Hi all,
I was just asked to give a talk to a big of parents of 8th graders (in the Spring, right before the 8th graders graduate). They asked me to focus on the transition from Middle School to High School. I have a ton of ideas, but I figured I’d reach out to this community to see if you might have any words of wisdom for the parents of incoming freshman? Perhaps about scholastic or social issues (or any other kind of issue you think is relevant.) What are some things you wish you had known before your kids were in high school?
[i was also asked to address the 8th graders themselves, not just the parents, so if you have any ideas of what you think your own teenager would have benefited from hearing, I’ll be grateful for any advice on that as well.]
Thanks in advance for anything you’re willing to share.
Some stuff that I wish that I’d known:
- Make a variety of friends early on.
- Avoid getting a reputation too early on unless you’re 1100% sure you’re comfortable with it.
- Figure out how not to procrastinate.
- Don’t form your opinions based completely on what others say, regardless of who they are. Decide how you feel about it.
- Don’t cheat.
- Snapchat looks dumb.
- Talk to people you disagree with.
- Join clubs.
Well, stuff that I wish I’d known, stuff I’ve heard, and stuff I’ve observed.
Use an agenda and plan your days. This has helped me tremendously.
Also, make sure to stay active. If you play a sport, that’s great. But if you don’t, make sure to exercise or do something outdoors. It will keep you motivated and is beneficial for your overall health.
Advice my older step-daughters gave to my daughter when she was a freshman:
-Freshman year will suck and you will look embarrassing in every photo you take. That’s okay.
-Be involved in something, participate in school spirit. Go to the football games and the basketball games.
-Build strong relationships with your teachers, you won’t regret them
-Don’t be afraid to make new friends
-People change, you will too. That’s okay. If you feel yourself drifting away from something, then let it happen. It’s okay to lose interest in something or someone as you grow.
-Stay organized
-Don’t lend out your mechanical pencils, you won’t get them back
-Four years feels like a long time but it will go by so fast.
Seek out the parents of upperclassmen that have had a positive experience and follow their lead. There are traditions, ECs, and networks that you can support and help your DC have a positive experience as well. Avoid those that find fault with everything and usually also fail to try to make anything what they would like it to be.
Drive carpool. Once your kids drive themselves you will lose that opportunity to know their classmates and friends overhear their conversations, and become that “trusted adult” in all their lives.
Compliment their teachers and coaches in your conversations with them and about them. It sets a tone of respect that is invaluable. Your DC are smart enough to hear what you value and what you do not.
I wholly agree with the agenda. 8th grade was really rocky with my S but he’s got a better handle this year in 9th. A stern talking to by his older sister about how to organize probably helped.
Don’t let your kid (or yourself) get sucked into the college vortex before 11th grade. Any time one of them says, ‘will this look good for college?’ tell them that anything they love and care about will look good for college and they don’t need to think about it for two more year. And any time you are tempted to say, ‘this won’t fly in college’ or ‘how is he/she going to survive in college?’, remind yourself that kids change tremendously between 9th and 12th grade. You won’t recognize them as a seniors.
Be sure to address issues you deem important, but keep your audience in mind. Often incoming freshman parents are a little anxious about the transition. Acknowledge it and set a positive tone, by emphasizing the opportunities for growth.
I would organize a presentation where you talk on a few key points you want to make…academic, social, ECs, etc. I would not plan on talking for too long. (maybe 15-20 minutes?) Then I think something our district does very well, is to have a panel of “experienced” parents available for a Q and A. We get 5 or 6 parents (moms and dads) who represent different parts of the high school experience…high academic achievers, sports, service, yearbook,student gov, etc.
We have a handout with a short bio of each experienced parent, describing the number of children who have attended/are attending the school, their ages and their school involvement. Parents of juniors, seniors and college students seem to be especially helpful…because the conversation invariably gets to colleges and standardized tests.
These info sessions for incoming freshman parents can be wonderful in setting expectations for the high school experience. I would definitely try to get input from the counselors, who i assume will have a representative present.
