<p>Can i have some feedback on this essay? it would be much appreciated!! Its my very first draft so it probably has a lot of errors and needs to be revised a few times. My dad says i should not send this essay because i sound snobby and the uc’s would not want to admit me. Will you tell me if this is true? thanks so much!! </p>
<p>Growing up in Danville, California or the bubble has immersed me in a lifestyle that not many people can say they have experienced first-hand. Whether it be taking pictures with the girl whose prom dress cost more than my car or having dinner at a billionaires house my life has always been filled with unexpected privilege and opportunity. Pulling into the parking lot of my high school I see rows of BMWs, Mercedes, Range Rover Sports and even the occasional Porsche. My best friend pulls up next to me in her brand new 2012 Audi TTS armed with her Chanel sunglasses and Louis Vuitton messenger schoolbag. Of course her dad is worth an estimated 1.4 billion which makes it hard for me to see my Jansport backpack and 2001 Honda as being up to par.<br>
I remember in middle school, practically every girl in my grade had a juicy tracksuit. I begged my mom for one the next time we went to Norstrom and she briefly considered it until she saw the $140.00 price tag that went along with the cheap looking velour tracksuit. She told me that I could buy the exact same tracksuit at Old Navy for $40.
Although my family lives in Danville they try to keep me grounded and my parents have always pushed me to work hard. They never handed me anything and my dad instilled the importance of hard work upon me. My father is a self-made man. He was born to parents who never wished to have a child and growing up he was forced to work so that he could pay for college. He worked hard in school always pushing to succeed so that he could make a better life for himself and his future family. My father used his savings and some money from my great grandmother to pay for his education at UC Santa Cruz.
Given that my father had to work for everything he eventually achieved, he wanted me to learn the value of hard work and show me, that if you never give up, anything is possible. My father gave me the life he always dreamed of having as a child but he also never handed me the toys, the clothes or the Mercedes that many other Danville kids had. He wanted me to learn the importance of hard work so that I would have the motivation and drive to be just as successful.
Danville can be seen as materialistic and close minded on the outside, the reality is that living here consists of so more than then the material things that success breeds. The people here exemplify generosity, hard work, motivation, and passion. Growing up here has made me want to possess these traits. I have seen first-hand the hard work and dedication it takes to achieve this lifestyle and as a result it has taught me to push myself academically and personally. More than anything Danville has taught me to appreciate my familys good fortune and to embrace the endless opportunity that comes with working hard.</p>