<p>My father is the epitome of a Greek father; from his commitment to explaining how English words come from Greek words to overly repeating the sayings his family has passed down for generations. As soon as he said, You know what your great grandmother used to say… After hearing it so much, my brain would instantly command me to fall into a daze where I would blankly stare until the feeling of my contacts drying out would wake me back to reality. By the time he was done saying the words I already knew were going to come out of his mouth, I was ready to watch paint dry. I remember I was slouched in the back seat of the car on my familys one of many monotonous car rides to Connecticut filled with greasy fast food, an overkill of New Jersey rest stops, and my moms shrill voice never failing to pierce my eardrums. That day my father said, Dont believe anything you hear and only believe half of what you see.
At Fairfields orientation, I saw one thing, consistency; I saw almost every girl wearing designer clothes, headbands, pearl necklaces, ugg boots, and north faces; the girls that didnt look like the rest were graced with looks full of judgment. I thought to myself: only believe half of what you see; I didnt let what I saw discourage me because sometimes when you see something its not always the same until you experience it. On move in day, I was confident I was leaving my hometown behind and starting new with different types of people and a new environment. As I tried to meet people over the course of my first semester, I sensed a wall being put up by all the people I tried to meet. I watched most girls walk through the campus in their own groups like they were the only ones there, noticing no one but themselves. I expected to see different nationalities; I could probably count on one hand how many people Ive seen or met of a different nationality than the typical Fairfield student. I walk through Fairfield campus feeling judged and unwanted; despite the negative feelings I experienced, I found a lot of friends.
Growing up, I yearned for my peers to understand me; they would belittle me because I dont understand things sometimes as well as everyone else did. When I got third in my graduating class, my peers were in disbelief. Every time I had the chance to meet new people I hoped they wouldnt label me; I wanted to leave the girl my peers saw behind because I have grown and experienced so much. Fairfield felt almost exactly like my hometown; its lack of size and diversity makes me feel like Im missing out on so many things that college offers. My friends at Fairfield havent tried to take the time to get to know me or understand me; most of them glue to what they know which is people that are just like them. A lot of my friends and the people I meet go to school with their friends from high school, making it even harder to connect with them. Its how people say one thing to your face and another behind your back. I feel like no one is being honest here; no one is letting other people know the truth about them because they fear being different. I even noticed that the community around Fairfield doesnt know there is a school here; the taxi service even cuts their lines at a certain time depending on the night.
I told my father I wanted to transfer halfway into my first semester. Soon after, I was getting phone calls from elders saying things like Its only freshman year things will get better, give it a chance or Every college is going to be the same no matter where you go. Anything that is new needs time to become accustomed to and, I knew I needed to give Fairfield a chance, I promised myself Id give it the year. To myself I thought: Dont believe anything you hear, experience it. By applying for transfer I am giving myself options; Im applying for transfer in hopes of something better like diversity and acceptance. I am completely aware when it comes to college the social aspect should definitely take the backseat to the educational aspect, but college is such an important part of ones life. Being at college, I should be able to experience new things; college should be a new beginning. Nothing feels new here; I feel like I am back in my hometown where everyone has a label.</p>
<p>You’ll definitely need more than half a sentence on what you’re looking for, and you’re spending too much time on what you don’t like at your current school. You mention Fairfield seven times, seemingly always in a negative light. Concentrate on what you want to find at your next school rather than on what’s wrong with what you’ve got. </p>
<p>Also, is this essay for the Common App, or is there any other specific reason you aren’t mentioning the school you’re sending it to by name? You’ll want to demonstrate that you’re a good fit for the new school, have researched it, and want to join their campus specifically.
It will help others give you feedback if you post the question you’re answering as well.</p>
<p>Hope this helps!</p>
<p>About the first sentence:<br>
when you divide two statements with a semicolon, each statement must be able to stand on its own as a complete sentence (unless you’re making a list). The first part of your sentence works, but the second part doesn’t.
Also: while the first part of the sentence is technically correct, I think that it would sound a lot better without the repetition of the word “father.” I know it’s not a big deal, but since it’s the very first sentence you might consider changing it. Maybe try: “I was raised by the epitome of a Greek father…”</p>
<p>So, nit-picky grammar aside…my only major problem with this essay is that when you write about how everyone at Fairfield is the same, you only (directly) mention the female population. What about the boys?
(oh, also: “ugg boots” and “north faces” should be capitalized…and maybe try “North Face jackets” instead of “North Faces,” to make sure they know what you’re talking about)</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>it’s for common application. should I leave it the way it is then?</p>
<p>I love the message, but I do think the essay is too negative. Try focusing more on the reasons you want to attend X University rather than the reasons you dislike your current institution.</p>
<p>use “paragon” instead of “epitome”</p>