<p>This is a tough question. We have a 5 yr old, nice little dog. It has been the kids’ and my spouse’s pet. My spouse took care of the dog for many years, but has become so ill that caring for the dog is no longer possible (recently went into a nursing home and the illness is terminal). Next year all of the kids will be away at school. I work 12+ hour days, travel for business, and will be spending time at the nursing home. I know that I will be unable to care for the dog.</p>
<p>Two of the kids want to get an apt at their snow-belt campus where they can take the dog. I’m concerned about them being off-campus and driving to classes in the snow. (I also don’t think they are thinking about waking up early in the morning or getting home after class to walk the dog). </p>
<p>What would you do in this situation? Did you have to make tough decisions about your kids’ pets when they went off to school?</p>
<p>This must be very difficult for you, as it seems your family is handling many changes at once. Your kids are facing losing a parent. It’s not surprising that they don’t’ want to lose their pet as well.
Are the kids who want the apartment just starting out, or have they been in school for awhile? How old, and how responsible, are they? I think my advice would depend on how realistic you feel it is for your children to care for the dog, how experienced and adept they are at driving. If they are basically good drivers with some winter experience and they really want to keep their pet, I think I’d let them try it. It sounds like two of them will be living together. This, in itself, might be very comforting for them at this time, rather than living with strangers on campus.
Every family is different, and sometimes our kids can surprise us with their ability to come through. If this little dog is a true family member, it may be far harder for them to part with him than you think.
Wishing you the best.</p>
<p>Not trying to add to your burdens, but you might also see if you can find a dogwalker/dogsitter to come to your house once or twice a day. Even though you’re out of the house all day, the dog can get walked, have a little playtime, etc. This might be a small incremental expense that would take care of all of your concerns at the same time.</p>
<p>I would let them take the dog. When they realize that they are the only ones available to take care of it, they will probably do so. Otherwise, they will get experience cleaning up messes, which may also lead them to take it out more often :).</p>
<p>If they are in the snow belt, those areas are experienced with dealing with snow - plowing, salting, etc. I would think their roads would be far better after a snow fall than places that get snow infrequently.</p>
<p>I agree with moonchild that at this time it might be better and more comforting for your kids to be living together and to have their dog with them.</p>
<p>Would it be possible for them to get an apartment closer to campus, so they could walk or take a campus shuttle? It’s a lot of loss for all of you to be going through. My heart goes out to you.</p>
<p>I thought this was going to be about the rabbit or the ferret or the gecko. </p>
<p>I would let the kids take the dog to school if they can find a pet-friendly rental. I’ll suggest using an exercise pen (or a double one) in the garage or basement if the rental comes with that kind of space. There’s also an indoor dog potty – synthetic grass over a pull out pan that can be easily cleaned. Another option would be a dog walker or doggy day care a few days a week. Depending on their class schedules etc.</p>
<p>What sort of a dog? That can make all the difference in how easy it is to have a pet in an apartment…</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestions. It’s a mini-breed, and one of the “kids” is a grad student. I guess if they’re willing to try, I’ll let them do it and just try getting snow tires for the car. Pet friendly rentals are within 5-10 miles of the university, but they have to share a car. </p>
<p>I’ll suggest they consider trying to get a rental with one or two others which might help with transportation issues and dog-care. </p>
<p>I realized when I read the posting about them cleaning up the messes that this is something I should stop worrying about. If they are going to take it with them, then what happens when they don’t wake up will not be my problem anymore. I’ve been envisioning battles over which kid would be stuck doing all the pet care. </p>
<p>It didn’t make sense to me that the choice of apartment (off-campus pet friendly vs. an on-campus apartment with no pets) would be driven by a dog. Too many other stresses to prioritize the pet…but I do appreciate the clear insights offered by CC parents.</p>
<p>If no one wants the dear doggie, I’ll take it. :)</p>
<p>and, prayers for your dear husband, you, and your family.</p>
<p>Along with the suggestion of hiring a dog-walker to care for the pet in your home, a responsible neighborhood teen could be hired to walk and feed the dog (and give it additional care when you travel.)</p>
<p>If the cost of hiring someone would be a big burden, then ask your kids to chip in, since it’s their dog, too. </p>
<p>The idea that they could take the dog to school with them is ONLY GOOD, if the dog would receive proper care (food, clean water, walked). If the dog were to be neglected, that would be horrid and cruel.</p>
