<p>Unfortunately I just found out that a good friend of mine just passed away in a car accident.</p>
<p>My friend is from here however a few years ago moved 1500 miles away. Unmarried, no kids. Has friends and family in both states.</p>
<p>Its obviously a very sad time and I’m very upset… But I must ask, What is the protocol for something like this? I’m guessing the family decides which state the services will be in? If the service is not here, where or how would someone send flowers? I don’t even what know what state to check the papers on for an obituary to obtain this information.</p>
<p>Sorry for all the questions. I just don’t want to miss anything.</p>
<p>That is a tough one. I’m sorry for your loss. If you can find out the name and location of the funeral home, they generally have websites these days where you can leave condolences and find out where to send flowers or charitable donations in the name of the deceased.</p>
<p>My first question is how did you find out about the death? Could you get the funeral information from that source? </p>
<p>My second suggestion is to do a google search in a day or so for your friend’s name followed by “obituary.” You may need to do some combination of First Name, MI, Last Name, nicknames, etc. It should turn up. Many funeral homes have websites now with obituaries that can be seen online. I can still find my nephew’s obituary that way.</p>
<p>If there are friends and family in both states, there may be memorials in both states.(more informal where the remains are not going to be interred)
Sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>Often funeral homes have websites that list the people being mourned there, have online guest books, and provide all information for sending flowers or attending the services. You can google person’s name and this will come up if there is a funeral home involved.</p>
<p>A mutual friend who found out from someone else let me know this morning. I tried googling the name to find info on the accident but it must be too new. I’ll try again in a day or two I guess.</p>
<p>Since you know of his surviving family members, would it be wrong to call on them, express condolence, than ask them when/if services are held? Or, if they know who you could contact to find out?
I can’t think starting with a phone call to express sorrow could be wrong…</p>
<p>I know of them but unfortunately I don’t have their number. I’ll reach out to the person who told me and see if anything else has been announced. </p>
<p>Thanks everyone. We were just chatting the other day about hanging out during the next trip back home. :(</p>
<p>It’s usually pretty easy to find someone’s phone number, if you know their last name and their state. Assuming it’s not unlisted, that is.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, a short but genuine letter of condolence is sometimes more appreciated than flowers. The letter will be read and reread through the years, while the flowers might get lost among all the others. Or, you could do both.</p>
<p>Very sorry for your loss. While any death is sad, it’s particularly difficult when a young person we are close to dies.</p>
<p>You can search on line for obituary information. It may take a bit of work but you can find what you need. The information often says where donations should be made.</p>
<p>I had the weird experience of receiving a phone call from an old neighbor while I was planning my dad’s funeral. He’d just come to town and called to see if my dad wanted to play golf. Oops. He was so upset, I thought I’d killed him with the news. But in the end he was glad he was there because he could come to the funeral.</p>
<p>There really isn’t “a” way to do this. You just do what you think is right.</p>
<p>When my mother died in Florida (she’d lived there for twelve years), we had a tiny gathering for her friends there; we had a more formal service three weeks later in Philadelphia, where she’d lived most of her adult life.</p>
<p>ANYONE CAN ORGANIZE A MEMORIAL SERVICE. There doesn’t have to be just one, either. Yes, there’s only one funeral (because it includes the body, by definition).</p>
<p>If you know any of the local relatives, ask them what’s being planned. If nothing is being planned locally, they might welcome your help to organize a brief and simple remembrance.</p>
<p>As part of my job, I have to look up obituary information for relatives of employees and clients at my job. I have found simply googling the word “obituary” followed by the name will usually do the trick. Sometimes you need to add the month and year, or the state, if it’s a common name. Either Legacy.com, a newspaper network, or at the very least the funeral home should have the obituary online, but you are right that it might take a day or two. </p>
<p>If it turns out the funeral isn’t near you, besides sending a condolence note there are usually online guest books associated with the obituary, which allow you to leave a message for the family (and for anyone else reading the obituary).</p>
<p>If you decide you want to send flowers, it’s not hard at all. As long as you have the funeral home information, flowers can be delivered there. I usually do a Google search for “Florist” and the name of the town where the funeral is being held. You can either go to the website of a florist you find in your search, or call them. They will usually show a variety of “sympathy” arrangements online that you can choose from.</p>
<p>Just adding to Lafalum’s post: a personal letter is highly valued. When my loved ones died, I posted in FL as well as PA, their home state. I also sent notes to their synagogues and major charitable organizations. I received lots of feedback, which helped deal with the losses.</p>
<p>My daughter recently lost a friend in a tragic accident. My D is a photographer and so was he. She had some really beautiful photos of her friend. When he died she made some prints of the best ones, framed them and sent them to his mom. The mom was so happy to have them.</p>
<p>As far as flowers go, if I want to send them out of my area, I call my favorite florist in my town and they take care of it in the area that I need. I think they have some insider information on the florists that provide the same quality and have a reciprocal arrangement with them. When I do this, I always hear how gorgeous the flowers are and have seen pictures of them.</p>
<p>fendergirl- as someone who has lost a son much too soon, send a note stating what the friend meant to you, memories of the deceased and /or what you will take away from knowing them. I can’t tell you how much this means. Much more than flowers. Really.</p>
<p>I got the information from my neighbor who apparently goes to church with the family. They are having two services… One in each state. Unfortunately the service is on a day that I will be out of town on a trip that’s been planned for two months.</p>
<p>I wrote a note and sent it to his brother who promised to share it with their parents. </p>
<p>If you can make a point to stop by when you’re next in the area where the family lives and inquire how they’re doing and share any happy memory you have of your deceased friend, I’m sure they’re REALLY appreciate it. They would like to know that their beloved one has not been forgotten. If you have any photos, they’d probably appreciate those as well.</p>