<p>Early in your postings, you mentioned that she sometimes says things about you behind your back. While you’re doing a re-direct on the money, I’d also call her on that. She should also know that you heard this (whatever it was) and it hurt your feelings. Another form of accountability and maturity, I think.</p>
<p>“She doesn’t have over-draft protection and the only reason I was on the account was because I wanted to have on-line access to what she was spending her money on. You know, those tattoos, etc…”</p>
<p>I think she’s too old for you to be having that kind of oversight about how she spends her money. I do, however, think you should hold her responsible if she runs out of money, etc.</p>
<p>I agree with paying3tuitions for holding her responsible for talking behind your back, and you should let her know that this hurt your feelings. I did something similar with S. At least one of his friends and been dropping very broad hints that they thought that H and I were stressing S out and being rather selfish by not paying for his first year in college. I told my S this, and asked him to make sure that he told his friends the whole story – that our actions were in response to the major senoritis that caused us to not know he was graduating from high school until days before graduation. He appears to have followed through because since then, his friends have expressed sympathy for the situation he’s in, but haven’t dropped hints that it’s H and my fault.</p>
<p>Momoney - I would never advise having a joint account of any sort unless absolutely necessary or very logical, or such as between married persons. There are too many issues post 9-11 with regs, reporting, and if the other party does something wrong even accidently - such as bounce a check - it can reflect on and impact the other party to the account. </p>
<p>Mine opened her own checking account at our branch when she was in high school - used it to deposit her earnings from summer work, etc. Then, when she left for college, I deposited money into her account two or three times a year. (You can deposit into your son or daughter’s account without being on the account or for that matter even knowing the account number.) I deposted everything I had agreed to pay for her - including the tuition due. I wanted her to be the one to write those checks to her college, because I wanted her to have the experience of seeing those funds leave her account. Anything extra, I would usually support her if other expenses came up; but she paid for her own books, haircuts, etc. Of course, after soph year my grand plan went south because more scholarship $$$ came in so the college was writing her checks instead of the other way around and she didn’t need any money from me any more, but, this seems to have worked. </p>
<p>I have never questioned what she spends or how she spends it because I refuse to get into the minuteau. I have been very clear about what I will do in terms of support and if she exceeds what has been provided and what we agreed would work for our budgets AND cannot come up with a logical, mature explanation for why the allotted funds did not last, well, she would just be out of luck - but - that hasn’t happened. Of course, if she had a legitimate need for more money and could articulate to me some reasoning that made sense I wouldn’t hesitate to help her out of a tight spot. </p>
<p>Of course, my strategy was a little bit risky in that she could have misappriopriated the money provided to her for tuition, but, then, she would have experienced the consequences, as well.</p>
<p>“Of course, my strategy was a little bit risky in that she could have misappriopriated the money provided to her for tuition, but, then, she would have experienced the consequences, as well.”</p>
<p>And if she had misappropriated her tuition money, her actions would have demonstrated that she lacked the maturity to be responsible at college.</p>
<p>I don’t know for sure, but, am reasonably certain mine spends right up to the very edge…our tier 1 institution recently dumped her as an investor because her balances weren’t high enough - they only want high net worth individuals I suppose - anyway, they dumped her funds into their standard savings account, which pays almost nothing in interest, so, she went and got another savings account at another insitution, then she bought a three year CD or something…</p>
<p>The poor little thing, I felt sorry for her at the start of the summer - at her first full time job post-graduation, and she negotiated her pay advance so she could rent an apartment, anyway, she got her little apartment, her utilities turned on, furnishings or at least a bed, internet connection, found the grocery store, the laundry options, and figured out the train schedule to get to work, but, when she received her first paycheck, realized her bank does not exist in her new city. So I got a phone call something like this: “mommy, I have three checking accounts, and three savings accounts. And I do not have ANY money in ANY of them”… lol… those are the kinds of 911 calls I don’t mind…and I don’t have a problem helping out when someone is genuinely trying. </p>
<p>But seriously, momoney, I have found that by increasing the responsibility on my daughter, and quickly substantially reducing my own involvement, gets the right results. Cell phone bill is another example - the first month away at college, mine managed to run up a $600 cell phone bill. She just got cairried away, and all her friends were away at college too, and they all kept calling each other, I guess. So I paid the bill in full, but then I turned the entire thing over to her - put her in charge of the family telecommunications, and even put it all in her name. I told her she was getting $X a month, and if the bill runs over, she would have to find some way to deal with it. Haven’t had a problem since and I haven’t had to think about the phone bills since. It’s very liberating…I did learn later though that she learned from her new friends at college that to a person they began to turn off their phones towards the end of their billing cycles, in order to avoid running over…</p>
<p>If I stay involved, it seems to slow down her maturation, but if I step way, way back, she picks up responsibility. I don’t know if every family is this way or if this is just our dynamic.</p>
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<p>Wow. Why would anyone want to talk that much is beyond me. I have a pay as you go phone. I make like maybe 2, 3 real attempts at human contact once every 2 months? Most last about 1 minute a piece or so. I think the longest phone call I’ve ever made in my life has been 10 minutes.</p>
<p>Well, she was NOT calling me 
Not to derail the thread, first, she’s uber-extravert, second, from what bits and pieces of information eventually trickled down to me, she was having some serious adjustment issues at the time with the athletic program. She went from a high school where she ruled the campus and won all the awards to a very competitive D-1 program with a very autocratic coach who had zero tolerance for decisions and orders being questioned, very strict regiment, non-negotiable rules, etc., and, where performance, not politics/favoritism/seniority was what mattered, and I think she was calling all of her friends who are also athletes at their various colleges and trading experiences, information, getting support, etc. Of course I am sure she was also socializing telephonically…to that end, though, the high phone bill was worth it, if it helped get her the support and peer contact she needed to get through a challenging adjustment…</p>
<p>* just got cairried away, and all her friends were away at college too, and they all kept calling each other, I guess.*</p>
<p>wow aren’t any of them on the same plan?
