I agree. All application candidate discussions between parent and student should be conducted before any applications are submitted.
1 Like
The word âentitledâ rubs me the wrong way in college admissions. I donât really think that hard work and achievement entitles my children to anything beyond (hopefully) their satisfaction in knowing that they tried their best and the acquisition of the knowledge and skills that came with their studying.
But part of my dislike of the word in college admissions stems from my dislike of the word in general. I donât think that my kids are entitled to anything really beyond a roof over their heads, clothing, nutrition, physical safety, security, and my unconditional love. Most other things are the cherries on the top of their pretty wonderful childhood sundaes.
That said, I personally value education, and Iâm committed to help pay for their colleges. I also hope to avoid burdening them with caring for me when I am no longer able to work (and that means making sure that I have enough saved that I wonât have to lean on them financially as I age) --this point is important because it impacts how much I can contribute to their college tuitions.
All of that said, I actually agree with the idea that my kids are free to choose to apply to any college that they wish however financially or academically stupid I think that application choice may be. If they can afford the application fees or get a fee waiver, honestly, what do I care? Come May 1, my kids wonât magically be able to get blood out of a stone, and if I canât afford it, they canât go. As long as they go into the admissions process understanding the maximum dollar that I can afford and that Iâll be unable to help beyond that ceiling, they can apply to wherever they wish. It just seems heartbreaking to me if it is clear from the onset that they wonât be able to attend. As for a school that I dislike for non-financial reasons (academic fit, location, campus culture), I hope that they would listen to my advice, but I am hard pressed to imagine a circumstances in which Iâd completely refuse to allow them to apply. I think the most that Iâd do in those circumstances is refuse to help with the application fee. But if they applied, and received a full ride, I donât think that Iâd say they couldnât go. I dunno. I guess weâll see. D24 has a âfull rideâ to a school that I donât really think is the best choice. Hereâs hoping that April brings some other choices.
5 Likes
Completely agree that there is a TON of merit in the conversation.
Lots of different situations out there and couldnât agree more that transparency on family financial expectations starts very early on. Affordability is critical. Beyond that itâs our responsibilities as parents to help the kid understand the concept of value - even if you can afford it does it mean you should buy it?
Thatâs what makes this scenario easy. Thereâs almost no way Georgetown provides $100âs of thousands of dollars more value than Tulane.
2 Likes
Another point:
If OPâs child got such a huge scholarship from Tulane, it likely comes with a special program, meaning a small cohort of peers that will be showered with opportunities (v.GâTown where theyâll have to compete against hundreds even to get into clubs of interest.)
8 Likes
Some would argue that if you can afford the cost then relative âvalueâ doesnât come into it. So itâs only the loans that make this choice âeasyâ.
After all, going to Berkeley or UCLA instate will also save a full pay CA family nearly $200K compared to Georgetown. But plenty of wealthy people decide to spend the extra money when they have this choice.
2 Likes
Bourbon Street?
2 Likes
Go to Tulane.
4 Likes
IMO value always comes into it. Value is a spectrum that is going to be partially determined by your wealth. A wealthy person determines there is value in that $200K Porsche even though the $30K Honda does effectively the same thing.
1 Like
It is situations like this that makes me opposed to most student loan forgiveness programs.
6 Likes
Every family will have a different calculus when it comes to budget, value and limits (in terms of type of school). The important thing isnât what those are - it is communicating them to your children up front so that everyone is working off the same page. My husband and I didnât place any restrictions on S24 in terms of cost or type of school (or location) and we talked about that before he put his list together. If we had a specific budget or there were schools we wouldnât pay full price for (we are full pay) then we would talked about that up front too.
5 Likes
The student loan forgiveness program was for $10,000 of federal loans, not $160,000 private loans. There is no forgiveness of private loans.
16 Likes
Yeah, we have been talking with our S24 for years about college costs and financing. Our deal was if he did his best in school he could choose his college without regard to cost, which of course is definitely NOT a deal every family could or should offer, but it made sense for us. He is also aware this is coming out of a 529 which he could use for postgraduate instead, and again that is not something every family would be in a position to say. But my point is just we had this conversation way in advance so there were no surprises for anyone.
3 Likes
I agree. As parents it is up to us to be direct about what we will and wonât pay for and what we can or canât afford. That helps avoid potential disappointment.
3 Likes
This is what we decided too. But we also knew our kidâs temperament, so knew he was value-conscious and wouldnât be devastated at having to turn down an expensive school. He did get into his reach school, which he took as a confidence booster, and then turned them down without problem.
4 Likes
There were activists demanding that all student loans be forgiven. Others had the figure at $50,000 in forgiveness.
The failed proposal for $10,000/$20,000 in forgiveness was a reasonable amount in my opinion.
You donât have to worry about that, this couldnât be covered by a student loan forgiveness because it wouldnât be a federal student loan, itâd either be a private co-signed loan or a parent loan, which canât be covered by a federal loan forgiveness program.
Btw most loan forgiveness programs kick in after 10 years when students have paid back what they borrowed and are starting to pay back accumulated interests meaning if you pay back your federal loans the subsidized and unsubsidized costs are erased. It also applies to people who went to graduate school for service professions such as teaching or social work. I think nursing qualifies too. The average amount remains around 10k and under.
4 Likes
I was waiting for someone to mention this. I think there is value in knowing you worked hard and couldâve gone somewhere but chose not to. Iâve known a lot of people who couldâve gone to such and such school, but chose not to for different reasons. Even myself.
1 Like
I think it just depends on the kid/person (as fiftyfifty1 saidâŠthey knew their kidâs temperament). Iâve known a number of students who harbored resentment toward their parents for âmakingâ the student take the affordable choice (or closer to home choice, whatever the reason), and some of those resentments havenât resolved.
Iâve also known some students to be grateful that their parents wouldnât take out/cosign for more loans than the fed direct student loans, although at the time the kid didnât understand that.
6 Likes
Our oldest decided to not apply to her reach school we knew was unaffordable because she knew she would be heartbroken to get a âyesâ and know she wouldnât be able to say âyesâ in return.
At the time, she wasnât grateful for us putting the financial guardrails around these decisions. At all.
As she prepares to graduate this year, she is incredibly grateful to be graduating debt free, with money in her savings account, and retirement savings as well. She now understand how much more flexibility she has starting off than many of her friends who took out undergrad loans in addition to the loans parents took out - loans the students agreed to assume in the future.
6 Likes
Very mature on her part - and that differs from what @Mwfan1921 just wrote about families where maybe the kid didnât have that maturity.
Or the frank discussion that was needed up front didnât happen.