A friend of mine suggested we travel. I haven’t traveled with a friend since out of school. While it is an interesting opportunity, I am also apprehensive. What do you do if our energy level is not compatible? One of us may like to push on while the other need to take a lot of rest. Or worse what do you do if one runs out steam and wants to go home while the other continue on?
Be upfront about expectations as to all the points you mention. You don’t necessarily have to be together 24/7
Maybe you could just start with a long weekend somewhere not too far away and see how that goes.
yeah…good question…it could be a way to lose a friend.
My H and I traveled with another couple to Europe last fall and it was an interesting trip. In the beginning I was a bit concerned as the other couple did not want to get moving in the morning because of the time change (9 hours in Spain and France). We worked it out that H and I would do our thing and meet up with them sometimes for lunch, but mostly for dinner. In the end it worked out just fine for us and we still maintained our friendship!
First long ago travel experience with friends was fun but that “getting up and going thing” is hard as well as what your expectations are for dining. Cheap and fast or slow and expensive? Bit of both?
The longer we’ve traveled together we say what we want to do and invite the others to join in or opt out. We try to hammer out a few “got to do” stuff before we leave that everyone wants to do as a group. Much more relaxing and everyone enjoys the trip getting to do it at their own pace. If someone would rather go sit by the pool that’s great while I go shopping and walking around.
Two or three days was my limit when I traveled with friends, and even that required a lot of discussion beforehand about what we wanted to do. I’d try a very brief trip with your friend first before committing to anything longer. It could be great fun or it could be the end of a friendship. I hope it’s the former.
I’d start with a short trip or maybe try an all inclusive resort or a cruise where it’s possible to do your own thing part of the time without it becoming a point of contention.
You might also have a frank preliminary discussion about when you like to wake up and get going, how active you’d like to be, what activities you’d prefer, and budget. See if you’re compatible for those basic things. Also if you want to build in some alone time, make that clear as well.
We went on vacation with our good friends last year to Key West and it was one of the best vacations I can remember. I think traveling, as in going one place after another, may be different. We knew before the trip that our food preferences were similar and we allowed each another enough latitude to do things separately and together. I really liked having another woman so we could do a bit of shopping (mostly window, some lingering) without big sighs and rolling eyes.
I have traveled with friends as well as my H. The secret (as mentioned in previous posts ) is that you have to be completely candid on expectations including budget, pace, and interests. You also must be able and comfortable doing things alone. So that if traveler A wants to go to another museum while traveler B wants to shop ---- no feelings are hurt when A or B take their own initiative. Even H and I do this. H can only take so much late Hellenistic red figure pottery and I don’t want to see one more Napoleanic battle ground.
I take a girls’ trip nearly every year and there’s anywhere from 8-14 of us that go. We always stay someplace that is walking distance to all the fun, shopping, restaurants and bars so everyone can come and go as they please but meet up at the pool or at the hotel bar at pre-set times. AI in Cancun fit the bill very well, even allows shopping downtown via bus for less than $1 each way.
Myself and 12 of my friends spent my 50th birthday week in Newport, RI and that was a blast. I rented a three bedroom condo so could sleep 12 if necessary, but most came for 2 or 3 nights at a time which allowed for more comfortable sleeping arrangements. Eight of us went to Isla Mujeres and stayed in a 3 bedroom right on the beach and downtown is right there, everything within walking distance.
Disney is where I’ve run into problems. Too hard to check everyone’s boxes a the same time. I like to be at the parks for opening and couldn’t care less about 9 pm fireworks. Its only worked out very well when its been myself with one child matched with a good friend and her child, the same age.
It may work better in a group than just two.
Have an honest talk with your friend. Talk about what type of schedules you each like to keep, what your interests are, how you like to travel (walk, cabs, take tours), what you like to do for meals etc. and be sure you are compatible. Discuss if splitting up for parts of some days might work if you want to do some different things. Also be sure you talk about money upfront (how much you are comfortable spending on important items, for overall trip).
I’ve traveled with friends (pre-marriage) and enjoyed it and my young adult S travels with a group of friends and it seems to work out well.
One small detail to check on with your friend…how do each of you feel about tipping?