if they use the same carrier- it at least should be free to call.</p>
<p>D didn’t even have a cell phone till her year after junior year- she just I-M ed everyone ( constantly)</p>
<p>“Momoney - I would never advise having a joint account of any sort unless absolutely necessary or very logical, or such as between married persons. There are too many issues post 9-11 with regs, reporting, and if the other party does something wrong even accidently - such as bounce a check - it can reflect on and impact the other party to the account.”</p>
<p>I am not saying this is right or wrong. I think it is smart thinking. </p>
<p>However, Suze Orman, the financial guru, who I don’t personally like, recommends the opposite if the parents have good credit. </p>
<p>When your child goes to borrow money to buy a house and car, his interest rate is assessed according to his credit score. Half of his credit score will be the parents’, raising his significantly, and he will get a lower interest rate.</p>
<p>I have always had a joint account with my children and they have one without me. It is easier for me to put money in their account this way when they are away.</p>
<p>When they bounce a check, which they do every now and then, I always call the bank and have the late fee removed. I keep enough money in the bank in my account to cover their overdraft fee. The bank is making money on my money - my kid (who I’m supporting) doesn’t need a fine also, when the bank is making interest on me.</p>
<p>Kids can gradually learn to handle money without the banks making a profit off of them. Just my way of thinking about it. </p>
<p>And, my husband and I have never had a joint checking or savings account of any kind.</p>
<p>Some adults never learn. My husband just received an email from somone that owes money to us for a service. He agreed to pay an amount biweekly to pay his debt. He is now asking us to “bear with him”, stating if his salary were garnished he would be homeless, and it goes on…Then there is an apology, but not one dime toward his debt.</p>
<p>Children aren’t adults. A brain doesn’t reach maturity and adult comprehension until 25.</p>
<p>We also opened up a joint account with our D simply so that her checking account would have overdraft protection with our money market account.</p>
<p>She has never abused it and we don’t check either account online. What we’ve observed is that she checks her balances every couple of days to make sure deposits from her job are posted to the account and to check her balance. She will call periodically if she has a question.</p>
<p>We’ve noticed that with her on-campus job and her checking account she can now more directly relate hours spent working with purchases she makes. Before making discretionary purchases, she’ll think about it in terms of the number of hours she had to work to pay for that item. That has helped control her spending. It’s been a great way for her to learn how to manage money.</p>
<p>I would definitly recommend overdraft protection. My wife and I have it on our joint account since I don’t check my balances often enough to make sure we have enough to cover checks that we write. It’s a cheap and easy way to avoid overdraft fees.</p>
<p>We got joint checking with our kids as they were minors at the time; we have kept it as an easy way to do college budgeting & deposits, though I have told each of them they can open a solo account at the same bank if they don’t want us to see what they do!</p>
<p>We do put in all the money for the term at the beginning of each term, allowing them to budget and pay bills. We also run a “tab” if we pay thier expenses or they pay things we would reimburse for (medical expenses etc) and settle up a couple of times a year.</p>
<p>We began in HS with a monthly/annual clothing/pocket money/toiletry budget so they could learn the value of the various shampoos etc. A few interesting cat fights when one sister uses the other’s make up or hair product were interesting, but mainly it showed that each kid stayed true to their tendencies- my spender always was out of money the end of the quarter, but has lots of trinkets, my miser squirrels away everything, but can take a place trip to visit friends far away when the need hits, my in between is on a nice even keel, not too much, not too little.</p>
<p>I have been thrilled to put my graduate on her own cell plan, and off of my car insurance as she needs to see those costs tangibly. I hope that as she begins grad school the lessons have sunk in more, but we are letting her pay for it all on her own (graduated with no loans UG and got a nice well-used but well-maintained car) </p>
<p>You D won’t learn anything if you deposit whenever the money is spent, give her a reasonable budget if there is a valid reason for no job right now, or let her suffer and realize a job is needed.</p>
<p>My kids have OD protection via the bank linking their account to their credit card cash advance, so no bounced check, but nasty interest charges if you err, one learns quickly not to err. ;)</p>