<p>why would you do it while your roomie is in the room. That’s gross. tell him to go catch a movie with his friends then do it haha.</p>
<p>this happens at every school</p>
<p>why does Tufts need to make a formal rule (that is unenforceable)?</p>
<p>We had our beds bunked. I had the bottom bed. When her boyfriend’s boxers accidentally fell on my pillow next to my head, I said, “Okay, that’s it, guys,” grabbed my backpack and toiletries, and started spending most of my nights at my now-husband’s apartment.</p>
<p>It happens! My husband has a story from his dorm days, too!</p>
<p>I think some people just need to grow up. Sex will not traumatize anybody, its as natural as breathing.</p>
<p>member said: “I think some people just need to grow up. Sex will not traumatize anybody, its as natural as breathing.”</p>
<p>hahahaha</p>
<p>yeah, just like breathting right into someone else’s face </p>
<p>Kei</p>
<p>Rumor has it, that in the past few years, a girl at my D’s school got pregnant in her dorm room, and it was while her roomie was sleeping above! Yuck…</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>There was a guy in my dorm who had his girlfriend living with him, in a double room. His (male) roommate was something of a nebbish, rather unattractive and socially awkard. Several of us once asked the nebbish if it didn’t bother him that his roommate and his girlfriend were having sex. No, the nebbish told us, “sometimes I just watch.” I’m sure you could write a whole psych paper on what each of the three people living in that room were getting out of the experience.</p>
<p>I loved boysx3’s story, but it sounded like the randy roommate just kept on with her behavior. boysx3, if that squashed her, all honor to you 
but if not, then what’s a student to do? Playing Barry Manilow or John Cage while humming along tunelessly, or accidentally dropping a box of thumbtacks on the floor right before you fall asleep is just going to lead to an escalation of hostilities. If the RA can’t enforce good roommate behavior, what’s a student to do? Call the head of housing and have them come for a visit? Send a letter with some compromising photos to the roommate’s parents? </p>
<p>Funny, isn’t it, that at some schools a student can be expelled if alcohol is found in a suitemate’s bedroom, but at other schools, there’s nothing you can do about a roommate who makes your room unwelcome.</p>
<p>Gee, now something else to talk to the kids about before they go to college: “and remember, dear, its not polite to do the horizontal bop when others are present!” This happenned occasionally at my college, but getting booted out of dorm rooms for visiting overnighters happenned ALOT.</p>
<p>Actually, my plan worked pretty well.</p>
<p>The guy that was with her that night got out quickly and never came back. And, as you can imagine, word got out all over the dorm…</p>
<p>Roomie was mad as blazes, but I had had enough over the past couple of months. I just threw her words right back in her face (her telling me that her activities on her bed were in no way interfering with my use of the room) because she had never been interested in reaching compromise or a workable situation in the past. It never happened again when I was around. I’m not sure if it was because she knew I would do it again…or if no guy ever wanted to be caught with her in our room.</p>
<p>Thirty years later, I’m not sure if it was the best way to handle things…but this was in the days before roommate “contracts” and the RAs hands were tied because our dorm had 24 hour visitation and roomie insisted I was not being kicked out of the room, I was merely “choosing” to leave!</p>
<p>My roommate’s BF came every other weekend which meant I had to vacate. Since she was a devout Catholic she said, “You can stay. We don’t DO anything!” but I wasn’t comfortable staying there with him there. I asked for a sleeping bag that first birthday Freshman year, and my mother said, “See how college broadens your horizons? I had no idea you’d ever be interested in camping!!”. By sophomore year I’d had enough and told Mom what was going on. She was ripped:" I’m paying full freight room and board for you to be sleeping on someone’s FLOOR??" oh well…</p>
<p>
This is really the problem. </p>
<p>After reading all the posts, I would say that boysx3 has the best idea for those bold enough to carry it out. But the ineffective RA posts kind of bother me. Isn’t handling these issues what they get free room & board for? Maybe instead of going to a friends room or pretending to be asleep, the kids should go to the RA’s room and ask to stay there. Go there each and every time it happens, and then maybe the RA will be more motivated to come up with a solution.</p>
<p>
Those posts bother me, too. Are RAs really so ineffective at some colleges? I do know one mom whose dd was an RA at a western university. There seemed to be a lot more emphasis on decorating walls and baking goodies than what I thought was appropriate.</p>
<p>My how the times have changed! </p>
<p>I went to an all-girl’s school, had a dorm ‘mother’, a regular curfew (10PM during the week and midnight on the weekends, as I recall). We were primed to shout “Man on the Floor!” at the top of the staircase when the BF came over! Community bathrooms, you understand! The intercom in our room let me know I had a ‘guest’. Met guests in the lobby and escorted him up stairs. Visitors were only allowed during the afternoon hours, if my somewhat fuzzy memory still works! I never remember boys in my room at night…</p>
<p>Had a pay phone on each floor and lined up to make the weekly call home every Sunday afternoon!</p>
<p>Lest you think I’m ready for the rocking chair…this was class of 1978! Not really the dark ages! Like I said times have certainly changed!</p>
<p>Beil,</p>
