Treasuring these times

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Or maybe I should call it “The best of times, the worst of times” in honor of my sophomores who will finish up Two Cities after vacation…at my house, it’s a mix of vacation fun, Profile, and FAFSA. </p>

<p>It’s just after midnight and my daughter and the gang came in not long ago from what was apparently the greatest ping pong match ever. I wondered how eight of them would keep from freezing while four played (outdoor table and it’s snowing lightly). Turns out it’s done like this: two partners on each team with paddles, two more on their side at each corner with flashlights to 1) illuminate the table and 2) randomly beam the lights at the opposing team to distract them and keep them from making a successful volley, and finally, two more “team-mates,” positioned on either side at the other end of the table–the team scores double points if either of these two can knock the ball out of play with a snowball. </p>

<p>Now they’ve put a bunch of tea light candles on a cookie sheet to roast marshmallows for s’mores while they watch a movie–The Gods Must be Crazy; it sounds like something is hysterically funny, but I don’t know if it is the movie or the marshmallow experiment, maybe both. </p>

<p>All these kids are seniors. They really are making the most of the time they have left together (military community–half of them will go home at Christmas next year to new homes, who knows where?..and all of them will be at least six time zones away from here next fall. OK, gotta stop that right now, making myself sad when I really want to just savor the moment. They are such a great group–close but not clique-y, smart, funny, friendly, the kind of kids I’m happy to welcome into my home (and fridge!). </p>

<p>Now it’s someone else’s turn. What are your kids doing? Share one of those heartwarming “Awwwwwww!!!” stories that will surely be more uplifting than the cheerleader scandal.</p>

2

<p>Awwwwwwwww, Renee, {{{{{hugs}}}}}…</p>

<p>I, too, have a D that is a senior. She will most likely stay in state next year for college, but that hasn’t stopped the flow of poignant “lasts.” </p>

<p>Our home tends to be THE gathering place for kids, college students on down. I marvel at the wonderful friends my kids have cultivated over many years, and I truly treasure each and every one of them, fully as much as my children do.</p>

<p>Having a college sophomore now, though, I have come to realize that this is <em>not</em> the end. Each time he comes home (and even when he’s away), our house becomes filled up with so many wonderful kids. They always come “home,” you know?</p>

<p>So, enjoy these moments, but do not lament too much…your kids (and their friends) will NOT be gone forever, and the reunions are sweet and precious! :)</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

3

<p>The Gods must be Crazy is a hilarious movie (I think I watched it in history class in high school)! It’s about a Bush Tribe in Africa that finds a Coke bottle in the middle of the desert thinking it was a sign from God. The film is pretty much all in what appears to be a Bush language of clicking. If I remember correctly, the tribe tries to get to the ocean to return the bottle to the ocean (“the end of the Earth”).</p>

<p>It is definitely worth a watch and boy do I miss those days of sleepovers and being silly and young (not that I’m old, but I’m no teenager)…</p>

4

<p>But back to OP’s original point – sadness over impending departures – Yes, I am sad. My younger son goes off to college next August, and Things Will Never Be the Same. I am savoring now. Trying to squeeze out a few minutes here and there with him. I know from my older son’s college career that it starts out slowly – yes, they come back – first Fall break, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas – but by the time they’re juniors, they’re taking a semester abroad, then working for the summer in another city. They may come home, but they don’t live at home anymore. It’s sad. I do have a life separate from them, but it’s still sad. Still, as my husband said years and years ago, Our goal as good parents is to help them become happy, independent adults. That’s the goal, right? So if they achieve it, then we’ve succeeded. Better than failing, for sure, but damn . . .</p>

5

<p>Ah…I know. I have been the single parent of one since her birth, and dreading the day she leaves. I won’t have anyone at home at that point! I am seriously contemplating starting a new life for myself somewhere so that I am not moping around the house remembering all the good times…</p>

6

<p>sunshadow,
I’m the single parent of a college freshman. & I am working hard to start a new life for myself somewhere else. But it has as much to do with the city I live in and the crime that seems to be out of control as it does with my son leaving. If he hadn’t loved his high school, we would have made a move 2 or 3 years ago - but I couldn’t up root him from his friends and activites. My friends all think I’m crazy…why leave the Bay Area. But it is hard (the first couple of months were hardest) having my son away. I am so pleased my son is happy and doing well and in a strange way I’m happy he’s very independent - I have friends whose kids are away for the first time at college and they talk evey day some of them talk 2 or 3 times a day to their kids - I’m lucky to hear from my son once a week. But I will say when he came home we quickly fell into familiar routines. Now he’s back at school and I’m back to being on my own. Its not so bad once you get used to it.</p>

