be very concise. And you aren’t just telling a story as a narrative. You have to add insight.</p>