<p>Hi. So I hate SAT Essay prompts when they’re dealing with technology/society and heroes. I’m still thinking/working on the technology/society prompts but I decided to try a personal essay for hero prompts. </p>
<p>This is my first time, EVER, to do a personal essay and I would like for you to comment of whether you like it or not and whether it works. If you have any other critique of the specifics, please post. I am all for scores but it’s not necessary since this is my first time. </p>
<h2>Thank you! :)</h2>
<p>Prompt: Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?</p>
<p>Essay:
"He was a small, red-haired boy with large glasses that nearly encompassed his entire face, magnifying the dozens of freckles dotted on his nose and cheeks.</p>
<p>“Hey Freckle Face!” someone cried out in the midst of the hall. I looked around and saw that it was my old friend Ryan. “Big bad brother Rick isn’t here anymore. Who’s gonna protect you now, twerp?”</p>
<p>Freckle Face kept on walking, trying to ignore the taunts and jeers that bombarded him as he walked to class. His real name is Johnathon, but nobody remembers this since the day Amanda, the royal queen of my school, first commented, “You’ve got a lot of freckles on your face.”</p>
<p>The sneering remarks grew worse and worse; the kids now began to make fun of his family, especially his divorced parents. </p>
<p>“You’re parents never loved you!” Ryan continued. I stared at him in shock. I couldn’t believe what he was saying or how he got the nerve to say such a thing. “You were a disappointment to them Freckle Face. A disappointment!”</p>
<p>I stood there in helpless rage as small tears began to flow from the eyes that sorrowfully wavered behind the gargantuous glasses of Johnathon Campbell. I couldn’t believe how in humanity the kids were able and willing to treat another kid so cruelly just because of the way he looked. I wanted to cry out, tell them to stop and leave the poor kid alone, but my fear was more powerful than my fury. I didn’t want to face the consequences of my action. I didn’t want to face the severement of my relationships with my “friends” and be a “loner” in high school. </p>
<p>As I stood there motionless, a clear voice rang above the sneers and jeers. “Leave him along!” I turned around and watched as Jennifer stomp right up to Ryan and stabbed him on the chest with her finger. “Ryan Olfred, you leave Johnathon Campbell ALONE!” she screamed. </p>
<p>There was complete and utter silence then. Ryan quickly stumbled away, and, as if a signal was sent out, the rest of the kids dispersed immediately.</p>
<h2>I watched in admiration as Jennifer went over to Johnathon and hugged him. Jennifer did something that day, something that I couldn’t have done. Wouldn’t have done. She had stood up for a fellow classmate, and now a friend, unwilling to give in to the juggernaut of teenage peer pressure. She took action when I cowardly stood there helpless. Jennifer was, indeed, a true hero that day: a hero who had the courage to speak what was on her mind and right the wrong. </h2>
<p>Somehow, I managed to finish my essay with 3 minutes left and I proofread some stuff and changed some stuff. I kinda like it even though I went way overboard in length. </p>
<p>So what do you think? </p>
<p>If you’re wondering what I’m specifically looking for they would be:
- Does the story transition smoothly enough to make sense?
- Did you like it?
- Did I make my point clear?
- Was it believable or too wacko?</p>