Transferring out of a great four year uni due to mental health issues?

Transfer Students
1

Hi all,

I am a freshman at the University of Rochester. It’s only been a bit over a month so far, but I find myself fairly miserable here. I know that most people say that if I give it more time, I will adjust to the school better and find myself liking it here. However, I would like to focus on my options based on my current situation, and I am interested in transferring out, hopefully by the end of my fall semester.

A part of it has to do with homesickness, yes, but ultimately, I feel like I don’t fit here. University of Rochester was my first choice school, and I was thrilled to get accepted. I am receiving great aid and scholarships, paying basically nothing except for $3000 federal loans every semester to be paid off after I graduate. I graduated valedictorian of my high school with a total class size of 437, and I think my application was overall very strong, except for my low SAT score (2010).

I am an NYC native, and I would like to return home soon. Fortunately, there are many schools to choose from in NYC. Unfortunately, transfer students do not get the same perks as freshman applicants. For example, St. John’s University offered me a full scholarship for all four years if I had started there Fall 2015. However, I contacted them about readmission for the spring semester as a transfer, and they informed me I would need to reapply, and on their site, it states that transfers can get, at most, $15,000 per semester in scholarship money. This hardly covers the tuition, and my family’s annual income is around $25,000, so I am very reliant on scholarships and aid.

I know that UR is a terrific school, and I have a lot of opportunities here. However, the social isolation and the little things I’m not liking about the school add up, and I fear my maladjustment to the school is exacerbating mental health issues (e.g. bipolar, anxiety) that I am taking medication for. Worse, this makes it very difficult for me to function properly. I feel the urge to stay in bed all the time, I haven’t showered in about a week, and I don’t remember my last proper meal. This, of course, is severely affecting my grades. It sounds a little ridiculous, I know, but I’m hoping others who suffer from depression can understand. At least with my family, I had someone there to make sure I was taking care of myself. At this rate, I feel that in a few weeks, I’ll probably spiral down into some suicidal hole.

I don’t know who to reach out to. The idea of transferring back somewhere in NYC got me out of bed today. My transfer application will not be nearly as strong as my high school application was, however. As explained, my grades are suffering, I have not built a relationship with any professor (necessary for a recommendation letter), and I’m not part of any ECs. I’m planning on applying to Columbia (huuuuge reach, I know), Fordham (match), SJU (match/safety), and CUNY Hunter, City College, and Queens. I would be very happy with Fordham, but I am afraid I won’t receive aid comparable to what UR is giving me. If that’s the case, I may need to attend a CUNY, which is affordable, but I don’t think I’ll get the same opportunities and support as I will at UR.

Also, I originally started school with the idea of double majoring in Political Science and Computer Science. Next semester, I’m thinking of focusing on Computer Science and starting a path on the pre-med program. UR has a terrific pre-med program, with vast research opportunities that aren’t too competitive, the school’s own hospital that pre-med students have available to them, and almost 70% of the school’s pre-med students are accepted to med school.

Basically, I feel like staying at URoch should be the obvious choice for me. I hardly pay anything, there are countless opportunities for a motivated student, and I spent years of my life vying and working my butt off to come to this school. Reality sucks, and I just can’t adjust. It’s taking a toll on my mental health. I feel like I’m trapped, and my alternatives don’t really help matters. If it really comes down to it, I can hope that something shifts in me, gets me out of bed, and gets me working as hard as I did in high school. But there’s no guarantee that things will get better, and I feel it’s smarter to be proactive about switching schools (or at least being given the opportunity to switch schools) than flunking out by the end of my freshman year.

Sorry for the long read; I am in desperate need of an objective set of eyes to give me some ideas. Thank you for your time!

2

First question: Have you contacted the office for students with disabilities? If not, do so immediately. They have a lot of resources and can help advise you.

3

Have you talked to your parents? Call them.

4

@MaineLonghorn If it has to do about my mental health issues, my private doctor and psychiatrist recommended that I don’t inform my school about them because it could hurt me in the future. :confused: I’m not sure why specifically, but they both said something along the lines of it being best if my record was clear of mental health issues officially. Maybe I should contact my doctor and let him know I’m struggling and see what he suggests then.

@intparent I don’t want to worry them. My mom would freak out. They know I’m having a hard time adjusting and that I’m not doing too well in classes so far, but they don’t know to what extent exactly.

Is there anything else I can do? Perhaps some more insight into what my options look like as far as transferring? :confused:

5

It will not hurt you to contact the school. That would be illegal. The office of students with disabilities exists to help students like you succeed. You’re shooting yourself in the foot by not contacting them.

