I was with a guy and he was the first one who truly loved me. I think he loved me more than my parents did. He was the first one who truly wanted me to quit smoking and I quit smoking because of him. I smoked from 16 to 21 and I quit at 21 when I met him. Even my parents did not try to help me quit as much as he did. When he first asked me out he said to me, I love you, and he meant that because he helped me quit smoking and no one else ever did that.
But now he left, he went off to medical school and I am in my final year of college and I don’t think I will ever find another person like him. He doesn’t like me anymore, I offered to move to his location upon graduation but he said no, as it is a small town and he admitted that he is dating other women. The options I know are wide open for doctors and everyone wants to marry one and he does not like me anymore.
I am not sure why, I guess he just found someone better? I think I am quit pretty I have modeled a bit in fact, and we get along so well. He is my best friend and I think I was his as well. We started off as friends for a year.
I doubt I will ever find anyone who loved me as much as he did and I don’t think I will find someone whom I will love me as much. He changed my life. I had boyfriends in the past and none made me quit and my parents didn’t try as much so I really don’t know what to think at this point.
He changed my life and because of him I will live longer and better and happier and I want him. I think that true love comes only once and that was it for me. I have been dating since the beginning of this year and I don’t feel that way towards anyone else.
You will find someone else. Imagine if there was only one person for each of us in this 7 billion person world. The chance that we would meet that person would be almost 0% so none of us would ever get married or be in a relationship. You’re still so young and although I know it hurts a lot now you will feel better with time. You’re not going to change his opinion so focus on you. Spend time with friends, complete a goal, travel, volunteer…
“True love” is a mutual effort, not a gift. It does not come only once in a lifetime. There are any number of men with whom you could be happy. The “one true love” myth causes so much unnecessary unhappiness. You didn’t quit smoking because of this one person. You quit because you wanted to. You put the effort in. Yes, you will find someone else.
“You quit because you wanted to. You put the effort in. Yes, you will find someone else.”
He used to throw away my cigarette packs, physically hold me back, yell at me to quit… it is not that simple to quit when you started so young because your brain is developing. It was not just that I wanted to, of course I wanted to but he forced me physically… If it wasn’t for him I might have gotten lung cancer, the worse form of cancer… Thank you though.
There is always something special about a first love. But they are not the only love, just the first. It’s normal to give, but you will get past it. And congrats on stopping smoking. But yelling at you and forcing you physically sounds abusive. If this is for real, take care of ourself and find someone who doesn’t yell at you or physically restrain you.
“If this is for real, take care of ourself and find someone who doesn’t yell at you or physically restrain you.”
He wasn’t my first love. I mean, like physically take away the cigarette from my hand, keep me indoors when I wanted to go out (I don’t smoke indoors bc of apartment policy). He wasn’t abusive. It was like what any parent would do. I mean, I worded it wrong, he was very gentle. I mean he is becoming a doctor. Very nerdy type of person, not abusive or violent at all. I feel bad for giving that impression
I know it CAN feel like there is only one true love, especially when you were very attached to your fist love, as many of us were. Believe me and all the rest of us parents when we tell you that indeed there are many wonderful people in the world that CAN be the “right one,” depending on YOUR and HIS stage of life. TIming means a great deal in relationships and what you needed as a young woman is not necessarily what you will need as you get older and your grow and your needs change.
I had a great love in HS and another one in college and yet another one in grad school. Upon graduating, I moved back to my hometown and met many others who are all wonderful, including the man I married and still love nearly 30 years later. I did sincerely love the men in my life prior to meeting H and am very glad they were a part of my life, but am very glad that H and I met and married.
IF there was only ONE true love, there wouldnl’t be so many re-married widows, widowers, and divorcees. I say focus on school and being comfortable in your own skin and see how YOUR life evolves. Your former boyfriend has already told you that he’s moving on with his life and wants you to move on with yours. Please believe him.
He isn’t the only person of the billions on the planet who would have helped you quit, he just happens to be the one that did. There are another 3.5 billion males in the planet – there is someone else for you. And he did not love you as much as you think he did – he hasn’t stuck with you. You can find someone who will.
he was with you for a season and now that season has passed. Some people go through their whole lives not knowing what it is to love or to be loved. You have done that. He gave you something that you needed during that time and you are grateful. You have fond memories. Now take all of those memories store them in a box, put a nice ribbon on it and put them away.
He has moved on and it is not an act of love to love someone who is not loving you.
You can’t receive something if your arms are folded. Take some time, but not too much, to say woe is me. Then go out with your arms and heart wide open to receive your next love.
I dated my first “real” love for over 6 years. He died in a tragic accident. It was horrible. I hurt for a long time.
But I eventually moved forward, and one day (several years later) met the man who evenutally became my husband. So I know that what you are saying is patently false. There is no such things as only “one” true love. Don’t go looking for that right now. Focus on getting out of school. Focus on making yourself whole without needing another person to complete you. Then, someday, you may be receptive to giving and receiving love.
By the way, this young man clearly didn’t love you “more than your parents.”
But he’s NOT your one true love, as he is dating other people.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
I’m of the personal belief we may not just have one soulmate. Who we marry / wind up wth is just the result of a lot of happenstance. I love my husband dearly, but if I’d gone to a different college - heck, been placed in a different dorm - I never would have met him. Well, then I would have met someone else and been happy too.