<p>Isn’t overcoming hard-wiring what separates us from the animals?</p>
<p>Well that of course is what Rose Sayer would say. ;)</p>
<p>But hard wiring is also what kept us alive long enough to raise those kids till they could fend for themselves.</p>
<p>When your propagation hormones are strongest- say in your early 20’s, you haven’t necessarily figured out what * you want* let alone what kind of person you want to be in 20 years and it is an educated guess to pick someone who has the qualities that complement yours.
More often though I think- we might skew toward someone that is more like us than we realize, which can make for some big conflicts.
Rejecting them- may be difficult- because it could feel like rejecting yourself- </p>
<p>I agree that as we get older- we have learned a lot about letting go of what bugs us & the simple logistical things- like shared housing, someone to share meals with, can mean alot. If you aren’t interested in getting married again- it really doesn’t make a lot of sense to get divorced unless you are someone who needs clear boundaries for relationships ( but divorce still really doesn’t give you that)</p>
<p>I would find it sad and lonely to be in the situations described in the OP. To each their own, though. If a couple is truly happy that way, well, who am I to judge?</p>
<p>I was separated from my H for a yr & 1/2 when my kids were younger- it was brutal.
Try raising two kids " with special needs", when you are stressed and depressed without money or support.</p>
<p>It was beyond sad and lonely and I can only hope that one day their insurance is good enough to take care of the therapy they will need to heal their scarring.</p>
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<p>We’re not separated from the animals… we ARE animals.</p>
<p>I’ve known all sorts of different versions of this-- married couples who lived together and weren’t really married, and married couples who lived apart but wouldn’t divorce, even after a decade (or more) of separation. Personally, I would find it very difficult to live with a dh who wasn’t being my dh but I know better than to say “never.” I do think there’s always a risk that they find someone and that someone isn’t interested in being with someone who is legally married but I realize there are probably few people who feel that way. Still, I personally would not date a man who is still married.</p>
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<p>Main Entry: 1an·i·mal
Pronunciation: ˈa-nə-məl
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin, from animale, neuter of animalis animate, from anima soul — more at animate
Date: 14th century</p>
<p>2 a : one of the lower animals as distinguished from human beings</p>
<p>You are kidding right?
You are using a definition in a dictionary as evidence that we aren’t animals?</p>
<p>One of my law partners (who is approaching retirement age) was referring to a guy he knows who is 70 and still practicing law full time. He said, “He made the mistake of divorcing late in life. Why would anyone get a divorce at my age?” </p>
<p>The issue is financial - if one spouse has worked outside the home and the other has been at home for decades. The working spouse would have to continue to support the SAHS…forever? Even if not court-ordered, a compassionate spouse would not want the former SAHS to have to support herself on what she could make after being out of the workforce for decades. So rather than working hard as an old man, to buy two houses and support two separate lifestyles, many find it financially advantageous to stay married.</p>
<p>*He made the mistake of divorcing late in life. Why would anyone get a divorce at my age?" *</p>
<p>With the advent of the little blue pills- some may have a reason ;), but since sexually transmitted diseases are skyrocketing at that age bracket- maybe it is better to know where your partner has been!
[Sexually</a> Transmitted Diseases Sky Rocket for Viagra-Poppers](<a href=“http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20009707-10391704.html]Sexually”>http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20009707-10391704.html)</p>
<p>oh dear- how can we * not* be reminded that we * are* animals?</p>
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<p>if one spouse has worked outside the home and the other has been at home for decades. The working spouse would have to continue to support the SAHS…forever? Even if not court-ordered, a compassionate spouse would not want the former SAHS to have to support herself on what she could make after being out of the workforce for decades.</p>
<p>I know someone in this situation. The H sought the divorce and said that he knew that his SAHS would need strong financial support forever since she was in her 50s and had always been a homemaker (which is what HE wanted). However, as the divorce proceeded, and the numbers were in “black and white,” he realized that he really couldn’t afford to be so “generous” and still have the single lifestyle that was his goal (dating, fun, nice home, etc), so now he’s “pulling back” and offering very little support.</p>
<p>The truth is that few households (even the dual earners) earn enough to support two separate households without one spouse (often the woman) taking a terrible hit in standard of living.</p>