Top Students' Social Lives: What are they like?

Parents Forum
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<p>Agreed. I was the same sort (pre-college that is - pulled several all-nighters in college). People were always sure that I must spend all my time studying and have no free time. It just wasn’t true. It probably helped that I have a reading speed in the neighborhood of 1500 words/minute.</p>

<p>I spent my free time (I’m not counting ECs as “free time”) reading books, listening to music, and hanging out with my sister and my best friend. And babysitting my smallest brother. Though I’m not sure that counts as free time. I ran a lot, even when it wasn’t race season for cross-country. In the summer I swam and dove on summer league teams (I was about average for a summer-leaguer, at best).</p>

<p>In college, the people I knew who had the difficult schedules were hosed, but the people with the <em>really</em> extreme schedules (more than twice the number of classes in a normal schedule, with most of the classes being very high difficulty level) had more free time than the average student.</p>

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<p>Our school’s valedictorian and salutatorian are the types who work and study very hard for each grade and point. They’re in some activities but probably not as busy as some of the people on this site. Still, though, most of their waking minutes are spent in something academic or school-related. Consequently, they don’t have much of a social life. </p>

<p>I’ve really tried to balance work and play although I don’t know if the balance I’ve found actually works, lol. I’ve been very lucky in that I can usually get good grades without studying much, so I have a lot of spare time for ECs, friends, and just bumming around. I’ve been pretty lazy for most of HS, sadly, so more of that spare time has been spent on socializing and bumming around… </p>

<p>I think those top students who are naturally talented are able to devote a lot of their time to whatever they choose, and the top top students are those who choose to spend it on productive pursuits while probably setting aside some time for having fun. Either way, though, when your time isn’t consumed by hours and hours of homework that’s necessary to maintain your GPA, you have far more power to choose. Conversely, the top students who need excessive hard work to get good grades are left with less spare time, a great majority of which is then devoted to ECs they perceive as necessary for college admissions, leading to a diminished or nonexistent social life.</p>

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<p>Yes, define “top” student. Is a “top” student one with perfect scores or just a star academic all around (aka the student who always writes the perfect paper)? My experiene with the first kind of student is that they are intelligent and hard-working, but they were just born with the ability to achieve that perfect score. From my experience those students are also usually very quiet in the classroom. The other students, those who write perfect papers, are sometimes also very quiet in the classroom. Those kinds of students usually like to have a close group of friends they spend time with occasionally, and don’t usually participate in sports but like to be part of volunteer groups instead.</p>

<p>The other kinds of students (those with a good GPA, star athlete, class president, outspoken, etc) tend to be very social but not necessarily the excellent natural-born academics.</p>

<p>That is just from my experience, I’m sure others may disagree.</p>

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<p>I like this topic, but think about it a little differently as I greatly appreciate colleges that attract and graduate students that are very smart and talented, but have a good balance in how they live their lives. I am interested in how a student spends their time, in AND out of the classroom, and think that this is an underappreciated consideration in the college selection process. </p>

<p>Different strokes will undoubtedly work for different folks, but some schools have strong reputations for students that lead very balanced collegiate lives. Recently, I took data from Spark Notes and came up with the following rankings for the group of USNWR Top 30 colleges. Rice, Vanderbilt, Notre Dame, Duke and U North Carolina were the leaders in how their students judged the balance in the study habits of their peers. Here is the full comparison of this universe of colleges.</p>

<p>% of Students seen by their peers as leading balanced college lives , College</p>

<p>72% , Rice
72% , Vanderbilt
70% , Notre Dame
69% , Duke
68% , U North Carolina
65% , Columbia
60% , Princeton
60% , U Virginia
59% , UC Berkeley
57% , U Penn
57% , Dartmouth
57% , U Michigan
56% , Emory
55% , USC
53% , Wash U
53% , Brown
53% , UCLA
53% , Tufts
52% , Georgetown
51% , Northwestern
46% , Yale
46% , Wake Forest
44% , Stanford
38% , Caltech
31% , Cornell
31% , Johns Hopkins
28% , MIT
23% , U Chicago
na , Harvard
na , Carnegie Mellon</p>

