Transfer from Oxford College Emory Univ [after first semester]

Transfer Students
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Hello,

Fairly new here so here goes: My daughter is a freshman at Oxford College @ Emory. She hates it. All the things we thought were beneficial (small campus size, close knit community ie: cliquey) are unfortunately making it feel exactly like high school. She applied for clubs and didn’t get in to any and she didn’t make the orchestra. There is nothing to do, except go clubbing in Atlanta ( 1 hr away) which is not her thing-she doesn’t drink. She is attempting to volunteer in the local community but as of now she is miserable and wants to transfer for spring semester. She is highly academic, loves studying but still wants a ‘true college experience’ which she feels she is missing out on at Oxford. Any suggestions for schools that are still academically rigorous but whose student body is not just interested in drinking/clubbing. She wants to double major in neuropsych & music. East coast is preferable. She is considering Fordham, Villanova as they take spring transfers..Thank you!

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Clearly she can pursue transferring. But I would gently remind you that it is still September, and your daughter has only been in college for a few weeks. One of my sons was at the Oxford campus so I know it pretty well. It is true there is basically nothing in walking distance! But you knew that, so presumably that’s not the issue. It sounds like the issue is finding her people. If she were my child, I would urge her to continue to join groups (not all are competitive!). Make friends with some boys – most boys aren’t “cliquey”. What about doing something like helping manage a soccer team? That way she’d get the built-in friend group of an athletic team. Etc.

The good news is she isn’t looking for wild times – that would be hard to find around the Oxford campus!

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Agree with this! Great advice.

OP- I’ll bet the volunteer opportunities are not competitive- has she tried that angle? Religious organizations? Trying a new, non-competitive activity- ballroom dancing? Poetry slam?

Hugs. The first few weeks are REALLY tough!

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I do think she needs to find volunteer groups, if only to make the next 10 weeks better, as those won’t be competitive. Not being able to play in the orchestra would be tough for a music kid, is there another orchestra, band, or ensemble?

Sending a transfer application could be an outlet, a reassurance she doesn’t need to stay if she can’t stand it. Applying doesn’t mean she must transfer. However deadlines are going to come up soon.

Based on your description - academic-y, music, neuroscience, I’m going to recommend she look seriously into St Olaf. It’s outside of her preferred region (in a college town 45mn south of the Twin Cities) but it has everything she seems to want - even th wholesome/don’t drink part (it’s a dry campus). Their transfer admission deadline is Nov1.

Wrt music, 1/3 students are serious musicians and there are dozens of music ensembles; transfers can submit a music scholarship sample - music scholarship students don’t need to major in music but must join an ensemble - and for that she’d need to contact the transfer adviser as well as the music adviser detailing her ability&experience.

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PS my son who attended Oxford Emory happens to be here. I asked him what advice he would give to your daughter. His answer:

Join groups! Most are NOT competitive. Most would be very happy to have new members. Join the Middle Eastern Students Association (he did, though born and raised in the US and only 25% Middle Eastern). There’s an Outdoors Club, a Sustainability one, Emory Votes. Create a new group. Form a band. Etc

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Friends of ours sent their son to Oxford/Emory. Similar experience. They too pulled him out a month into the semester.

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Yes, she is pursuing volunteering

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Funny, she did make friends with a bunch of boys, which has been helpful

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thank you for the St Olaf’s info..it was on my radar but had always considered it too far away..but might be something to pursue now. She is having difficulty finding smaller/ensemble opportunities unfortunately.

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Thank you–I aprreciate the advice and will pass on to my daughter

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Where are you from ? You note Nova and Fordham but she’s outside Atlanta and you say Minnesota is too far away. Is she too far now?

Can Oxford kids study abroad ? If so maybe next year she goes abroad and then comes back to main campus Junior year?

Maybe she needs to come home, go to community college and then transfer next fall vs rush. Or what other schools did she get in - maybe she can contact them.

If she’s not getting into clubs, maybe you need to find a less competitive school - a public, not high end. There are many and most all will have really smart kids - and yes, some not so dedicated.

Emory is a rich kid school - might there be some entitlement ? By that I mean, while they meet need only 537 of 1437 first years got need aid. So full pay run amok there. Villanova - same thing. School for the wealthy.

I’m thinking a less wealthy environment might be less competitive.

Just one example - I don’t know of any ‘competitiveness’ to clubs at my kid’s school - Charleston.

Yours wants to study and not party but maybe a less ‘wealthy’ school might be better - yes, right or wrong I’m tying wealth if kids to entitlement and club blocking.

Maybe worth looking at are Pitt, Delaware, Brandeis, Binghamton, or even W&M are worth a look. Or taking it down an LAC pedigree notch but finding city adjacent like Dickinson, F&M or Lafayette.

Frankly, your local regional and I don’t know your state - but a Ramapo/Montclair for NJ, New Paltz/Geneseo in NY etc - you’re going to find less competition and tons of smart kids.

The level of competition is unfortunate but it’s a lesson these kids unfortunately learn.

Best of luck.

