UChicago's Shady Dealer gets a jump on 2013-2014 essay questions

Colleges & Universities University of Chicago
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<p><em>Note</em> The Shady Dealer is an undergrad humor publication at UChicago. These are NOT the actual questions.</p>

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<p>UChicago College Admissions Releases Extended Essay Prompts for 2013-2014
by Robin Ye</p>

<p>2013-2014 Essay Questions:</p>

<p>ESSAY OPTION 1</p>

<p>There are many things people DGAF about. Write a passionate essay on something you don’t give a **** about.</p>

<p>Inspired by Ferris B. Angstein, BA’09, English and Philosophy</p>

<p>ESSAY OPTION 2</p>

<p>Carly Rae Jepsen once said, “Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad.” Reconcile this.</p>

<p>Inspired by Harry Tunglichin, admitted student, Class of 2017</p>

<p>ESSAY OPTION 3</p>

<p>“You are a smelly pirate hooker.” – Ron Burgundy, Anchorman</p>

<p>Hooker: hook·er /ˈho͝okər/</p>

<p>Noun</p>

<ol>
<li><p>A prostitute.</p></li>
<li><p>A one-masted sailboat of a kind used esp. in Ireland for fishing.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Let’s stick with this definition. Dirty hookers, High-class hookers, seafaring hookers, etc. — pick any hooker you have ever paid for, and tell us about the experience.</p>

<p>Inspired by Joe Lothan, admitted student, Class of 2015</p>

<p>ESSAY OPTION 4</p>

<p>Schrodinger’s cat was a thought experiment posed by physicist Erwin Schrödinger noting a potential paradox in early quantum mechanics, resulting in a paradoxical cat that could be both alive and dead at the same time. Tell us about a time when you killed an animal.</p>

<p>Inspired by Enrique Farmie, BS ’03, Physics</p>

<p>ESSAY OPTION 5</p>

<p>Other schools want you to write about who inspired you. Gandhi. Mandela. Obama. Jesus. We couldn’t care less. Who’s that ****er you swore you’d never be?</p>

<p>Inspired by Ked Thatt, admitted student Class of 2017</p>

<p>ESSAY OPTION 6</p>

<p>If you were fun, where would you go to die?</p>

<p>Anonymous submission from a UChicago student</p>

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<p>Oh, my god. This is…this is great. Whoever wrote this did the hooker version of the present prompt perfectly.</p>

<p>This is so UChicago–making fun of their own school’s fun essay questions.</p>

<p>I was, however, a little disappointed that these weren’t the actual questions as I’m looking to get a head start like every other junior out there on CC!</p>

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<p>Siggyfreud,</p>

<p>Sorry for the disappointment but I do agree with you that this is quintessential UChicago.</p>

<p>My personal fav is #4 (“Tell us about a time when you killed an animal.”)</p>

<p>Given its serious and oh so academic public face, it’s easy to forget that comedy thrives at UChicago. Indeed, improv comedy, which was “invented” at UChicago way back in 1955, serves as a fitting bookend to Enrique Farmie’s slightly less important and much less funny research at UChicago in 1942.</p>

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<p>Too bad so many people don’t understand the humor. After all, how many tongue-in-cheek UChicago phrases have the public interpreted literally?</p>

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<p>@ILoveUofC, don’t forget about Second City!!!</p>

<p>And also, which other university had a dude with one of those horse masks on their home page?</p>

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<p>This is beautiful. I can’t wait to apply this year! :D</p>