I would love to hear from other parents of twins about how it impacted the college process.
I have twins who are very close, but very different. They like the idea of staying together but also want different things. Not surprisingly this is making things complicated!
I had two graduating the same year (not twins) and they couldn’t have been more different, with one being all math and science (she’s an engineer) and the other being all arts and humanities (she now has a masters in history, but still can’t add and subtract). They are very close NOW, but at the time did not want to go to the same college.
One (D2) was a recruited athlete and what was funny was that the schools recruiting her (many LACs) were really more appropriate for her sister (D1). Both wanted smaller school, but that didn’t work either! The engineer (D2) picked a tech school, about 4000 on campus but larger number of students because of some doing co-ops or at remote campuses, and the other a flagship, although a small one (Wyoming). Both were good choices for that child but wouldn’t have been for the other. The tech school was all STEM, and has very few choices (and no majors) in the social sciences, fine arts, and obviously required math! Wyoming does have a good engineering program, but didn’t have a varsity team in D2’s sport.
Another parent on here also has two heading to schools at the same time and is looking at finding schools close to each other but maybe not at the same school. Another option is schools in a consortium like Amherst/UMass/Smith/Mt Holyoke where they’d be very close but each able to pick the school with the best program for that child. They could also pick a larger school that has something for each of them. Some of the flagships aren’t that big but still offer D1 sports, music programs, strong STEM, etc. If they decide they don’t want to spend all their time together, it’s easy to go their own ways too.
One of mine (boys fraternal) went to the local large public university, in part because several friends were and girlfriend one year younger was still in hs. The other went to a mid sized private 700 miles away. Scholarships/financial aid made the costs similar as local lived on campus/off campus apartments. Both were excellent students and both majored in a science. They shared a room from womb to age 16 and were in many of the same classes after grouping by ability began around 5th grade, they did some same extracurriculars and had overlapping friend groups. They were ok with being away from each other for college. Neither was too happy being a twin, especially when called by the other’s name despite not looking much alike or being treated like they were one unit. My one piece of advice would be if they are both going to finish in 4 years check to make sure graduations aren’t usually the same weekend. Luckily mine were two weeks apart. Good luck with the process!
Identical twins but never dressed alike and always tried our best to treat as individuals. Still they always felt compared and that created competition that was sometimes unhealthy and difficult to navigate. They hated being”the twins” or having their names mixed up or even in some instances mixed up test scores or assignments. They adore each other but recognized they needed time apart to be viewed as an individual and figure out their own path without those comparisons or using their twin as a social crutch . Both at very different colleges and not the easiest of adjustments but they have grown enormously and are closer than ever. The choice was always theirs. We also have friends whose twins have stayed together through college and have had fabulous experiences. Majors often contribute to the choice especially engineering.
My identical girls were set on separate college experiences. One had gone on Rotary Youth Exchange in HS and they were used to being apart due to their very different junior years of HS. The one at home learned to be more assertive with her sister gone that year and resented her return and sharing friends again. Separate colleges were mostly her desire. My girls always were and remain very close, but they needed to stretch in different directions at that point. They were both interested in LAC, and that is what they attended, one in Washington State and one in the Midwest, where they grew up. Both had good and very different experiences, and enjoyed visiting each other’s schools. In their adult life they live about 4 hours apart, wish they lived closer, talk daily, and spend a good deal of time together. Both of their spouses deserve awards for tolerance of twin needs and bond.
Thank you all! This is super helpful. Did any of you deal with a situation where one twin got into a school the other one really wanted?
My kids didn’t apply to the same schools so didn’t deal with rejection like that. Mine weren’t academically the same, and D2 had a recruiting advantage, but when looking at the schools, D1 would have liked some of the schools D2 was being recruited for (so D1 went along for the visit).
My kids were pretty realistic about where they could go and where we could afford. Both found a school they really liked and that was it. If D2 had decided to go to Smith, for example, D1 would have accepted that she couldn’t have gotten in even though she was impressed on the tour and would have really done well there. It would have been a good school for D1 but a terrible school for D2; it was just unfortunate that Smith couldn’t see that and wanted the wrong sister!
My triplets attended a college fair recently, and an admissions representative recommended that if they apply to the same school(s), that all three apply in the same admissions round (ED, EA, or RD).
That seems like problematic advice. EA/RD seems fine, but if they applied today, asking one twin to give up the advantage of ED to match his brother seems unreasonable.
Do your triplets want to stay together?
I have less confidence in my T1’s ability to handle this with grace.
We have a similar dynamic with T2 likely having better odds at the schools that would be a good fit for T1.
My twins had some overlap in schools. One ED’d and got in, the other rode it out w RD because the school she wanted did not have ED (of course it does now). The ED school did accept my other daughter in RD but she did not choose it. The ED kid loves her school but wondered how she would have fared in RD. The RD kid wondered if she should have ED’d and gotten in a higher choice. The grass always looks greener… Good Luck!