I am a very frugal traveler, and our family is known for splitting meals and bringing our own food in coolers to eat along the way. However, I can not bear to eat with someone who is not willing to tip the waitstaff adequately. I will drink water with my meal if I need to, in order to leave a decent tip.
I went to Paris, 10 days, with a girlfriend a couple years ago. She had studied in Paris and returned periodically and I also had visited multiple times, so we were familiar with the sights. Before we left, we spent several afternoons sipping wine and checking out current exhibitions and planning what we wanted to be sure not to miss and also emailed suggestions back and forth. This itinerary wasn’t locked in stone, but did give us lots of ideas for our days when there. It also settled all the time and energy questions before we left. Turns out, we are amazingly compatible travelers, same sleep needs, same pace, same love of walking, same interests, but the pre-planning would have given us a chance to set expectations if it was clear we had different personal agendas or needs. Because we both know the city and are comfortable solo, it would have been easy to go our own ways - which we did do the first day as my friend was ill. If traveling to an area where you are not comfortable doing any solo touring, I’d talk expectations through and come to some agreements before leaving. You don’t want to feel that you missed seeing something important to you because your friend needed a rest, but also you don’t want to force a pace that will result in bad feelings. My Hubby often waits in the cafe or museum lobby quite happily (or returns to the hotel) while I tour (he and I are not compatible travelers). Such solutions are easier to put in place if you’ve discussed things before hand.
Budget can be interesting. I paid more for the hotel because I was not comfortable with the economy level my friend prefers. I did this quite happily - met my needs and she was not forced into a price range she was not comfortable with. We were lucky that our idea of a budget for meals coincided. Another factor to discuss upfront.
I suspect, as others have suggested, that talking things through before going will tell you a lot.
I would try a short trip first and plan it with him/her ahead of time to see if you have compatible interests/values/energy levels (like others have mentioned).
An additional issue with us is that we really like to relax when we’re on vacation, and the vacations we’ve taken with friends I always felt like I had to be “on”, and I couldn’t walk around with fuzzy teeth or no pants.
We found that cruising with friends worked better and that we just met up occasionally for dinners, shows, or snorkeling. Plenty of no-pants downtime for us that way :).
Note to self: Make sure to confirm with traveling companions that they are planning to brush their teeth and wear pants in my presence.
Thanks for the head’s up!
I have to be on so much everyday that I can’t imagine traveling with friends. We did go with my sisters family to disney and we shared a house and knew ahead of time it wasn’t about me and the time I was having. We also then went to an all inclusive. But my sister and I are very close and our kids are the same age. We grew up sharing a room.
I’d be concerned with a friend about the collective decisions over everything and having to talk all day…or listen to someone talking all day.
For my vacations, no picky eaters need apply to be my travel companions. That would be a deal breaker for me.
I have traveled with my best friend from middle school and her H & 2 kids. It was my family of 4 and hers. We have had an excellent time for both 2 week trips–one to Yellowstone and the other to Washington DC. We were careful to do a lot of emailing back and forth. The 4 kids got along great–our 2 and their 2. H and I have gotten along great with my friend and her H as well and we have visited one another many times over the years before we tried this. We also went on an Alaska cruise with them and had a blast!
I have traveled with a woman I didn’t know well, and it worked out OK. Our travel expenses were paid for by her nonprofit and mine, and we had similar idea about entertainment and activity level, so we had a nice time.
We have also been on tour groups where we had friends also on the same tour group. Those are easier, since most everything is done with the group and you just get yourself on and off the bus.
It makes good sense to talk ahead of time about budget, energy levels, how much time you would like to spend together and how much apart, who pays for what, etc. I agree that sometimes a long weekend is safest before a longer trip, just in case you don’t want to try for a longer time period after the long weekend. I can only handle a long weekend with my extended family. It’s too hard with everyone wanting to lead and having wildly different ideas about what is fun and what is within (or outside) the budget. When our kids were younger (before they graduated from college), I got the family to have several long weekends at least annually because my kids craved it and loved getting together with their cousins. Since the kids have gone, I don’t plan it any more and it no long happens (too much work).