<p>So I made a big transition in high school…I was an all state athlete (basketball and baseball) and I realized that my passion was actually for dance. I was having trouble getting my story started. I used a method of telling my story out loud before trying to write. Check out my video and let me know what you think! Specifically, what areas should I focus on in my essay? Where would you want to know more of the details? </p>
<p>He I checked out your story. Great job! Left some feedback and questions on your page. I recorded a story on the site too. Will you give me feedback if I private message you? :-* </p>
<p>Thanks for sharing your video. Are you looking to go to a college where you can study ballet or is that something you will pursue outside of school. It might affect the topic you pick. </p>
<p>I think this is a great story, since the theme is all about defying expectations to achieve something great. Go into detail about how people reacted to your switch - especially if the reaction is not one you’d expect. Highlight your internal struggles as well, and why dance meant so much to you as a person. Good luck with it! I started ballet really young too - just regret that I sort of stopped when high school started.</p>
If you did get some reactions from others (esp. ones that were not supportive or did not understand), you could include it, but you want to keep the focus on how that made you feel and how you worked through that.
Show, not tell, is key to a good essay. Could you start with a day when you were trying to do both things (maybe running from ballet lesson to baseball game or something?). And transition to the decision to try out for the arts school.
I don’t think I would say your dad was pushing you to audition if you don’t need to put that in. But certainly say that you were conflicted.
Pivotal moments are good points to put in your essay. Did you have moments of doubt even after starting at the arts school? Things like self doubt, moments of revelation, and specific examples when you gained confidence or direction are good. It could be a great moment in a class when a teacher complimented you, that moment alone on stage, etc.</p>
<p>Great story. I agree with others that while this is a great start, I hope you can flesh it out more. How did your friends/teammates/coaches react. If you encountered any negativity, how did you overcome?</p>
<p>Overall, you’ve followed advice that I’ve been given by my family, and which I give out to my friends, and occasionally here: do what you want to do, not what you think others want you to do.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the feedback and support. If I can help review anyone’s video or draft let me know! Once I get my essay together I’ll post it here. </p>
<p>I agree with intparent. You can solicit members to read your essay and send it to them via PM, but I would choose those members that have been here a while and/or those that have a large number of posts.</p>
<p>I suppose you’re right. That’s actually why I felt more comfortable sharing the video because it’s not really something someone could steal. I think it’s actually a good way to get feedback on an idea. </p>