Lastly, depending on your resources, a short video might be really fun and helpful. You could piece together a short one of current students, sharing their ‘words of wisdom’ for incoming freshman. The goal in my opinion is to not only to inform, but also to have the parents leave feeling optimistic about the transition.
I would remind parents that their kids are ready for HS. That they are going with their classmates- not alone. That the HS is ready for them and there is no need to ease into things (their kids are ready for them).
Remind parents how their kids already made a transition from elementary to middle school. Tell them the responsibility has been shifting from parents to child and will continue to do so. This means less input and knowledge about school life than before. Again- remembering how there was a shift from elementary to middle school.
Tell them not to be afraid. Remind them how their child successfully navigated middle school and will be able to handle HS.
After all that tell them their kids still need guidance- even if they protest against it. Keep an eye on their internet site usage. Think about new rules and discuss with the child- do not arbitrarily decide on them without the child’s input. Discuss how this is a time their child can project a new image and not be stuck with the middle school ones.
Start Strong because it’s hard to significantly increase your GPA in 11th & 12th grade.
I agree with urging parents and students to avoid thinking about college until mid-junior year or so and enjoy the “now.”
Humor is always a great tool in these kinds of speeches.
I (personally) printed HS list of classes and analyzed it, line by line, all prerequisites etc. I was told that I am a helicopter and that my D has “4 years to figure out what she likes to study”. Guess what 
In the end of the 8th grade, my D was, one of the few students in her middle school who planned classes in 9th, 10th, etc. Of course, adjustments were made, as she started HS. But adjustments were very targeted and easy to make, because she was already familiar with the options
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Each year when HS starts there is a long line to the counselor’s office with kids who “don’t know what class to take”, “signed up but don’t like it”, and “I want to take this class. I didn’t know that it has pre-req”.
@californiaa, that is a poor counseling department your school has. Ours requires 8th graders to make a 4 year plan for high school and be signed off by guidance. Of course it can be changed–in practice, course selections are entered each spring–but at least it forces the families to review the options, think about the entire plan and every student enters high school with a realistic plan in hand that meets graduation requirements and has their electives selected and prerequisites met.
I’ll give you an example of what not to do. When D1 was in 8th grade, the welcome to the high-school presentation for students and parents included a 10 minute discussion of the recently conducted student survey, with the focus on the percentage of students reporting high stress levels, depression, and suicidal thoughts. What should have been a rah rah you’ll love high school meeting reduced many emotionally fragile young teens to tears. I would have left with my D, but the students were seated separately from the parents. I know mine was one of dozens of calls and emails to the school.
The school kept the meeting positive the next year.
Include the tips from #3.
“Don’t let your kid (or yourself) get sucked into the college vortex before 11th grade.”
That is excellent advise for most, but a big mistake for a few. It is not the right approach for every kid.
This bit of advice re college vortex doesn’t mean you can’t talk about college at all (indeed if there are older sibs in the house, it’s unavoidable. But it is very possible to talk about college without turning it into a load of prescriptions that add stress or communicating your own anxiety about the process.
I think the advice from @awesomepolyglot is solid and I’d add, let your teachers get to know you, go to them when needed, and sit up front, where there’s less distraction, ha.
Talking about college too much, too soon just confuses too many. Instead, focus on the traits we know will help them have the right choices later: a willingness to try new things, the ability to take on a challenge.
My niece and nephew are freshmen this year and I wish my brother had some conversation with them.
Choosing the right HS was the major thing for my D. Much more so than choosing her college. It took me very long time to subtly convince her to attend at HS of our choice. She thanked me many times over and still maintains very close relation with her HS friends. They are definitely the most close and the most supportive.
After choosing the right HS, everything else fell easily to its right place and D. had no problems in any aspect of her HS years, just very fun memories of it and whole crowd of very nice people who are still around her, maybe not physically though.
Just a year ago or so, I learned that D’s HS happens to be #2 among privates in our state. We had no idea about it.