7

<p>It changes when the kids leave for college, but in some ways it’s even better. Yes, I miss them terribly on a daily basis–but I am also not run ragged juggling schedules, doing the mom taxi thing and feeling like I am always leaving someone out. </p>

<p>Now when the kids are home, I can devote my entire attention to them. And of course you never know–sometimes they do come back. Oldest son and his wife live only 3 miles from us, so we get together at least once a week for dinner. Just this afternoon, youngest son and I spent about 2 hours discussing everything from organized religion to tolerance for other’s imperfections (perceived). When he was in high school, these conversations usually only occurred, at least lengthy ones, when we were alone in car together.</p>

<p>I keep telling myself what my father used to quote
“We can/want to give our children two things—one is roots and the other wings”.</p>

8

<p>My little sixth grade, 11-year-old D just got her <em>first</em> boyfriend! Of course I am using this term loosely <em>ROFL</em> as I would obviously never allow to have anything resembling a “real” boyfriend, but OMG, this little boy is the most ADORABLE thing EVER! And I haven’t even met him!</p>

<p>He spotted my D in her choir concert (he’s on a different team in school than is she, so they have no classes together), and he approached her afterward to tell her that she did a GREAT job! :slight_smile: There was one of the 5th-6th grade dances at the rec center that night, and he asked her if she’d meet him there (she was already planning to go). And then he asked her to “go out.”
In sixth grade terms, this means that you call yourselves bf and gf. That’s it. You don’t talk on the phone. You don’t see each other. You don’t go anywhere. You’re just an “item.” :D</p>

<p>Now, the REALLY cute thing is that I have NEVER heard of a sixth grade boy asking out a sixth grade girl. It is simply not done. The protocol would be that you find one of the girl’s girlfriends and tell HER that you want to “go out,” with her friend and then the girl asks FOR the guy. The guy would NEVER risk the rejection with a personal inquiry! :wink: And yet, this little guy did just THAT!</p>

<p>They exchanged tiny holiday gifts…my D got him a Slinky and some Hanukkah gelt, and he got her this darling set of plastic, pink bead bracelets. There were something like ten of them in the little set. She hasn’t taken them off since she got them!</p>

<p>And then…the other night, this little guy CALLS!!! Again, I’ve never seen ANYTHING like this!!! The guys his age just don’t DO THAT. So, they have a 45 second conversation, and I ask her what he said. She told me that he just wanted to wish her “good night.” Awwwwwwwwwwwww!!!</p>

<p>So, yesterday, my 18-year-old D convinces her younger sis to call this boy (and you have NO idea what THAT took…my youngest is VERY EMBARRASSED about having a “boyfriend” and has banned ALL of us from talking about it). But, somehow she gets the nerve to call. His mom answered, and before she could even identify herself, the boy’s mom says, “Oh, HI ___<strong><em>!!! No, _</em></strong>'s not home right now…I’ll tell him you called.” And only a few minutes later, D receives a call from the little boy FROM HIS FRIEND’S HOUSE! <em>lol</em></p>

<p>The thing that I find SO precious about this is that in this day and age, you simply do NOT see these types of truly, totally, completely, overwhelmingly INNOCENT “crushes” anymore. But apparently, there is ONE boy who is every bit as innocent and naive as my D!!! :D</p>

<p>I have this overwhelming urge to find out who his mom is (I don’t even know the boy’s last name!) and to tell her that she has raised the most delightful and precious little boy EVER. </p>

<p>MAN, this kid is goin’ to be fightin’ off the girls in high school! :)</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

9

<p>Oh, I love the part about him calling right back from the friends house!!! So sweet, and those kind of boyfriends are just fine.<br>
So far my daughter’s boy friends are just friends who are boys, and they all seem happy enough with that (I know I am!). We have had more young airmen hanging around over the holidays–they call me mom and seem to like my cooking, but I’m starting to wonder if good food is not really the main attraction!</p>