UC Essay help

<p>Hi, I am a Mexican and I have been here in the US for 4 years...so dont laugh at my essay...I need help, this is for some UC's. I need to add a couple of words...so feel free to correct it (just put parentheses in what you corrected please) </p>

<p>Topic: Is there anything you would like us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in this application?</p>

<p>At some point or another in my life, I have been exposed to challenges that I have had to overcome. One of the main challenges that I have had was to learn English in four years in order to attend a good college.
When I immigrated from Mexico, I was challenged to learn everything that I could in order to advance academically. I appreciated anything that was given, and made the most of everything that was taught to me, especially in my English class.
Since I couldn’t speak English fluently, it was hard for me to have friends, I was afraid of talking in English publicly since I thought people would make fun of me. For this reason, it was also a great challenge to get involved with the community as well as with the school. As that language barrier started to diminish, I was able to become more involved in groups, organizations and sports.
After a couple of months, this embarrassment started to disappear and I started to talk more in English and improving my skills.
After getting used to the new language, I thought about taking hard and challenging courses, so that I could expand my knowledge. I started the GATE program, because of my need to improve my English skills. Even though I didn’t get the highest possible grade for GATE English, I improved my English skills dramatically and learned a lot of vocabulary.
Since I come from Mexican descendant my parents lacked the knowledge in English therefore they couldn’t help me with my school work or any question that I had. I had to stay after school to get some help from the teachers or any type of tutoring available.<br>
After having GATE for a year, I decided to give a new step into my education and when I saw the possibility to take AP classes as a junior, I was interested in the idea and started to take three courses, obtaining a passing score for all three of the AP classes taken. Struggling with my English skills, in order to understand harder courses such as the rigorous AP courses, I had to study and get tutoring during the time that I could. I asked other students and teachers for advice, help and suggestions.
As a senior, I encountered a new challenge that I had to go through in order to keep advancing academically. I started to think about the idea of taking two AP classes that were not in my school’s curriculum, due to my interest in math and physics. I decided to take AP Physics C and AP Calculus BC. To do this, I had to talk to my counselor and principal, ask them if they could open both of the classes that my school didn’t offer. I had to go and talk to them again, however, since my school’s staff thought that I wasn’t making a good choice and they were scared of changing the curriculum by adding two courses just for one student.
As a result of my actions, I am currently self-studying two of the high school’s most challenging courses, and trying to be successful by learning the material or both AP classes while keeping my other courses as well.
Having faced so many challenges and overcoming all of them without giving up I am certain that I would try anything I can in order to maintain the image the UC system has as a competitive, high ranked organization. </p>

<p>(578/600 words)
Need about 25 words..doesnt matter really...</p>

<p>is it too long for someone to read?? LOL</p>

<p>it's alright. it's not particularly imaginative. you could make it better with an anecdote perhaps?</p>

<p>Yeah...thanks for the advice....I think I would do that...where do you think it should be better, in the beginning perhaps??</p>

<p>Your English is great, congratulations. But this essay is too dry and wordy. You must have more interesting things to write about than deciding what courses to take! Admissions officers are eager to read real stories about real people's lives. Your transcript will speak for itself. You should speak for YOU. Good luck!</p>

<p>You've picked the right theme: language difficulty. The essay was okay and smooth, but a bit boring. Crack more jokes, add more anecdotes, write your thoughts, etc. Don't be scared to be lively! Btw, I had this impression that your last three paragraphs are only there because you need more words. Is it true? The last three paragraphs suddenly talk about your non-English subjects... Can you just focus on your English alone? Good luck!</p>

<p>Thanks...I had lots of difficulty in learning the language. So thanks for the remark. I guess I will write more about myself and delete those 3 last paragraphs (this will make space for the anecdote). Thanks for those who read it.
Any other comment?? It would be grately apprechiated.</p>