hello everyone i was just wondering what some of you thought of my uc essay for the third one (open ended) thanks so much!Here it is:
Although my mother is alive, I lost her many years ago to mental illness. My Dad separated from her not long after I was born and the divorce became final when I was two. In the intense custody battle that followed, my mom manipulated me as a sacrificial pawn. She convinced herself that my father was abusive; and encouraged me to act out against him in protest. I bought into her version of reality to earn her love. I was confused and troubled by the thought that I could not love both my mom and dad.
It was hinted to me that my mom suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder; seized by curiosity, my first instinct was to educate myself. Soon I was researching the unfamiliar term online. There I found, for and by myself, the explanation of what disturbed her. After this discovery I spent time alone mucking about in my mind, sitting quietly, mulling things over, simply contemplating. In my mind, I faced the reality of my mothers behavior, leaving behind excuses and fantasy. I want to face a situation head on, even if it is painful.<br>
When confronted with a difficult reality, I want to be able to understand a situation accurately without misconceptions or distortion, the truth is important even if it hurts. I questioned my dad about the mother I no longer saw, asking him when he knew that something was amiss with her. I asked about her parenting when I was too little to remember. I wondered what effect her warped way of loving me would have; whether I was a damaged good. I speculated about my future and whether or not I could overcome the challenges of my firmly misguided formative early childhood; if I could ever show love in a normal fashion.
When I began to recognize that other people valued me and I also valued them I was able to feel love outside of my mothers words. I became aware of and proud of the spontaneity my mom had given me through our sudden picnics at the beach and the interest in current events and the inquisitive nature she passed down from her journalistic tendencies. I also saw the elements that were wonderful and the parts that scared me, I learned no one is all good or all bad and that there is a silver lining in even the worst situations.<br>
In taking a clear introspective look at my memories, I found that nothing could be taken simply at face value. By evaluating the situation realistically I learned how to look objectively at deeply personal things. Since I tried to see the most personal elements of my life as they really are I have found that even a painful reality is favorable to living under false precepts, watching dancing shadows on the wall.<br>
The amount of reflection required to traverse these emotional challenges has taught me to navigate my own head. I also think back to the manipulation and am thankful for the critical eye and independent nature I developed. My mother has taught me about myself and others, although not in the conventional way. The lessons are painful but they are mine. The memories, the tears, the learning, are all mine: they are things no one can take away, manipulate or undo.
is this a loaded/bad topic, is the way i handle it ok?
btw this is for the UCs (i know its late lol) but i would still appreciate any feedback for other college essays
thanks again