<p>My D, who is a senior at our local U ,applied recently to Teach For America and was rejected on the first round. I feel a little like the parent of a high schooler who got turned down by their #1 college. I want to be supportive for my D and tell her that there are many other options and yet I feel anger toward the program for rejecting someone whom I know to be a highly qualified and suitable candidate.
As an adult , its easy to reflect back on all the rejections or disappointments that life has had in store and say that these ended up being turning points or the beginnings of new paths. But somehow, I still have this resentment toward the program for not seeing my daughter’s true character.
I guess then, my question is how do I support my D in the best way?</p>
<p>I would be careful not to voice your resentment to your daughter. When I have had similar situations, truthfully, often my kids handled it better than I did. Sometimes the reasons for rejections like this may be more random than you think. That was certainly my experience going through the college application process…there was always someone else who seemed less qualified who was accepted when my kid was rejected.<br>
I know it is easier said than done but in this case I would just listen when she wants to talk about it and not say too much about your own anger.</p>
<p>I remember enough of ths to be dangerous, but NPR featured Teach for
America last spring, and I was astounded at the number of applicants. </p>
<p>Disappointing as rejection is, at least one option for next year is no longer available, and she would have had to whittle her options anyway. Being in the college setting, she was probably fully aware of how competitive the program is.</p>
<p>As a parent, I hope I would let my child know that I was disappointed for her/him, then focus on the alternate options.</p>
<p>I understand. My older son thought he had his future plans all set as a senior. He planned to do an internship in Japan in the summer and do the fifth year engineering program at his college after that. He was rejected for both programs. He went on to apply to several “teach in Japan” programs, including the well-known JET program. Rejected by all of them. After a very depressing several months at home, he received an email from a company in Japan he had emailed (at the suggestion of a professor) several months before, offering him a summer position, to be followed by a permanent position if all worked out. He is now over there and just loves his job. It is much better suited to him than teaching English would have been, and he realizes now that engineering is not what he wants to do with his life.</p>
<p>I, too, felt so bad for him, with all those rejections. But it DID turn out best in the end. </p>
<p>My suggestions for support: be sympathetic if she needs someone to listen. There is nothing wrong with a parent saying,“You would have been great for the job, and they are the ones missing out by not hiring you.” Then, as others said, help her search out alternatives (if she wants help), or just encourage her and help provide that perspective that she may not have at her age. I shared with my son the disappointment I felt when I was rejected by both the grad schools to which I had applied. And yet, in the long run, I found work and a family that have made me very happy, quite likely more so than I would have been had my original plan worked out. It seemed to help my son to know that I had also faced rejection, but made it through OK.</p>
<p>I wonder what your D’s career plans are and what/where she was hoping to teach in TFA? As well, besides the sheer number of applicants, does your D have some idea of why she was rejected? It could be any number of factors, which might not have to do with your D’s qualifications (just as college admissions are about more than qualifications). If TFA was looking to send teachers to remote areas, but your D expressed reservations, for instance, that might be a reason for turning her down.</p>
<p>If she plans on teaching, she may wish to enroll in a MEd program which would require her to gain practical experience but under the supervision of the classroom teacher. Besides giving her the paper credentials, this would enable her to deal with students with a safety net, so to speak, whereas she would not have that with TFA. My S had several student teachers who were pursuing a MEd and doing their practicum in his classes. For half the year, they followed the classroom teacher (who happened to have a Ed.D) and for the second half, they took charge of the class, under the guidance of the teacher. They had undergraduate degrees from Georgetown and Princeton and were wonderful: totally committed, dynamic, imaginative. </p>
<p>Earlier, S had a teacher who came straight from MIT. She had a great grasp of science, as one can imagine, but she did not know how to run a class. She was incredibly conscientious and never seemed to leave the building until past 6pm, but she was overwhelmed and quit teaching after two years. I think that a slower transition into teaching might have made a lot of difference.
Perhaps this rejection is an oportunity for your D to analyze her strengths and weaknesses, her short-term and long-term career plans in terms of what she wants to do and where she wants to be. You can support her by being a sympathetic sounding board and perhaps posing a question or two of your own.</p>
<p>I think it’s normal to feel resentment and rather than deny or ignore it, you might consider handling it in a different way. </p>
<p>I’m an attorney who used to litigate cases quite a bit. By definition, you win or lose in the courtroom and it is very disappointing - for the client, of course, but also for the lawyer. A wise judge realized this and announced his 3-day-rule. In cases in his court, you were allowed to be mad, sad, or resentful for 3 days because of any decision or ruling. After that, you had to forget it and move on. Of course, you couldn’t act on your anger in any specific way but you could grouse to your colleagues, seek one-sided sympathy from your family, and even whine to the judge for 3 days. After that, you had to handle your disappointment in a business-like way such as by appealing the judge’s ruling or learning to live with it.</p>
<p>I think the 3 day rule applies to “real life”, too.</p>
<p>“ want to be supportive for my D and tell her that there are many other options and yet I feel anger toward the program for rejecting someone whom I know to be a highly qualified and suitable candidate.”</p>
<p>The outcome is of much less importance than the intention. As the parent of a daughter, I would be incredibly proud she even applied to help the less fortunate, as I’m sure you are.;)</p>
<p>I like that 3-day rule!!!</p>
<p>Another way to approach this is to think - well, nothing is now closed out to me at my age. And losing is harder than winning. So, I lost, well, probably I learned more than had I won.</p>
<p>I can understand your disappointment (I tend to feel just as bad or worse than my kids!). I’m not trying to minimize the disappointment, but sometimes the “loss” of a goal opens the way for something else just as wonderful or better. The something else would not have happened if the original goal was realized.</p>
<p>I would be proud, too, of a S or D who took this type of initiative. I wish her all the best in the coming year!</p>
<p>I don’t think that most people can just move on immediately from a disappointment. I’d acknowledge that first. It doesn’t have to be negative about the TFA program, just a simple, “I think it stinks!”</p>
<p>Then, after that’s had a chance to sink in, you can be more positive. You could point out that of the 500 opportunities available to her at this point in her life, at least she’s eliminated one. Now she can focus on the remaining 499 options, or something like that.</p>
<p>It is very unlikely that every single job application someone ever writes in their life is going to lead to an offer of a job. In fact I’d say it’s more than likely that for every new job you get, 20 other applications or more will have been rejected. That’s life. However perfect a parent thinks their child to be, the child is not going to have a 100% success rate with job applications. It is not a personal attack on you and your child, nor is it a crisis.</p>
<p>Thanks for your suggestions. Time does heal most things. She had so convinced herself that she would be accepted that the blow was that much harder, so now she’s revamping and contemplating other ideas. Its ironic that she can stay here and go through our Alternative Certification Program and be teaching side by side with the many TFA teachers who are in our school district- about 50 this year. She thought that with her experience of going through the public school system here, she would be seen as more prepared to teach kids from an area like this than the average college student might be.</p>
<p>There you go. Good attitude and best wishes.</p>