<p>Just wanted to warn everyone that my poor daughter has given herself two huge stomach ulcers from worrying so much about getting into San Diego State University. She is on medication but it will take 2 to 3 months to heal. we applied October 1st and still haven’t heard. It is the only school of the 5 she applied to that she wants to go to and she is terrified that she won’t get in. I just wish we knew already. Her stress has become my stress which is now causing MY stomach to burn. Geez. This process is brutal!</p>
<p>Deb,</p>
<p>You have my sympathy, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for your D. Have you and your D been tested for H. Pylori, the bacterium believed to cause the majority of stomach ulcers? If not, it needs to be done, and antibiotics can help.</p>
<p>I’m worried that of the 5 schools she applied to it is the only one she could possibly see herself happy at. One of the main criteria for selection of a safety school is being able to see yourself happy there. However, not all “love” is at the first sight, and she might fall in love with her safety school if the news about SDSU is not good.</p>
<p>I am so sorry to hear of your child’s ulcers and the great anxiety that both she and you are under. Yes, college admissions is overwhelming, stressful, and can cause anxiety. </p>
<p>In my view, there are some things to lessen that anxiety and I see something in your post. You say that she has only one school she want to go to. I feel that is an unfortunate mistake which is not only ratcheting up the anxiety (all rides on this school accepting her), but also increases the odds of being disappointed in spring. In my opinion, it is ESSENTIAL for a student to build a list of many schools they like. While having favorites is natural, they should like each school enough on their list to be happy to attend. I also am not in favor of having one “dream” school, particularly in a competitive process. </p>
<p>With my own children, they liked all the schools on their list. Some they liked more than others but they liked each school enough to attend. They had “groupings” of most favorite to least favorite, but not one SINGLE “must have” school. They had two or three MOST favorites. This worked out very nicely and was not as much of a set up for disappointment. They got into most of their colleges and the one that they didn’t get into was ONE of the favorites but they got into their other favorite and so it was a positive experience and they were not devastated to have the one rejection at ONE favorite because they had the great joy of getting into the other favorites. </p>
<p>I truly worry about kids who have a “must get into ONE school” stance, because the odds increase for disappointment. As well, a kid can be happy at more than one school and there is more than one school for any student. </p>
<p>I suggest getting excited about the other schools on the list. Obviously it is past picking out the schools but for others who are reading, it is important to build a list of schools where the student truly likes every school on the list. </p>
<p>I have a child who is now an applicant to very competitive graduate programs and she hasn’t really emphasized certain ones to me. I asked her recently if she has any favorites and she named three, not just one. And, I know she likes each option on her list. While I expect rejections in this competitive process for certain, I feel there will be less disappointments as she is not pining away for a single school. </p>
<p>I hope your D has visited the other four schools and you can talk up each one for its own worth. Truly, the answer to her happiness doesn’t ride on one school.</p>
<p>What is there to worry? </p>
<p>If your D has done her part with her best effort and all the documents are in. Then it is out of her hands and worrying does not help at all.</p>
<p>Deb- I am in Ca and I have noticed that San Diego is one of the last Cal States to release their decisions. So time lapsed does not mean a rejection.