My son has a mental illness even more severe than yours. The office at his school assists him often - they will even contact professors if needed. Believe me, your situation is VERY COMMON. My son’s profs all told me they have students every semester who need accommodations. One professor even shared that she has struggled with mental illness herself.

It’s not the 1950s anymore, thank goodness. Ask for help!

You could also contact your state branch of NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). They should have a hot line for resource information. It’s different than a hot line for a person in crisis. They can talk to you and give you ideas what you might do.

6

You need to see a mental health professional who can adjust your medications and give you counseling that works well for your particular conditions (cognitive behavioral therapy perhaps, since that focuses on readjusting to your environment and is very individualized). UR should have some very qualified people who can help you and be able to refer to any other resources at UR and in Rochester.

Talk to the disabilities counselor and adviser now, to see how you can make it through this semester and also how to keep your scholarship active even if you end up taking off a semester to recover.

Do not make life decisions until you feel more balanced. Depression affects all thinking processes including your own perceptions of what you think. In other words, right now your depression is telling you to do things that are not necessarily you talking and not rational. Your opportunity at UR is terrific, do not throw it away.

For example, how could you enjoy anything about UR if you are spending all week in bed?

Lastly, it may be OK to consider a back up plan … but not a full new application cycle. I would think it would make more sense to consider a semester near home that would then transfer back to UR for credit, sort of a more local semester abroad. ask about that option…

7

@MaineLonghorn @PickOne1 Thanks, you’re right. I have a few assignments I need to get out of the way that I’m going to try to finish. I’m also going to head for a shower and maybe eat something in the dining hall. Afterwards, I’m planning on calling my parents and bringing them up to speed. I’ll get in touch with the University Health Services soon. Thanks again!

8

Yes, your parents will be worried. But what you don’t want is for them to find out after you have spiraled out of control and avoided getting help, and dug a hole academically and financially that is hard to get out of. You need to engage them, and get professional help either from your home doctor or your college (and I agree that you can ask for help from your college). You can figure out if a transfer or withdrawal, or continuing where you are makes sense with their help and support.

9

Hey man I really empathize with you. I strongly suggest you start working with a school therapist or counselor, as well as an academic counselor. Changing your entire environment is hard for anyone, however doing so when suffering from mental health issues I can only imagine must be really difficult. The fact that you aren’t eating is something you gotta change quick, I’m sure you know you need that fuel to think and stay alert. Personally, I believe you can likely overcome this while staying at UR and be better for it, but that takes combating the mental health aspect of this directly, and not just by taking medication. So I wish you all the best in whatever you decide, you sound like a very talented and intelligent person who is doing the best you can. I hope you locate a therapist, most campuses have them on staff and if not I’m sure there is one in your area that is covered by your insurance. I get how that suggestion might not sound too appealing, and maybe you don’t trust therapists, you aren’t alone in that however Its worth a shot to try. If you can try meeting with a few different ones and finding one you really feel the most comfortable with, you can start really getting these feelings off your chest and begin to regain a sense of control and comfort. Best wishes to you, you deserve to feel better and I believe you can do this !

The UR Counseling Center (585) 275 3113

They have eveything from Psychiatrists, Social Workers, Therapists, Counselors, and Interns who have graduated but are earning their hours toward full certification, and if you are more comfortable with someone closer to your age an intern might be an option. The point is they can and will help you if you give them a chance. Good Luck !!!

10

Thanks all for your kind words and support! I really needed the perspective. I am talking things through with the right people and figuring out what to do next with what I have available. I will do my best to adjust here in Rochester, and yes, it’s important to ask for help from others when I need it, even though I forget that sometimes. Very grateful that you all are concerned enough to offer your advice and time to a struggling stranger on the internet. Thanks again! :slight_smile:

11

Make yourself go through the motions. Act ‘as if’ even if your heart isn’t in it at the moment. Schedule a shower every other day. Just 5 minutes is fine. Also any student who didn’t eat would quickly deteriorate mentally and physically. So you are just setting yourself up to fail. Decide on something you will eat or drink if you skip a meal. Get a few cans of a protein drink or something you can have in your room, even an Ensure or Slim-fast type product and drink it or eat an energy bar. Make a rule yourself that it is either a meal or a replacement. And do not neglect to take all your meds.

I don’t understand where your therapist is coming from. I am very surprised at the advice. I can see you don’t want to put this in your application, but it isn’t reasonable to go away and not use services when you need them. You are having an emergency and you need the services now. Maybe the perspective of another doctor or support person too. I hope you will contact the counseling or disability office tomorrow. Please just do it.

