Transfer par.

Transfer Students
1

<p>Its abstract but i wanted to talk a lil about high school and an upward record since…i dunno if its the proper format but needless to say here it is</p>

<p>Adolescent’s .Pure. Untainted .With every possibility, possible. They dream, they imagine and the thought that their lives fail to be anything but grand fails to provoke their minds. Everything is in front of them. They are raw, ripe and ready for the picking. And in the midst of adolescent bliss, life happens. The life that parents and grown-ups tried to protect us from, the life that is wicked, treacherous and hard. What happens to those grand dreams? The thought of becoming a Doctor, Astronaut or even engineer they fade into the abyss, and those adolescents become young adults who no longer are innocent and their knowledge pollutes their thoughts irrevocably changing those youth with smooth dreams.</p>

2

<p>that seemed pretty solid, as long as you can follow it up nicely</p>

3

<p>You got some misplaced and missing commas. Just go over that.</p>

4

<p>don’t capitalize doctor or astronaut</p>

5

<ul>
<li>no apostrophe in “adolescents”</li>
<li>comma after “imagine”</li>
<li>“protect us from” should be “protect them from”</li>
<li>last sentence is a run-on!</li>
</ul>

<p>it shouldn’t be a problem that it’s abstract, as long as you follow it up with something more concrete.</p>