Hope you both feel better.</p>
<p>Seconding what BunsenBurner shared about bacterium as a factor.</p>
<p>Deb- check the onsite info for that school, I thought I heard some kids saying they found out around Jan 1??? Make certain all her docs are in and her file is complete.</p>
<p>I worried myself practically sick over admissions too which was really silly in my son’s case, but I did it anyway. Of course some of his didn’t notify until April 1. My sympathies. I agree with soozie that if you can try to stir up some interest in others, that would be good. How is it that she was interested enough in the other 4 to apply, but now is so sure they’d be no good?</p>
<p>I will add that the school I stressed the most about because I thought it would be the perfect place for him, did accept him and he decided to go somewhere else.</p>
<p>When my daughter was waiting a couple of years ago to hear her application status, she lost weight. Not a lot, but enough to notice. She is already on the slim side, so even she was uptight about it. She gained it back , but had to try ( grrrrrr ,I wish that was my problem )</p>
<p>I am so sorry that your D is so stressed out! And I understand about only one school being on the favored list with others having dropped from the radar. Adults change their minds, and 18 year olds shouldn’t? It is a difficult situation. Work with the doctors, and I would come up with as many fun activities during down time as I could so D wouldn’t constantly be thinking about April 1. Good luck to you and your D!</p>
<p>I hope I didn’t sound judgmental–I wondered if maybe there were some things about the other 4 that attracted her enough to put them on her list and if some of those qualities could be played up so she feels she has some options. Or if you know what it is that makes SDSU so attractive to her, you could help her find some of those qualities in the other 4.</p>
<p>My son is a junior and I swear he has never worried about a school-related thing in his life (that’s not really a good thing). I can just see us next year…he won’t have a care in the world, my husband will be totally unaware that we’re even waiting for notice, and I’ll be a wreck. Hey, maybe I’ll lose weight!</p>
<p>LOL! I could stand to lose some weight from worrying! Seems I just eat more!</p>
<p>D1 was so confident she’d fit in somewhere that she didn’t have a care in the world! Applied to 6 schools and got in all 6 and would have been happy at any of the 6. D2 could be a different story, however, as she’s a worrier!</p>
<p>Are any of the other 4 in close enough range that you might just go onto the campus for something pleasant together? I don’t mean a tour, but if there’s a student theater performance, or just drive over and have a nice family meal nearby and walk the grounds. </p>
<p>No big pressure talk about the campus, but just remind her that the flowers still grow there and the birds do sing. (I’m imagining you south of my town, obviously…Buffalo area). </p>
<p>Smile and do happy talk while you’re there on one of the other four campuses.
If it were me and a campus was within two hours’ drive or less, I’d give it a try. </p>
<p>Campus Events would list the performances, for example. And I’d go with her to ensure the happy talk; lest she just go alone and hawk small things she doesn’t like (color of curtains, etc). The way she’s feeling, she might need some guided visiting to cheer up a bit.</p>
<p>It might make YOU feel better, too. Upset passes back and forth among family members, so you might be feeding each others’ anxieties this month.</p>
<p>Gratefuldeb, if your daughter developed ulcers over the stress of college admission, imagine what will happen during college finals. Perhaps she should get some stress therepy in order to learn how do deal with her stress.</p>
<p>Gratefuldeb,</p>
<p>I agree with taxguy. I hope your daughter’s ulcers heal soon. I think it would be beneficial for her to work on stress management. When finals roll around, she will have additional stress. She must have a plan in place so that she can cope with the stress in a more productive fashion. I hope you hear from her college of choice soon.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for the kind words. The other schools she applied to are:
Cal State Fullerton
Cal State Long Beach
Cal State San Marcos
Cal State Northridge (accepted already)
I did research every school and the surrounding areas and points of interest. (For a seventeen year old that would be the Malls and closest beach LOL). each school had something she liked “academically speaking” however Fullerton, San Marcos and Northridge have reputations as commuter schools. They do not house a large number of students on campus and she is really looking for the whole college experience, dorms, greek life, campus activites, etc. She was also captain of Varisty cheerleading and SDSU is the only school that has a football team.
To top it all off, we are moving to San Diego on August 1st. If she goes to SDSU the friends she makes will mostly be from the area. Since the other schools are commuter schools, the student population will be from that major city (like Northridge for eample) That means that when she comes home to San Dieog for the summer, she will have no friends. Its not like she will be going back to her high school friends because they will be back here in New Jersey.</p>
<p>Also, given her health issues, the ulcers, she prone to pnumonia and mono and she only has one kidney, we would really prefer not being 3 hours away from eachother. SDSU is 20 minutes from my new apartment in San Diego. She would live on campus though if she does get accepted.</p>
<p>I will look into the issues you guys mentioned and hopefully within the next few weeks things will calm down.</p>
<p>Again thanks for your answers and good wishes. You are all more supportive than my so called “friends”.</p>
<p>My heart with you. It is too stressful the whole process. Hope your D getting better soon. So your D is applying UC as an out of state students? That would make it more difficult, like applying mini ivy, so I was told. They are very selective for out of state students, maybe that’s why took more time?</p>
<p>Try to help her take the 20,000 foot view. In the grand scheme of her life whichever of these schools she ends up attending really won’t matter much. And when life does throw a curve and you get knocked in a direction you didn’t plan on, it usually also delivers nice surprises along the way. You just have to keep repeating that to her, mean it in your own heart, and be fierce about it.</p>
<p>I don’t know how the UC’s are about transfers, but that might be another possibility–do great at one and then move to her favorite–but she might still get in. As I said, I was a nut case during this time period. Stay here with us if it helps. We do understand anxiety. It helped me to come here any time of the day or night and get a caring response–still does.</p>