I went on a driving trip with a friend (about a week) a few years ago. She wanted to stop for coffee every two hours (seriously). I don’t mind stopping to switch drivers, but she has a caffeine addiction that i wasn’t really fully aware of until then… and she needed a white noise machine to sleep in the hotel. Our interests for activities weren’t completely aligned, but that wasn’t what bugged me. We are still friends, but I don’t expect we will travel together again.
I think by nature some people are easier traveling companions, and others are harder. I remember hearing a friend had a “major meltdown” because her traveling companion bought something they hadn’t discussed on a grocery run. I realized I would never travel with her. I’m pretty laid back about most things, and am happy eating in or eating out, going expensive or cheap, and will tell you what I want if I have an opinion. What bothers me most is if someone has no opinion about anything, doesn’t have any idea what they want to do or what they want to eat, etc. If feel like I “am” the entertainment, or I have to make all the decisions, I don’t like that.
Another thing to consider: are you going to share a room? I think it’s easier to travel together if you have your own room. If that’s too expensive, then if you are traveling from place to place, plan on separate rooms in the less expensive towns. You need to have some “alone” time now and again. If you’re rubbing each other the wrong way, it can help to just separate for the night.
Discuss details as suggested above. But what it comes down to is how attached are you to very specific outcomes for this trip in terms of what you see and do and eat. Is the fun of the companionship worth the trip not being exactly what you had in mind? Or can you join together, and see more with two minds looking at the map, laugh more with both of you together?
There are always points of compromise in traveling together. But you need to figure out how alone would feel on this trip as a point of comparison.
Years ago when I traveled solo in Asia, but fell in with others at times, I would compare the experiences. I realized for the most part I liked being with someone else, and perhaps was more adventurous. But the destination came most alive when I was alone and interacting with my surroundings solo.
What a great summary and insight, @great lakes mom! Absolutely agree and what a great way to consider the opportunity. I’m going to remember your criteria next time I have an offer for friend travel.
I have done a few road trips with friends. In all cases, the details were discussed in advance of the trip. But in each case…there was a “first trip”.
I think I am pretty easy going about plans. I also agree it’s good to have some flex time built in so everyone can do their own thing, and not feel they have to be with you 24/7.
I did a terrific road trip, a week long, with a friend a while ago. We had so much fun! We did a second trip the following year. So much fun! Then, she moved far away…bummer.
@“great lakes mom” Excellet post. In this particular case, I do have a specific outcome in mind. It’s not just sightseeing and anywhere will be good. That kind of trip is planned for next year. I guess what I am asking boils down to Is it ok to ditch your friend to get the outcome we both set out to get? I’d be ok if I am bumped off. Would a friend understand if I am the one doing the dumping? I guess I could ask but sometimes you think it’s ok beforehand but not when it really happens.
@Iglooo you need to ask your friend.
Some folks really think the whole trip should be a together thing. Others think separate time is fine. So…do some planning.
I agree the answer will have to come from the friend.
Other than our children, husband and I only have one couple with whom we are really comfortable traveling. It hadn’t occurred to me that our compatibility might be due to the fact all of us want to brush our teeth on vacation and stop every two hours, unless we are under some deadline. One half of the couple spends untold amounts of time finding wonderful places for us to eat (during one of the every two hour stops) so that is a real plus for us.
We like to do the same sorts of sight-seeing, eat and drink and put our heads down at the same price point, so that makes it pretty uncomplicated. When we did a short trip last year and one other couple and a singleton joined our usual foursome, we discussed it beforehand and decided the four us would just pick up all the meal checks because we just cared a whole lot more and wanted to be able to pick the restaurants. This did create a certain level of discomfort. I’m not sure there was a better way to handle it. The others wanted to eat together, just would have been happy with something from a street stand. Since we were in a place famous for restaurants and it was impossible to even visit all our favorites, the rest of us just couldn’t stand to go that route. And they joined onto our previously arranged trip, so there was that.
A while back when a new friend learned I was going to visit one of my kids by myself, she decided she would like to go with me and I said “sure.” It was to a city with which we are both familiar. Then it turned out while I wanted to leisurely visit museums, galleries and boutiques, she wanted to enjoy the city by walking pretty much all day long, though different neighborhoods, only stopping for lunch. And then she asked me how much time we actually had to spend with my kid (who only had limited time due to work schedule) because maybe we should not even stay in the city but in a neighboring community, which she finds more interesting. When I told her I really had to make myself available to my kid during whatever time he had free, she decided to join me on a trip at some time in the unspecified future instead.
I had told her I’d skip the museums, etc, but I couldn’t skip the kid, which was actually my reason for going at all.
I will say that I’m a much better travel companion than I used to be long ago. After a lot of travel over the years I’ve seen a lot, don’t feel like I’ve missed out if I miss some site on my to-do list and just over all willing to “go with the flow”.
Another thing though–if you share a room–how about snoring? keeping lights on? sharing bath rooms?
Get your own room unless cost is a factor or you are pretty sure you’re compatible in these respects or at least able to just “grin and bear it”.
I’m in an organization of women that travels for long weekends yearly. Finding a good roomie is gold. Same people room together for years–much discussion to allow a “newbie” in the room. Super fun with compatible roomies or hell if not (although good for a story!)
This is a walking trip. You either go to the end or you don’t. You can’t just miss one or two things here and there. It is not a strenuous trip but it can happen that one may not be up to it. For those who drop out, there’s a transportation to take them to the end or to back the beginning. It won’t be fun to be transported to the end and wait around for the others to come. We can both be transported to the beginning and go home. That won’t be fun if you are in a good shape and ready to see the end.
Yikes! With these details added in, I can see how stressful this could be. I could THINK I was in good enough shape to make it for a walking trip, but my body could give out along the way.
Are both of you active walkers already?
I would guess that if either of you was willing to be transported to the end…and wait for the other, this would be OK.
It would NOT be ok to end the trip and go back to the start.
Sounds like one of those walking tours. (I’m wondering why people just don’t give details upfront since advice always changes). If you think you are up to the trip and think it would be fun no matter what then go. You both have to be clear to take different paths if need be–let the other continue if one can’t do it as planned. No hurt feelings if left behind. Like going solo and hopefully meeting a new friend but better–got an old friend in tow.
Life happens but it’s more fun shared which is why you were invited.
I am secretive 
and a little short on executive function. I just had a vague uneasy feeling. Reading people’s reply helped me know what was bothering me and verbalize. I am fit and rarely back out a trip. That means my real question is if it is mean to go on when your friend is suffering. I would hate to turn back and come home. I am waiting for a moment to break it to my friend.
@Iglooo I think you just have to state your stance and position on placing a priority on finishing the walk. If your friend can live with that, then she knows ahead of time what she is in for.
We more often travel with friends than not. Hiking, cycling, skiing, sightseeing, exploring, road trips – you name it. Vacation is the best time to socialize when we are not sleep-deprived, overworked, and overburdened by day-to-day routine. We often share vacation rentals, sometimes very small quarters. We buy groceries together, we cook, we eat, we drink, we laugh. We watch movies late into the night, we sit by the fire, we listen to music, we talk until we start falling asleep. Sometimes we bring our kids, and we are always delighted when our friends “share” their kids with us during vacations. We are thrilled when the kids bring along friends or significant others.
Yes, we have our differences. But we can deal with them, and we are happy to compromise, because we are…friends. What good friends are for if you cannot spend time together with them?
That said, I agree that the trips must be chosen based on fitness level, health, certain skills or interests. We don’t need to do all activities together, but we want everyone to have good time.