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<p>I don’t know what you consider a ‘top’ student, but I am ranked in the top 5% of my HS, presumably salutatorian, and have received many awards in Economics and English. I am in the IB Program and am predicted at 42 or higher points out of the 45, and I am currently holding an internship in the U.S. Congress which is normally open only to university students and graduates. I get by with half an hour of homework per day, but I force myself to do pre-emptive work so I end up with an hour each day. I am very good getting work done on time and I learn quickly. I have as much free time as I want, mostly, and spend it in the gym, going to town and house parties with my friends, or reading philosophy or logic textbooks (a passion of mine.) </p>

<p>I certainly wouldn’t call myself typical, an observation merited alone by the fact that alongside getting good grades I am also a competitive natural bodybuilder. I put a high value on extra-curriculars and am more-or-less responsible for my own education as the IB program in my school does not match my interests beyond English and Economics classes.</p>

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<p>the kid who is top of my class has absolutely no free time. i only know because he’s dating a friend of mine, who is always threatening to dump him if he dosent make more time for her. between doing homework and studying for 5 ap’s and 2 honors classes (the only thing he dosent at an advanced level are our schools required religion classes) plus lacrosse or cross country practices, he has zero free time. In the summer, he goes to math, writing, and G&T camps. and he takes gym classes at the local community college because with all of his credits, he cant fit in required gym during the year. he’s going to get into a great school, but…i’m glad i have a life.</p>

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<p>My junior year was kinda…hellish
I had so much stuff going on all the time. I am in a very competitive chamber orchestra which takes up a vast amount time.(probably the biggest chunk) then between than and tennis and teaching science classes at a local museum i was super busy all the time. the only free time i had i would just watch movies and hang out with friends doing something non active because i was soo tired all the time.
I don’t have a billion ECs like a lot of people on here but the few I do have I have put countless hours into.</p>

<p>On weekends i would go skiing with my friends and stuff almost every weekend. So that was kinda of my time to blow off steam</p>

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<p>Not sure I qualify for the “top” since I got waitlisted at the Ivies/top schools I applied to, but I had the schedule/resume of many top students. I hung out with friends as much as I could, which often wasn’t very much. I was always invited to a lot of events that I had to turn down for whatever reason. I did go to a lot of stuff still, such as bowling, amusement parks, the movies, etc. I never did during the week, but I utilized whatever leftover time I had on the weekends to do stuff, so at max I would truly hang out twice a week. I did not party, however, since I went to a public HS where it didn’t occur that much, and even the “popular” kids I hung out with never partied.</p>

<p>Generally, since my HS classes were often easy, I used school-time to socialize, especially lunches. I also consider some of my EC’s as time I got to hang out with people, since some such as swimming, SGA, and FCA were spent with my closest friends.</p>

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<p>I am a top student. I could offer credentials for the position if pressured.</p>

<p>when I think of my social life, I think of my sports extracurricular activities of cross-country and track. this was like hanging out with all your friends after school every day, even though it was considered a valuable use of time. sure, we had to actually practice, and we did very well in our meets, but it was also fun in free time, like on the bus or hanging out between repeats. so I get to come away with all these awards and ribbons from this activity that did take a lot of time and energy, but I also made a ton of great friends, some of whom are already in college, and others who are just starting out in high school. </p>

<p>when it comes to just plain free time, I spend a nice chunk of time on the internet at fan message boards. that is kind of nerdy, I guess, but you get to know people and that’s fun. I definitely wrote 1000s of posts across the internet while I was in HS. I watched a certain TV show every night, even during APs and stuff, because it was a welcome break from schoolwork. whenever there were things at school like drama productions or musicals, I would always go out and support the other kids, and get the cheap entertainment. loved the dances too. also, I love reading, so I am always in the middle of a few books.</p>

<p>people would accuse me of only studying, or being that type who only works really hard, but that was never true. just by being highly involved in sports, I had a whole separate hobby, because I looked forward to practice every day. that is why I am wondering whether people claiming that the other top students at their schools are workhorses are just making assumptions…</p>

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<p>I’m considered a “top” student at my school, though by CC’s standards I’m nowhere near it. XD</p>