Sure you can try for a transfer but it is not guaranteed or likely the most favorable schools will be available for you. I don’t really like the mindset to get out because the best option may be right there. Unfortunately you take yourself and your mindset wherever you go so you need to deal with this wherever you are. It takes a year to get adjusted to a new school. I don’t know why people expect it to happen in a month. Friendships aren’t formed in a month. If you know you had no stamina for change I wish you hadn’t planned for it. I realize you need to just worry about one day at a time right now but keep in mind that there are end goals here and longer term planning and strategy you don’t want to completely ignore. But first things first, go get help tomorrow. Fine apply to other schools but take care of this semester.

Remember you will go home for a long winter break. If there is any money for thanksgiving you could go then, that is just next month.

12

Do those right people include a doctor at home or on campus?

13

One of mine also benefitted from using counseling at her school, though she also had a psychiatrist at home. It made a huge difference, in part because college mh counselors know college age kids, the context and the issues so well.

Lots of good advice here, so I’ll just add: if part of this is he environment change, missing the city hustle, can you go back to NYC occasionally? Not avoiding schoolwork or integrating with college peers, but for the city fix? Could that be a compromise of sorts? Best wishes.

14

I agree with the comments that say don’t make any major decisions in this state you’re in and find a way to “suck it up” and force yourself to keep moving through it. I know its tough, and no one would want to see you be like that student that was in the news a few yrs ago who jumped off of the roof of a parking garage or something at UPenn… Depression is serious and should be treated as such with as much professional help/support as you possibly can access. BUT with that said, do you really want to look back on your life and have the regrets of leaving a great school and everything you worked for because you “couldn’t handle it”? Homesickness, loneliness, doubt - these are all things we experience in life, maybe even more so after college. If you can make it through 4 years (ideally not being depressed the entire 4 years if you can get treatment and therapy now) you can have a degree and a great life! Reach out to people and make more of an effort to get involved in activities, I’m sure that could help as well. Good luck!

15

Lots of excellent advice here. Make sure to keep your studies in the best shape possible. This will keep your options open if you end up still wanting or needing to transfer.

16

Order of business: meds, sleep, eat, learn/grades, emotional/physical support. You can do this. Please check back here, as the advice shared so far is excellent.

17

I am also a freshman at URoc. And I am also considering to transfer out. I have the same issue with recommendations… I haven’t gone to office hours since the start of the school year and none of my profs know me… But my situation is quite different from yours. I am an international student and I prefer cities like LA, Chicago, NYC, etc. I don’t like UR pretty much… I don’t know how to express my feelings but I just don’t like here :frowning: college life here is not what I expected… I hope you will be getting fine. What classes are you taking this year? I am worrying about my math and writing grades which will hurt my GPA a lot. Maybe we can help each other if you decide sophomore transfer…

18

Never did come back to update you all. I’ve worked out a set routine that I follow and make a pointed effort to shower, eat, and exercise everyday, no matter how I feel. I’ve gotten my medications adjusted, as well, and the counseling center is also an open option that I can return to. I struggled through the first half of October, but I feel like I finally have things back on track and am well! I am doing my best to catch up with all the work I slacked off on through office hours, additional tutoring, and plain brute force studying for hours and hours a day, and I think if I can ace the next couple of weeks, I could probably average out my failures to Bs, Cs, and possibly an A. :stuck_out_tongue: I’ve been feeling in control of my life for the past few weeks, a feeling I’ve missed since June, to be honest. Hopefully this isn’t a fluke.

Just wanted to thank you all for your sound advice, especially when I wasn’t thinking too clearly. Sorry that I didn’t update sooner! I wanted to wait until I was sure my good news was indeed good news, and not just a false sense of wellness.

@michellegxx How do you feel about the school now? If you’d like to talk, you can always PM me. :slight_smile: Are you on Facebook?

19

Can you finish this semester and then request a leave of absence? I agree you probably need a switch up in medication, and I must admit I find it troubling that the doctor is saying to keep the situation secret. That seems counter-intuitive on many levels.

However, I am not of the belief you should just slog along alone at a school that is not near family if you are severely depressed. If you can get time off, then you can go home, regroup, and figure out a plan. Simply by changing meds, being able to de-stress, and just growing a bit older can possibly help get you focused, and then you may look at UofR with new eyes. The key is to keep the door to the university ajar.

And do not feel in any way that you are a failure if you are not happy somewhere. Everyone has their own path.