<p>My kids and I are dog walkers for the neighbors who work long days. We are way overpaid ($15 a week) but would do it for much less because I love the dog and the neighbors. It depends on whether the dog is a comfort to you at all. You might even be surprised that a neighbor might enjoy doing something to help you out.</p>
<p>My son and his two roommates have a dog in the house that they share. One of the guys takes the dog home with him on breaks but all three boys think of the dog as their own and have trained him, take him for walks and feed him. My son says that he is better trained then our dog here. Dogs are just wonderful for comforting and I think yours living with your kids is a reasonable solution.</p>
<p>Let the grad student choose to add a dog to the household. I presume the younger child has also had at least a couple of years of campus life and is willing to move further from the near campus lifestyle. They should consider being near public transportation to campus and use the car for groceries and trips home, et al. It sounds like your emotional ties to this dog are minimal and you would gain from not needing to do the chores it requires. Your kids have the emotional investment in this dog and are willing to do what it takes to keep it. If they at some point find it is more work than it is worth to keep their dog they can find a better home for it. You will not feel guilty for denying them their dog nor feel resentful for taking on the burden of its care. You can visit the dog if you miss it and choose to take it back if things don’t work well with the kids and you feel badly about giving it up. A win-win situation. </p>
<p>PS- do the siblings need to live together? There can be cost effective living arrangements with friends for both of them. The younger one has a different lifestyle and separation is probably better for their social development. They will still be near each other by virtue of living in the same area of the same town. Since the dog is only 5 years old the kids will have been in HS and then apart from the dog for most of its life, the emotional trauma to the dog may not be that great if it gets a new family home at its age. The dog has already undergone the major trauma of losing its major person- your husband.</p>
<p>It sounds like your family is having lots of transitions. I am hoping for the best for you all in 2010.</p>
<p>Re: the pooch. I agree…let the kids take the dog with them. That pooch is also a member of their family and they will surely take good care of it. </p>
<p>Does the nursing home allow pets to visit? If the kids have the little dog, they might be able to bring him for an occasional visit. I know that my mom LOVED seeing her dog when she was in a skilled care facility. It brought smiles and laughter to lots of folks…another thought if that is possible.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t make a decision yet - let the kids find the pet-friendly rental, and figure out what to do with it when they are on break. But, because kids’ plans can fall through precipitously, make some inquiries on your own as to a family in your area who would like a mature pet.</p>
<p>Neonzeus, I’m sorry to hear of your dilemma. Caring properly for pets is a big responsibility. I suggest you leave the decision up to the kids while pointing out the possible drawbacks for them. Having a dog really does impact their lives and they may have to face giving her away.</p>
<p>One of my children acquired a dog over my objections. We always had pets that I had cared for. Cats are easy, dogs not so much. When that girl selected a college apartment that wouldn’t take dogs the size of hers I was left with the dog’s care. My stressful job was an hour away from home, plus I travelled and worked lots of overtime. After unsuccessfully trying to hack it I gave the dog to family members down south. I cried buckets when I put the pup on a plane but she was in a happy home where she was well loved.</p>
<p>Neonzeus - So sorry to hear about your spouse.</p>
<p>It can be hard to find a pet-friendly apartment. But a well-loved pet deserves more than daily visits from a pet walker. So, if the dog travels well and the kids can find an apartment that allows pets, I’d suggest letting the kids take the dog. A neighbor or pet walker would be an acceptable Plan B.</p>
<p>I understand your kids’ wishes to keep the dog. Losing their father is already too much to bear. Given the choice to avoid the loss of their pet, they want to do what is necessary to keep it. I think you should let them do this. The dog will be a comfort to them.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for the pain you and your family are feeling.</p>
<p>As a renter who had a pet in college and then while renting for many years–some of the best landlords look for tenants with pets because they see them as more responsible and less likely to move. </p>
<p>A mini breed might be quite comfortable going to school with a graduate student, depending on the breed.</p>
<p>I am also sorry for what your family is going through.</p>
<p>Please let your kids keep the dog. A grad student is plenty old enough to be responsible for caring for a dog. I got my first dog (a miniature Schnauzer) at age 23, and he went all over the country with us. My D got her first dog at age 23 also and moved to another state with the dog for med school. So far, it’s working out OK.</p>
<p>The dog will be a comfort to your kids in the future.</p>
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