UC Prompt #1

<p>Please let me know what you guys think of my prompt. I’m not looking for compliments; I’m looking for improvements.</p>

<p>The prompt is “Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.”</p>

<p>Aspirations are shaped by values and those who surround us help shape our dreams and make them realities. The aspirations of legendary innovators such as Albert Einstein and Steve Jobs would never have existed had it not been for the factors that pushed them toward excellence; my dreams are no exception. What people want is determined by the unique world that each person experiences differently. My dreams have been shaped by the experiences in my world: my family.
A few years ago, my father became addicted to drugs and left my family. With him, he took everything in my mother’s name. I remember feeling like my world was caving in and I suspected that my mother was feeling the same way. To my surprise, she showed no signs of weakness. She would not let my father’s absence dictate her life. Because my mother grew up in a poor family and could not afford to attend college, she decided that it was her duty to single-handedly raise my brother and I and give us the opportunities that she never had. My mother’s triumphant attitude has inspired me to become the hardworking man I am today. Because of the values my mother has taught me and the sacrifices she has made to help me achieve greatness, it is my responsibility to take advantage of every opportunity and to do everything in my power to be the best person I can be. I owe it to her to work hard and I owe it to myself to avoid becoming a reflection of my father. My experiences have truly nurtured my sense of ambition which acts as the guiding light in my quest for success.
I’ve always had a passion for technology and the ideals I’ve developed have paved a path for what I want to do with my future. My love for technology has always been a part of who I am and up until recently, I never knew how I wanted to express my passion. I’ve always been fascinating with computer programming, so I decided to investigate my interest. I started with YouTube tutorials and websites like Codecademy. After realizing how much I loved what I was doing, I even signed up for AP Computer Science on Florida Virtual School. My exploration of the field led me to the conclusion that computer science is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I hope that I can use my college education to get me to a place in life where I can enjoy working hard while doing what I love. I also strive to become a better me with each challenge I face. In my efforts to use my education to change the world that I live in, I hope to change somebody else’s world; I know I can do it. My life ahead of me is like a block of granite. I’ve been given all the tools I need to shape it into whatever I desire.</p>

<p>@Gumbymom‌ @AchieveLife‌ Hey this is my UC Personal Statement #1. You don’t have to but if you could, please tell me what you think. It’d be greatly appreciated. Thanks!</p>

<p>@jlev96 I don’t know how these forums work but I think you should PM someone this essay lol especially with apps going on right now.</p>

<p>well firstly, you should probably take this down cause someone could easily steal it and use it as their own. as for the content, i thought it was a good story base, but there was so significant “fluff”. like rather than saying that your mom inspired you, show it with examples and maybe really show how your passion for comp sci came to be rather than just kinda saying it came to you; like show your love for tech with examples …ect however idk how your word limit is looking right now</p>

<p>good luck :)</p>

<p>I’m missing a clear connection between the world you come from and how that exactly sharped your passion for technology. If you can’t string these two concepts together in a more focused manner, you’re missing the point of the prompt.</p>