UC Essay - Show Don't Tell?

<p>In the essay prompt below I'm asked to tell about a quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution
or experience important to me. I came up with an essay about an event that combined all of these
elements and I feel like it's told in a reasonably engaging way. But reviewing it I don't specifically say
"This made me proud because (yada yada)" nor "And thus you can see my (adjective) nature in spades."
Adding these types of sentences would seem to add triteness to a decent essay - the thing you're
always encouraged to avoid. But on the other hand I don't want to fall afoul of the rules of the
application process. You should be able to see the type of person I am, the qualities and an
accomplishment in the telling of the story as-is. Thank you for any insight.</p>

<p>Essay prompt:</p>

<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution
or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or
accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person
you are?</p>

<p>Wow… You’ve got the right idea. You are absolutely correct in saying that sentences like “This made me proud because…” would cheapen the essay. I have always taught that an intelligent college application essay writer treats the reader with respect, allowing the reader to discover the qualities you are trying to get across. That is the basis of “showing, not telling.” Obviously, you are answering the prompt; you don’t need to repeat it in the essay. I can guarantee you that over 90% (maybe higher) are going to answer in a straightforward way: “_____ is the quality of which I am most proud.” The reader will be bored before the essay even begins. Make yours stand out.</p>

<p>@digmedia Thank you!</p>