<p>Anyway. I remember in 9th grade, the kids in my science class going, “Jeez HGFM, why don’t you just transfer to <em>Insert name of school’s coveted magnet program here</em>? You make us all look stupid”.</p>

<p>It wasn’t that I tried…it was just that I was (and still am) an auditory learner, and I remember lectures extremely well (and that was how this teacher taught, was by lecture). So whenever the teacher asked questions based on her lectures, I always knew the answer.</p>

<p>I also agree with the finishing things faster…I was always one of the first to finish tests or assignments in-class. Except math, which was always my weak spot.</p>

<p>As for my social life…I had a pretty questionable social life all throughout high school. I played golf in the fall for 3 years, which lasted until about October/November (we started in August). We only played 9 holes a day, four days a week, but even still, that took us until about 5 or 6 at night (and that’s just home matches). Then we all had to rush home to do homework for the next day.</p>

<p>I got a break from the time golf ended until about the middle of December…and then the school musical started up. I was involved in that for three years as well (chose not to do it senior year because of favoritism issues that I didn’t want to be a part of). The first month or so of rehearsal, we went until 6 PM (we started at 3). The second month, we went until 8 or 9 PM. The rehearsals were so intensive (our school is known for its amazing musicals, we even use a full pit orchestra) that we never wanted to even do homework after rehearsals, let alone see our friends who weren’t in the musicals (which is why most of us have some best friends that we made in said musicals).</p>

<p>March until June I got another break and got to see my non-musical friends again. But then in June, summer practice for golf started back up and the whole cycle starts over again. That was my first three years.</p>

<p>My senior year, I didn’t play golf and I didn’t do the musical (I was going to until the cast list went up and people noticed the favoritism…then I decided I’d had enough). So I had a much stronger, almost “normal” social life, except for the fact that we spent the whole year working on our senior project (we do ours as a class). That took up a nice chunk of time as well.</p>

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<p>I managed to balance being valedictorian with several varsity sports, clubs, and service activities, not to mention a very active social life. I did at most a few hours of homework per day, making time for weightlifting, sports, and plenty of wasted time on the net. I never stayed in on a friday or saturday night, and if I didn’t go out on Sunday for at least a few hours it probably meant I was home napping or in front of the TV…I didn’t crack a book until late Sunday night. All that coupled with more than my fair share of parties(like every friday and saturday). Balance is critical. I managed to do all that and still get a 36/1600 and be ranked a top ten student in state. The way I see it, the numbers and rankings and awards don’t mean squat if you don’t have friendships and a social life to balance it all out.</p>

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<p>Dave,
You’ve seen my S’s stats and awards through StatsEval and our follow-up. He gets 7-8 hours of sleep a night. The latest he stayed up in HS for schoolwork was 2 am – once. Never crammed for tests or AP exams, took SAT/SAT-IIs once. Schoolwork was a small part of his intellectual life – there are just so many other things he’d rather spend time learning about! </p>

<p>We have been very aware of the risks of crash-and-burn and I hope he takes his good habits to school with him. I fear he’ll learn through hard experience that you can’t stay up til 3 am talking about philosophy with your friends when there’s an Analysis test in six hours. However, four years ago he was highly introverted and very narrowly focused. We are celebrating his social blossoming at our house – and so did the teachers at his school who have known him and watched him mature.</p>

<p>From an early age, he was very much into “the life of the mind” – he would dive into books, go sit under a tree and think, go up to his room and play with ideas in his head. It served him very, very well when it came time to do his research project. He literally sat outside in the front yard with the dog and a laptop. He relishes “alone time” and I think that helps him recharge his batteries intellectually and socially. </p>

<p>His social life: Since most of his friends share the same sort of passionate interests, they would hang out at the ECs he was involved in, online, and/or would come over to the house. They go play laser tag or ultimate frisbee. They talk about the physics of various science fiction series. They have “Bad Movie Nights.” He goes dancing on Friday nights, has a GF and many friends. In HS, they all found each other and their experiences and lifestyle became normative. </p>

<p>He does sleep in on weekend mornings, which I attribute to being a teenager. I did the same thing.</p>

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<p>Weekdays are workworkwork, and so is Sunday morning and night. But Friday, and Saturday? I need to get out of the house. Need to. </p>