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Hugs to you and to your daughter.
It may be helpful to remind her that friendships take time to develop. Some of the groups she sees now will surely develop into lifelong friend groups, but most of the kids are just mimicking at this point. Research says it takes 60 hours to be a friend and >200 hours to be a close friend. Id advise to use her classes and hall to make friends. Invite someone to grab coffee after class or study together then grab dinner. The kids that have friends have to keep putting themselves out there long after orientation week. Even if you spend an hour a day with someone it is going to take months to be friends. So, I hope she’s able to take a deep breath and continue to trust that she is an amazing person and that some connections will bloom over the next semester.

That being said, sometimes the fit isn’t there and she can learn and grow by transferring just as much as she can by staying. Mark Stucker had an episode on the “Your college bound kid podcast” where he said he used to encourage kids to stick it out. But now he sees the opposite, that if kids want to transfer then they usually are happier at a new place.

I’ll put a plug in for Case Western. You can look at my post in the “graduating seniors”thread and see how my student compares to yours for academic profile. I’ve been really impressed. The location is fantastic, truly didn’tknow Cleveland had these resources. World renown arts museum and symphony are closer to the dorms than some of the classes. As for Case, the open system alows exploration of many different majors and programs. They are also so intentional about having the kids work together. My student’s science class has 150 kids, but week 1 they were assigned a study group of just 4 students. Those 4 students take weekly group quizzes together, so right there you have some time and interactions with a steady group of people.

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Agree with @cinnamon1212 advice.

If a spring transfer is pursued one thing to ask about is the dorm arrangements. IMO the opportunity to live with other freshmen would be an important attribute.

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Agree that Fordham might be a good choice. Rose Hill campus since she wants a more typical college experience. But make sure she could get housing as a transfer.

Also agree with looking into St. Olaf. It’s a really terrific school. There was a CC poster who had a top academic daughter who left her East coast LAC after 1 semester due to the vibe (cliques, parties) and is super happy at St. Olaf despite the distance.

With regard to “sticking it out”, sure keep encouraging your daughter to fully invest herself during her time there, but I agree with your plan to put in transfer applications. Sometimes you just know the vibe isn’t right. Be aware that some people may try to imply that the problem is on the part of the student saying things like “wherever you go, there you are.” And if your kid was always a discontented kid, no matter the environment, sure give this some consideration. But if your kid was previously a happy and contented kid, and the college is just not a match, I say get out sooner rather than later.

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Sorry, you misunderstand “wherever you go, there you are” and since I’m a poster who writes that frequently, I’ll respond.

The OP’s D should definitely explore transfer options. The OP’s D should also take an active role in coming up with solutions to the problems she’s facing at Oxford. These two are not mutually exclusive. Transfers often underestimate the social challenges of showing up after some folks have already determined their “crowd”– even at the most welcoming schools. The orchestra or chamber music groups have already been rehearsing and performing– will there be a spot for her? Maybe. The clubs already had their “Year End” whatever for the holidays, the coat drive for the local homeless shelter ended in December, the other activities are in full swing.

Can she find her peeps? Of course. And maybe it will be MUCH easier at a college where drinking isn’t an actual “activity”, and where she can make friends easily. But whatever lessons she learns over the next 10 weeks about joining (or starting) a volunteer project, getting a faculty advisor to help start and fund the “Early Music played on original instruments” club, or how to reboot the defunct “We sing Sea Chantys” performance group is going to serve her well at her next college.

Like I say- wherever you go, there you are. Take everything you can learn about initiative and adaptability and connectivity from the Oxford experience and bring it with you. And if by some chance the OP’s D is able to turn her situation around and decides to stay- well, there you are!

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I would add that I don’t think Oxford Emory is particularly competitive, or more competitive than other schools. I suspect all the colleges mentioned on this thread also have clubs with competitive memberships. That just seems to be how things are done, unfortunately. I do not like it, and also think it’s a little ridiculous. But this model of club membership seems to be limited to preprofessional clubs (or, I suppose some social clubs, ie fraternities and sororities).

My nephew was an accomplished cello player. I cannot remember if he was in an orchestra (I don’t think he was). However, he started an all-cello group that still is performing today, and has performed around the world. Actually, their website says they are all orchestra dropouts :-). Anyway, perhaps the OP’s daughter can start a quartet or something so she can still play and have fun.

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We are in NY. Yes I agree with all of this–the wealthy atmosphere is not for her, which will take Nova off of the list. No study abroad available. Thank you for all of the great suggestions, will start looking into these.

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Thank you so much for this kind post. We will look into Case Western.

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Yes, agree with this 100% (and got a big laugh out of the “We Sing Sea Chanty’s) :joy:

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My best advice in a word: Transfer !

The issue is not whether or not to transfer; the issue is where.

In order to answer the where question, it would be helpful to know more about your daughter such a as which schools she declined in order to matriculate at Emory at Oxford, and her qualifications as well as any strong likes or dislikes.

I am not a fan of her current school and I am very familiar with Emory, Atlanta, and even her current location. I love Georgia, but would not send a child to this school barring highly unusual circumstances.

FWIW Interesting to read the Wikipedia entry on this school as it originally was opened as a high school designed to mimic Andover & Exeter (both of which are probably more of a college experience than is your daughter’s current school).

P.S. After reading of your daughter’s attraction to Notre Dame and of her current intention to apply to Villanova & to Fordham, I would also encourage her to consider Boston College which has a fondness for music majors.

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