We are feeling pretty tortured these days. Long story short - son has good offers at small LACs - Whitman, Willamette, Lewis and Clark, U of Puget Sound. Whitman likely at the top but even I have some concerns about size and location (very remote). He got music scholarships at each school, which allows him to continue music without committing to a music major - sort of the best of all words.
I thought for sure he was leaning towards Whitman but last night said he’s now wanting UC Santa Cruz. I’m an alum, so there’s lots I love about it but also not thrilled about the headaches - housing, impacted classes, fewer job opps on campus etc. Dollar for dollar, schools are about the same except for Willamette which is the cheapest by 10k.
We want the decision to be his but it’s very hard for me to wrap my head around letting go of the small private experience where his needs would be met and he wouldn’t be a face in the the crowd. We are from San Francisco and the “vibe” factor is def playing a role for him.
Maybe I’m just venting but I am finding it very hard to support the UCSC choice when I seem to have a clear bias. Even though I’m not sure if he would get to a small school and hate it! any insight, experience, advice, please share. He’s an introvert for what it’s worth. Hate the idea of him falling between the cracks.
Obviously it’s big big vs small and easy housing vs not.
How important is music to him ? Is it assured at ucsc ?
Is there a significant other in play ?
In the end, it’s his four years, not yours.
Did he click at any LAC like he does at UCSC? It could be they are not for him.
You can still apply to other flagships - an Arizona as an example and likely many more - even cheaper - if he wants big but without the housing hassles (they’ll still be pricey housing wise).
As for jobs, if there’s a surrounding area to school, he can likely find a better paying off campus job than an on campus one - althiugh CA might be the exception.
It could be he’s pivoted and an LAC isn’t for him. Mine was looking at mid size - WUSTL types - then fell in love with two enormous flagships.
They’re 17. Things change. My daughter liked mid and large but when it came time to cut, the large quickly fell.
So I’d roll with him. It’s his four years.
But if you have a budget limit, he needs to know or needed to know in advance - because you are paying. And that matters too if you can’t afford or don’t want to afford it.
What are his academic interests besides music, since you mentioned he may not want to major in music? Perhaps he is motivated by academic interests that are more available at UCSC than at the small colleges.
Thanks! I think UCSC makes me more nervous than the private schools bc we are just a number at UC but at LACs there’s room to appeal, negotiate, etc. if the sh*t hits the fan. We will be paying for college in real time (don’t have a nest egg for it). He did immediately like UCSC when we toured last fall. Geographically, it’s his sweet spot.
Also - not sure about music at UCSC. I don’t think the support will be nearly as abundant. Privates offer free lessons and ensemble training the entire time you are there.
This is something you need to account for. What if you don’t have the money…lose a job etc ? LACs - yes you can appeal but those are not meets need schools - it doesn’t mean they’ll budge.
Have you looked at Humboldt as a less expensive option than Santa Cruz ? It’s a Cal Poly.
They have a forestry major. Not sure if it’s amongst the trees like UCSC but it might be given where it is.
He will need to advocate for himself - at both LACs and large schools.
Yes, he had been excited about Humboldt at first but somehow it fell down the list. When I brought it back up he said that (his on again off again gf) said everyone there is “weird.” sigh. That’s what’s frustrating - who knows where the influences are coming from.
I say this as a mother of a son and two daughters. Trust your son’s instincts.
Your son is the one who will be attending the University.
Your son should be able to make his own decision based on his needs.
I don’t think it helps that your bias is coming across to your son such that he is going to feel guilty and miserable if he goes against your wishes. It’s about your son.
I don’t know how many times I’ve had to hold my tongue when any of my three children made an adult decision that I disagreed with. In the end, they own their own decision and if it’s a mistake, then they learn and move on from that. I really believe that we guide our children to become productive adults by letting them make their life decisions.
I told my children that I trust their judgment.
If they make a difficult adult decision, that I don’t want or like, how can they ever trust me again if I intervene? Both my husband and I give multiple opinions. We don’t make decisions for them.
Maybe your son likes Santa Cruz because it’s close enough to home but far enough that he can step out from under your shadow and seek out what’s going to motivate him. He Will find his people there. Give this young man the power, that he needs, to plan his future.
I hear that - I negotiated successfully at the LACs to get to UCSC or less. It’s going to be tight but at the moment, we can make it work. The overall instability of the country is less than comforting, so it’s gonna be one tuition payment at a time.
That makes me stressed - knowing that you’ll be :). UCSC housing is pricey so you might look at off campus options with him now - and then bring Humboldt back in bcuz you might be in unaffordable zone year two. I don’t know - only you would. If you will be, have that discussion now b4 you start and it’s too late to turn back.
CC is an option that we’ve suggested but I think he’s looking forward to a real change. I will bring Humboldt back up in earnest. Also Willamette - same price as Humboldt. There’s also deferring and gap year. I’ve suggested that as an option as well. Agreed - very stressful.
This was exactly what made it perfect for my S23 (we are from the Bay Area too). He could come home for the weekend if he wanted (which was helpful in the first couple of quarters).
It has gone surprisingly smoothly for us, with no problems getting classes (for required major prerequisite classes they have opened up more sections whenever needed). Housing has been fine too: you are guaranteed a triple dorm in freshman year (which is more spacious than at some UCs like UCLA), then he got an apartment spot in the lottery last year (for sophomore year). When he got shut out this year, he found a room to rent in a house downtown for next year within 2 days and it’s all done (he can renew at the same price until graduation). The only issue is needing an ample budget for accommodation (he is paying $1350 per month plus $150 for utilities for a double and has to pay for 12 months), but if you are proactive it was very easy. He’s happy to take some extra classes over the summer anyway. And he found a summer job at the Lick observatory last year (he’s an astrophysics major) and was asked to help with observations this quarter. There would be plenty of summer jobs at the Boardwalk if you stayed for the summer.
Summer classes are fairly cheap: they cap the cost at the equivalent of 10 units, so if you take the regular 15 units it’s 33% off. They have a bunch of GEs that are online which makes it an economical way to check those off even if you are back home.
All great feedback. I’m glad it’s been so successful for your kid!