<p>prompt 1, Describe the world you come from, and how it relates to your goals and who you are</p>
<p>Essay: At this point Gino, all I can say is that I wish the best for u in every aspect in ur life.
This was the final text my Dad sent me after a three year emotional roller coaster that dragged my family through distrust, disappointment, and divorce. Ever since we moved back to Lancaster in 9th grade, we have spiraled into a complete mess, which left my mom, brother and I dependent on a father who visited us on the weekends. I felt like I was in a tug of war between two families: my fake family that gathered on the weekends, full of unity, yet never good enough for my dad’s criticism, and my real family that I realized was much more supportive and personal to me. In order to escape this duality, I had no choice but to invest in advancing my education throughout high school, striving to earn the best grades that I could, yet I would routinely lose motivation after relying too heavily on the approval of my family to commend my achievements. After finally figuring out that no matter how much I tried, I would never deeply impress my dad through academics alone, I decided to limit how much I used my parent’s approval as a benchmark for academic success, given that we had money issues since the move, on top of the emotional toll taken by being physically split up as a family, having a high GPA wasn’t such a big deal to them.
Realizing this at the beginning of high school, I wanted to separate as much as I could mentally from my father. Remembering his cynical views toward environmentalism, I became absorbed in studying the potential of future efficient technologies and early on, set to base my education around these concepts. I researched companies that placed their emphasis on green energy, especially Masdar corp. and made one of my goals to become an integral part in the development of sustainable urban planning in the future. I pushed myself to take extra courses in math and science in order to become well prepared for work in these fields. Advancements in daring engineering projects continue to fascinate me, however I was often labeled an idealist by my family, who didn’t share my enthusiasm for a prospective future in ecology on a larger scale. They maintained that it would be impossible for mankind to make lasting positive changes in society’s relation to the environment, and encouraged me to express my motives through religion and instead, learn a trade to support myself. I won’t take an easy way out like this, and I’m ready to face the challenges to not just better my life, but those around me.
I maintain the same conviction that if I want to succeed in replacing my father’s legacy of disappointment and lost potential, then I cannot let anything detract me from becoming the new standard for my family to look to, especially my younger brother. Together, we cannot afford to make the same mistakes that produced our situation, to never give up, and always strive to be better.</p>
<p>First, I’m so sorry about your family situation. Here are my thoughts:</p>
<p>Your strength came through toward the end of the essay. However, the anger and bitterness presented in the beginning/middle of your essay took away from the strength that eventually came through. It might not be so, but it came across for me you might have chosen your major to get back at your parents. I don’t believe admissions would look favorably at this. My suggestion is to rewrite your essay with a different tone - one full entirely of strength, courage, and hope.</p>
<p>Hope this helps. Best of luck! :)</p>
<p>Heres a revision: “At this point Gino, all I can say is that I wish the best for u in every aspect in ur life.”
This was the final text my Dad sent me after a three year emotional roller coaster that dragged my family through distrust, disappointment, and divorce, yet I see this as the beginning of a new start in my life. For too long felt like I was in a tug of war between two families: my fake family that gathered on the weekends, full of unity, yet never good enough for my dad’s criticism, and my real family without him, who I realized was much more supportive and personal to me. When he was with us, I could never deeply impress him through academics alone, so I decided to limit how much I used my parent’s approval as a benchmark for academic success, given that we constantly had money issues on top of the emotional toll taken by being physically split up as a family. Therefore, having a high GPA wasn’t such a big deal to him. Realizing this near the middle of high school, I wanted to avoid making the mistakes he made when he went AVHS. I needed to ensure that this time around, I couldn’t let myself fall victim to stress like he did, and continue to build my educational foundation to strengthen my chances to control my destiny.
Since ninth grade, I enjoyed studying environmentalism. I soon became absorbed in studying the potential of future efficient technologies and early on, set to base my education around these concepts. I researched companies that placed their emphasis on green energy, especially Masdar corp. and made one of my goals to become an integral part in the development of sustainable urban planning in the future. I pushed myself to take extra courses in math and science in order to become well prepared for work in these fields. Advancements in daring engineering projects continue to fascinate me, even though I’m often labeled an idealist by my family, who don’t share my enthusiasm for a prospective future in ecology on a larger scale. They’ve maintained that it would be impossible for mankind to make lasting positive changes in society’s relation to the environment, and encouraged me to express my motives through religion and instead, learn a trade to support myself. While that future did seem enticing and easier, I maintain the same conviction that if I want to succeed in replacing my father’s legacy of disappointment and lost potential, and to have my work become a lasting influence to not just myself, but others, then I cannot let anything detract me from becoming the new standard for my family to look to, especially my younger brother. Together, we cannot afford to make the same mistakes that produced our situation, to never give up, and always strive to be better. </p>
<p>I hope its a greater improvement.</p>
<p>“At this point Gino, all I can say is that I wish the best for u in every aspect in ur life.”</p>
<p>This was the final text my Dad sent me after a three year emotional roller coaster that dragged my family through distrust, disappointment, and divorce. Yet, I see this as the beginning of a new chapter in my life.
For long, I felt like I was in a tug of war between two families: my fake family that gathered on the weekends, full of unity, yet never good enough for my dad’s criticism, and my real family without him, who I realized was much more supportive and personal to me. When he was with us, I could never deeply impress him through academics alone, so I decided to limit how much I used my parents’ approval as a benchmark for academic success. Added to the emotional tolls life was beginning to take on me after being physically split up as a family, we constantly had money issues. Realizing that having a high GPA wasn’t ever a big deal to him, I wanted to avoid making the mistakes he made when he went AVHS. I needed to ensure that this time around, I couldn’t let myself fall victim to stress like he did, and continued to build my educational foundation to strengthen my chances to control my destiny.
In ninth grade, I started enjoying studying environmentalism. I became absorbed in studying the potential of future efficient technologies and wanted to base my education around these concepts. While researching companies that placed their emphasis on green energy, especially Masdar corp., I decided that I wanted to become an integral part in the development of sustainable urban planning in the future. I pushed myself to take extra courses in math and science in order to become well prepared for work in these fields. Advancements in daring engineering projects continue to fascinate me. Even though I’m often labeled an idealist by my family, who don’t share my enthusiasm for a prospective future in ecology on a larger scale, they’ve maintained that it would be impossible for mankind to make lasting positive changes in society’s relation to the environment. They’ve even encouraged me to express my motives through religion and instead, learn a trade to support myself.
While that future did seem enticing and easier, I maintained the same conviction that I had started off with. I want to succeed in replacing my father’s legacy of disappointment and lost potential, and have my work become a lasting influence to not just myself, but others. I cannot let anything detract me from becoming the new standard for my family to look to. My younger brother and I cannot afford to make the same mistakes that produced our situation. We cannot five up give up and always strive to be better.</p>
<p>**We cannot give up and always strive to be better.</p>