<p>There’s someone at my college, a year younger than I am, who is just a perfection. Not only does he have a perfect 4.0 GPA, but he is nothing like any other 4.0 students. He is extremely intelligent, with a personable, mature, modest and polite personality that wins popularity among professors and almost anyone he meets. I’ve never seen anyone like him before with such a bright, guanranteed future. I also did a google search of his name and read an article about him that celebrated his success in getting loads of awards and scholarships upon graduating high school as a valedictorian back in 2007, and the article mentioned that his academic average from grade 8 to 12 ranged from 98% to 100%, with not even a single course below a 98%…
It’s just unfair… I never managed to get a single 98% in high school, and it’s not like I didn’t try my best in high school. Now he’s doing even better at college. I was in the same course as him last semester, and he got the highest mark in that course, too. What’s frustrating was he didn’t even seem to try hard as I did and still did much better. Also, it’s not like he’s only into studying. He is very well-rounded, doing extracurricular activities and volunteering of all sorts for an extended period of time. He seems naturally born to stand out in this world… What a blessed person… I feel very sad and jealous whenever I think about him, especially the fact that no matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to be as good as he is. Nature is really unfair, giving many more gifts to some people than others. His presence in this world seems to make my life meaningless. How can I deal with my inferiority complex? It’s sapping my energy and self-regard, killing my enthusiasm for life and motivation to work hard for anything.</p>
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<p>You need to get help from a professional, not from strangers on the internet. Go see your college counseling office.</p>
<p>I already met two professionals. I’m sorry to say this but they just wasted my time and merely tried to empathize with me, basically telling me that I have my own strengths that I should be proud of…
I don’t want to seek out any more professionals because every time I do that, they aren’t helpful anyway and I feel like a special-needs psycho, which I am not; I’m a normal person who just happens to have an inferior complex toward someone.</p>
<p>Of course some people are better than you, what do you expect?</p>
<p>You have no idea how hard this person works to get where they are. If you want to be like him, then ask him his secrets and try to emulate his lifestyle and his culture. If he tells you that he doesn’t spend a lot of time on the Internet complaining about other people then try stop doing that and instead focus on the things that you’re good at and improving on your weak spots. And if you’re unwilling or too lazy to do that, then try to stay away from this person because they might be having a negative effect on you and it’s your responsibility to control this and not his and definitely not some “professional”.</p>
<p>Welcome to the real world - where there is alway someone who does things better than you do. </p>
<p>If this fact saps your energy and motivation to do something valuable in YOUR OWN LIFE, then yes, counseling is a good idea.</p>
<p>Good luck!!</p>
<p>Grow up! Take responsibility for your own successes/failures. Spend more time on figuring out your own life and journey and less time putting strangers on pedestals.</p>
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<p>No, you seem to be going beyond normal “inferiority” and are extremely jealous of this individual. To the extreme that you have googled him to research his achievements and have allowed his good fortune to “kill your enthusiasm for life and motivation to work hard for anything.”</p>
<p>There will always be someone around who is smarter, richer, better looking, enjoying a standard of living which seems to be somewhat undeserved. Get used to it and get over it.</p>
<p>The only way this is “unfair” is if we are all supposed to possess equal amounts of intelligence, ability, money, popularity, talent, etc. and are all supposed to receive accolades and benefits in direct proportion to how hard we try. Well, we are not. Therefore, it is not “unfair.”</p>
<p>And I agree with above. You really don’t know how hard this guy works, how happy he is, how many problems he may be facing in his life, etc.</p>
<p>A wise person once told me “You just think about you and that will keep you plenty busy.”</p>
<p>Sounds like your therapists actually gave you some good advice and/or food for thought, but you have rejected it. Just what exactly are you looking for from the members here?</p>
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I have no problem with most people who are better than me, but not him because he is just so unfairly good in almost all aspects of life. I guess there’s nothing I can do except feel bitter about it or, as Nrdsb4 said, mind my own business.</p>
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I know he works really hard. I’d definitely like to learn about his secrets but it would hurt my pride to ask him.</p>
<p>“I’d definitely like to learn about his secrets but it would hurt my pride to ask him.”</p>
<p>So, you’re adding to your misery.</p>
<p>I’ve found that most people are flattered when one expresses appreciation of their successes and then asks them for tips. I’ve learned a great deal that way, including having learned things that helped me achieve at a level that other people find admirable.</p>
<p>There’s nothing inherently humiliating about asking for tips from someone who’s doing well at something you’d like to accomplish.</p>