<p>I had forgotten many of the restrictions you outlined. I had the same, with the exception of no dorm mother, at Virginia Tech, class of 1984. So, believe me, it didn’t take an all-girls’ school, or even a terribly conservative one, back in our day. I was not shocked, but certainly surprised when I saw that GrizzKid’s dorm had ‘standard’ 24-hour visitation. I had never heard of such! </p>
<p>I’ll bring my rocking chair and join you. :)</p>
<p>From JHS:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Aren’t you the one who just said that a woman who said none of her sorority sisters had one night stands way back when had selective memory? </p>
<p>I assure you that you knew women who had this problem. They just didn’t TELL you that Jim had gotten it on with the roommie last night–in part because they usually feigned sleep. What college female of that era would admit to a guy that she woke up and heard sounds from the next bed and did NOT leave the room?</p>
<p>blankmind,
I like your idea too. I wish I had thought of it back then!</p>
<p>When my friends and I pulled that stunt on my roomie, I had just had it! Not just with being dispossessed of my room so often, but also with my roomie’s supercilious attitude…sometimes you just have to fight fire with fire.</p>
<p>Fair point, jonri. In college, though, I tended to know women in bunches, so it would be pretty rare for me to know a woman and not know her roommates. And everybody pretty much knew everybody else’s business – certainly who was sleeping with whom on a regular basis, and where, unless they went to a lot of trouble to hide things (which would NOT have included performing with a roommate present).</p>
<p>Also, thinking about it – my college didn’t have any one-room doubles. The most common configurations were three-room quads (two bedrooms and a common room), two-room doubles, and singles. People shared bedrooms in the quads, but there was usually a couch in the common room that would be sleepable in a pinch, and there were also satellite libraries in the dorms that were open all night and had comfy couches. So it wasn’t all that hard to find someplace else to sleep if your bedroom was going to be in use. Net, probably something like 3/4ths of the students living in the dorms had their own bedrooms, so for most couples there was a place to go that didn’t pose this problem. And the people for whom it came up most often – freshmen – were not, really, as promiscuous as their reputation.</p>
<p>Ok, I’ll pipe up. I was an RA in the dark ages. Not only had to pay for room and board (rendering my net pay a staggering $150 a quarter in 1982 dollars), but I had to share a 10x12 cement block cubicle with a roommate.</p>
<p>Training was one night a week focused on respecting individuals’ choices and not being judgmental. Suicide? Depression? Tutoring? Date rape? Pregnancy? STDs? Never mentioned. I was on a 24-hour visitation floor, which was defined as “boys can’t bring a teddy bear or toothbrush.” </p>
<p>Heck, I was the <em>RA</em> and a drunk roommate brought home a guy in the week hours before one of my finals! I had to tell her the next day what she had done because she had no recollection. Also had a chat about whether we should arrange for “private time” for each of us so she could have visitors. (It is hard being a RA’s roommate.) Once had a parent call the dorm head to complain that the D’s roommate was bringing her BF over on weekends when the roomie was gone. I was there every weekend – never saw the BF. </p>
<p>Being an RA was a tough job – lots of perceived responsibility, no authority. Turnover was incredibly high. Eventually the school revamped the position, got the RAs some REAL training, paid a decent wage and gave them private rooms. Every school has a different vision of the role an RA plays, and I think to say that the RA has more of an integral role than in the past. I can say that in the two years I was an RA on a freshman floor, I never heard from parents about roomie issues, grades, drinking/mental health concerns, etc. We were just not in the loop. I had an open door policy and folks felt comfortable talking to me, and I made a point of informing myself about various issues, but at the end of the day, short of an immediate suicide threat, my hands were fairly well tied.</p>
<p>I don’t remember much of this going on when I was in college, but I went to school back in the '70s and was in an all-female dorm that didn’t have 24 hour visitation. Sure, illicit overnights happened occasionally, but the roommate usually had enough notice to find someplace else to go. Bottom line, having sex in your room with the roommate present seems to me plain and simple selfish lack of consideration for a roommate. It’s just a theory, but I think some of this may come about because fewer kids share a room these days. Most families I know now are smaller than the families I knew growing up, and most people I know now have more bedrooms than did the people I knew growing up. At home, I shared a bedroom with 2 sisters, and my college roommate shared one with her sister, so we both had a lot of experience with sharing space and we did it with ease. None of my Ds has ever shared a bedroom, and their rooms are larger than most college dorm rooms. They’ll be in for a rude awakening when they head off to the dorms, and I hope they won’t be inconsiderate and selfish enough to either have sex in front of a roommate or toss a roommate out in order to have sex. Yuck to both.</p>
<p>“We had our beds bunked. I had the bottom bed. When her boyfriend’s boxers accidentally fell on my pillow next to my head, I said, “Okay, that’s it, guys,” grabbed my backpack and toiletries, and started spending most of my nights at my now-husband’s apartment”</p>
<p>The ultimate “last straw”: second-hand skidmarks on your pillow.</p>