<p>Hi,</p>
<p>i was wondering if anyone would be so nice and read my letter of appeal and tells me what they think of it.</p>
<p>Ok so I’ll just put in my appeal here and if anyone could tell me waht they think of it I would be really thankfull. I had anotehr much longer version but I feel this one is not convincing enough. Also the parts in italics are the ones I am not sure about yet. Oh and I am going to put in parts of my portfolio which is on <a href=“Photo Storage”>Photo Storage; </p>
<p>I respectfully request that you reconsider me for admission and wanted to thank you for taking your time to reread my application.</p>
<p>I wanted to address further circumstances that I feel have not been sufficiently addressed in my application.
<i>When moving to the US in September 2004 was not sufficiently proficient to keep up with pace of AP coursework, consequently they did not appear on my transcript. Since German has been the language of instruction since Kinder garden I did not have enough word pool/vocabulary in the area of specific terminology in subjects like Math, Psychology, And English. However I want to remove any doubt in my ability to excel in fast paced and challenging environment like at UCLA. My English skills have quite improved and I scored a 112 out of 120 on the Toefl Ibt , I am used to a demanding course load since I had fourteen to fifteen classes in Germany, and most important I am motivated to succeed at UCLA.
Among other things I wanted to address my temporal family situation. My mother is a single mother who has the entire responsibility for my twin sister and me, since we have been born. My father has left our family since our birth and we have been in no contact ever since. For several years now I am trying to initiate contact after successfully locating him but have received no response. Additionally my mother is a licensed therapist in Germany but has to go to school again to fulfill the California standards.
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My choice for majoring in Anthropology stems from an always-existent curiosity for cultures. Since I have been young I traveled and moved a lot. Which has fostered my interest on how languages and cultures have evolved. Personally I believe it ahs given me the ability to create a place for myself, explore as a full participant, and to have first hand experiences which a textbook never could have given me. Another reason why I want to study Anthropology is that my family raised me in the Hindu and Jewish faith. In all my schools I took an for me optional Christian religion classes because it interested me. In 10th grade I decided to take Ethics instead of Religion because I felt that I wanted to explore another aspect of morals not based on religion but on personal beliefs. My choice to emphasize on Linguistics is very simple: I love languages. My mother-tongue if Farsi, and I additionally consider myself fluid in English and German. In school I had four years of Latin and two years of optional French. Currently I am trying to teach myself Italian with Pimseleur Audio CDs.
Coming from a home where various cultures constantly flow together in my every day life I feel weel suited for this major.
Another passion I have, which has surpassed many of my other desires is Art. I see art as another way to express myself in a creative non-analytical way. I can bring my imaginatio/vision to life. Connected to this I have found a company called Wire Cut which designs upon request and at the same time teaches the use of Computers (Windows& Macintosh).
If Ill be given the opportunity to attend UCLA I would join the UCLA Center for language, interaction, and culture. Some of the classes I would like to take would be Media Arts-Intro, Culture and Communication, Interactive Media Arts, and Introduction to Urban Speech Communities. Originally I planned moving to the US after I had finished my Abitur but after visiting my aunt in San Diego and visited some of the Universities around here, among them UCLA, my family has decided to move here after my sister and I had completed our secondary school level I Certificate in Germany. UCLA was and is my top choice school and I would be in your debt if you grant me the opportunity to join your diverse student body.</p>
<p>First off, I would have someone go over it with you as far as grammar and sentence structure. I think you should cut out some of the end, and focus on the “new and compelling information” which in your case is the fact that you were having trouble in the AP classes at first because of the language barrier. Don’t kiss up to them too much IMO. Take out the last sentence for sure. I would say to ONLY include the info not on your previous application. You don’t need to retell them about all your interests if they were previously on your application. I know for a fact they recieved a ton of appeals, so my guess is they go through them very fast and want to focus right in on the “new and compelling” info they asked for.</p>