<p>“Sounds like your therapists actually gave you some good advice and/or food for thought, but you have rejected it. Just what exactly are you looking for from the members here?”</p>
<p>I’m interested in the OP’s answer to this, too.</p>
<p>well, yeah, some people are just staggeringly intelligent, or beautiful, or talented, or whatever. For an example, google the Princeton 2010 valedictorian–the guy sounds amazing. Thirty-some years ago my roommate in college was somebody like this–named the outstanding graduating senior in my Ivy League school, tons of charisma and leadership ability, excellent athlete, apparently effortless perfect grades. Now, three decades later, this person is mentioned whenever an opening comes up on the Supreme Court as a possible nominee.</p>
<p>Instead of just sitting there being jealous, I befriended this person. I’ve gotten a lot out of our friendship over the years, and I also eventually learned that this person had problems in life that were not immediately evident to casual acquaintances. Most people do, and they seem even more impressive once you know more about what they are overcoming.</p>
<p>So my advice is to get to know this individual, who sounds as if he has the potential to enrich your life if you put your ego aside.</p>
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<p>And you know what? That guy envies other people too. Everybody does. No matter who you are you will always find people greater and lesser than yourself. You need to figure out how to focus on your own life and on making it a success on its own terms and not defining it by comparison to others.</p>
<p>I have friends who are beautiful, well off, successful, popular, etc. As is the case with everyone, all of them have their problems. Many have problems bigger than those I have ever faced. There’s no one who really has it all.</p>
<p>It’s normal to envy someone for their talents but feeling bitter is a problem.</p>
<p>This guy sounds great in the attributes you’re evaluating him on yet I can guarantee he won’t be inventing all of the new inventions, curing all of the diseases that’ll be cured, make all the scientific breakthroughs, writing all the best novels, become proficient in every profession, experience all there is to experience in life, etc. </p>
<p>Your problem likely doesn’t have anything to do with him - you’re just using him to reinforce your own inferiority complex and if it wasn’t him you’d pick someone else. As long as you continue to focus this way you’ll be placing roadblocks in your own path. Let’s flip this around a bit, a friend of mine has an S who’s blind and mentally ■■■■■■■■ who’ll never achieve what you have. Other friends have autistic kids in the similar boat. Some of the kids in Mexico are born into hopeless poverty and regardless of how intelligent they are may never have the opportunies you’ve had. Other kids are born to crack addicts and were affected by those drugs and the social situation themselves. Yet other kids just aren’t quite as intelligent and accomplished as you. Would you expect all of them to harbor bitter feelings towards you for this?</p>
<p>Forget about this particular person and get over the ‘woe is me for not happening to be born a particular way’ and move on. Focus on what you can do and don’t prevent yourself from improving and succeeding due to your own negativism on yourself and others. You should feel fortunate for what you have and counting your lucky stars.</p>
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<p>That’s kind of how I see the difference between envy and jealousy. To me, envy means you have qualities or maybe even possessions that I wish I had. But I’m happy for you and don’t feel angry or resentful about it. Jealousy implies bitterness and a feeling that I would be thrilled if you lost those things or that you somehow don’t deserve your rewards. You know, the feeling that your good fortune is somehow magically “unfair” to me. </p>
<p>After reading a few definitions of envy, some would not agree with the above; it’s just how I have always viewed it.</p>
<p>I agree that we all admire others, it’s the bitterness that is the problem.
I also agree that you should ask or figure out how he does what he does and emulate, it’s called a role model. Following a role model is something that many successful people do.
You have what we call in our house The Picket Fence Syndrome. You go by the perfect, charming looking house with the picket fence and assume that who ever lives there must have a charmed life. While they could have a charmed life the chances are that they don’t, they have problems just like everyone else, they just don’t advertise it - you know - put your best face forward.</p>
<p>There was a young man when I was in college who was–to put it politely–astonishingly smart. At MIT, when you say that, you’re often talking about people who will run the world later. I got to know him well and we are still friends. He was, in fact, smart, personable, amazing… and a bit lonely because so many people found him intimidating. </p>
<p>If you see someone who is doing something you’d like to do, you have two choices: ask him (her) how he does it, or remain ignorant. The pain of asking the question is temporary, believe me; the pain of remaining ignorant… well, it sticks with you.</p>
<p>We all have to come to terms that there will always be people that are smarter, richer, more charming, more good-looking, more “whatever” than we are.</p>
<p>We also accept that we can certainly be smarter, richer, more charming, more good-looking more “whatever” than others around us.</p>
<p>There is no one person on this planet that has it all above anyone else.</p>
<p>It is what it is. The faster you see that, the happier you’ll be.</p>