<p>I think that you made a good decision.</p>
<p>Years ago, my college freshman son and one of the top academic recruits at his college had a fall gpa of .038. With S’s approval, H went to the college with S to talk to his advisor and help S get on track.</p>
<p>Advisor, who was marvelous, hand picked courses that matched S’s interests and that had inspirational professors. Advisor also lined S up with an organizational workshop.</p>
<p>Second semester – S’s grades were even worse. Afterward, S got a job, never returned home, became unemployed, moved in with a mature adult relative 3,000 miles from us, collected unemployment for a long time and – after about a year of this – I learned by accidentally finding his blog that S had been partying very hard since he was a college freshman.</p>
<p>At 25, S now appears to be on track: supports himself with a fulltime office job (no benefits, though), and doesn’t seem to be partying from what we can tell by the coherence of his e-mails and by his demeanor when we visited him.</p>
<p>However, I wish that we had done what you’ve done. </p>
<p>As a former college prof whose H also is a prof, I know that virtually all students I have encountered who crashed and burned like our kids did were drinking heavily and/or using drugs. It’s likely that your S is doing the same no matter how much he may deny this or how straight arrow he was in high school.</p>
<p>Your holding him accountable for his poor grades by pulling him out of school may be the wake-up call he needs to get on track.</p>
<p>One last thing: Our house rule is that after high school unless our kids are in college full time or are ill, if they live at home, they are expected to be employed and to be contributing to the family finances while following the house rules for adult guests.</p>
<p>We did this when younger S took a gap year as an Americorps volunteer after crashing and burning senior year in high school due to simple lack of motivation and laziness. He complained at first about having to pay rent, but he learned how far his minimal Americorps stipend would go, and he really appreciates his college experience. He’s got a B plus average (excellent for him) while working a part time job and being in productive extracurriculars (community service, a sport, some arts ones) including as a leader.</p>
<p>Older S didn’t get back on track until the adult relative who – against H and my suggestion was letting him live with her rent free – retired and moved away. S didn’t want to live in the kind of accommodations that he’d have had to live without a steady income, and he quickly got his life together so he could live comfortably in an apartment with a friend who also is employed fulltime. They kicked out the friend who refused to work and contribute to the rent.</p>
<p>Oh, I know several adult friends including two college professors who took several years in their young adulthood to take college seriously. They dropped in and out of college, bummed around as “rock musicians” and did other things that probably would curl their parents’ hair. They eventually returned to college --on their own dime – excelled and went on to live upstanding lives.</p>