<p>My GPA doesn’t suffer. And I have a boyfriend. And I manage to maintain rigorous, challenging, FUN extracurriculars. The people who need precise time management abilities to me sound like they’ve bitten off more than they can chew.</p>

<p>This is our peak time for social skill development. Don’t waste it, guys!</p>

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<p>Well I was an IB kid last year with a 4.3 GPA and I took 6 AP classes Junior year and 6 IB classes Senior year but I don’t call myself a “top” kid. At least not to College Confidential’s standards…</p>

<p>I on average got 4 hours of sleep a night on weekdays and if I got 6 it was a night where I was really lucky haha. I mean overall, my days consisted of school, and then 4-5 hours of homework a night and a little bit of TV. I did try to have fun on weekends with friends to see movies and stuff but if I did it was a Saturday because most weekends I had to reserve all of Sunday for homework (unless it was a project, then the whole weekend is gone).</p>

<p>My social life definitely was less than most people’s, but I’ve learned to have more fun and thus I am trying to change.</p>

<p>But yes I agree, time management is usually the most important part.</p>

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<p>Our kids would fit your definition. They have been avid, passionate readers and very involved in music and theatre. We never pushed them for the purpose of getting into top schools, but they got so passionate about what they were doing and studying that that’s what they wanted to do. Though they’ve very social, none ever dated in HS - they prefer the social network of the musical group of cast of the show that they’re in so that their EC accomplishments and socializing were all-in-one.</p>

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<p>i would definitely consider myself to have a social life. i’m not super popular or anything, but i have friends, and i hang out with them a lot.</p>

<p>thing is, i’m definitely not at harvard,etc. standards.</p>

<p>and a big reason i’m not qualified for a lot of schools despite a pretty good (in my opinion) gpa and pretty good sat’s is my incredible lack of extracurriculars. it really bothers me when i say that on here, and some people are like, uh, what do you do in your spare time? i wanna just be like, i have a life, that’s what. i have friends to hang out with, i go places, just to have fun, not to help my resume. and on top of that i’ve had a job working 15-25 hours, you know? i don’t understand what’s happening to society that that is so ‘weak’.</p>

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<p>I think it depends solely on the personality of the student. I know plenty of people who spend a lot of time studying, skipping parties and other “cool” social events. Yet there are also some people like this guy who’s going to Yale this Sept who attends every party and event (a rather popular and likable person), yet he still finds the time to be involved in Science Olympiad and actively plays guitar in the band. All this time, he manages to get one of the highest averages in my class. Pretty impressive.</p>

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<p>It’s hard to say it without sound arrogant, but my son was so smart he simply didn’t have to spend that much time on his academics. If he read something once he pretty much knew it by heart. He also reads very, very fast. He found calculus, physics and the like easy. The only thing he consistently studied for was Latin, especially AP Latin.</p>

<p>He spent several hours every day playing on computers, teaching himself Linux and other more mysterious things, working for pay, playing games, modding games etc. He also found time to read and reread over 100 novels a year. (Mostly sci-fi and fantasy.) He only belonged to two clubs at school neither of which were big time hogs - Science Olympiad and Academic team. He always got 8 hours of sleep.</p>

<p>He wasn’t val or sal, but he was in the top 1% of his class. He got into Harvard, but was rejected by other top schools. Maybe they wanted him to be busier. :)</p>

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<p>In high school, most of my friends happened to be in the same classes activities that I was in. I felt like we were hanging out constantly, both during school/activities and at home working on homework together over the internet/phone. </p>

<p>I feel like people are looking down on not “socializing” as much as “normal” people, though. Some people simply aren’t as social, or don’t have as high a demand for interaction, and are perfectly happy and balanced.</p>

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<p>ll0124: I agree with you. I’ve encouraged my son to schedule plenty of down time with friends and not worry about building a resume. He also works, as you do. I’ve told him top 10% is just fine (though he’s squeaked into top 5%). My goodness, he still has four years of college and then law or grad school to go! I’ve also told him that if any school rejects him that’s their loss. I think that all of this hype about college acceptances is getting absolutely nuts.</p>