Unfriendly roommate = grounds for a swap / dismissal / change?

College Life
1

<p>So, my university has a [official] room swap system set up where you can register online and see if anyone else across campus also wants to change rooms.</p>

<p>My roommate lived with me for two days at the beginning of the school year before finding out that his best friend didn’t have a roommate, and went to go unofficially squat with him. I was really bummed out, as he seemed like a cool guy and we got along well, but of course I don’t blame him for wanting to room with his buddy. </p>

<p>So I spent all of Fall semester without a roomie; some would consider this great but I get lonely really easily and it was more of a bummer than anything else. I have a good group of friends I hang out with often, but sometimes they couldn’t get dinner or whatever, and if I go for more than 12-24 hours without hanging out with anyone, I start to get depressed quite rapidly.</p>

<p>Anyway, original roommate was planning on moving back in when his best friend was going to study abroad, but it turned out his roommate canceled his SA plans. So two days before Spring semester begins, he emails me and one other guy, the guy who is set to move in to his best friend’s empty space that he had been squatting in.</p>

<p>He asks if it would be okay if he and the new guy could swap places so he could continue living with his friend. The other guy already responded with “Yes” so I didn’t have much of a choice, I wasn’t going to be a dick and stop him from his sweet arrangement. </p>

<p>It wasn’t until afterward that I found out that my new roommate is a self-absorbed snob who could care less about having a conversation with me, despite my efforts to try. To be fair, I don’t think we have much in common anyway, as he’s a kind of effeminate gay guy (and I don’t mean that in a homophobic way, just that our interests and demeanors are totally different.)</p>

<p>Now he is quiet, he doesn’t blast music, he doesn’t have friends over all the time, which I do appreciate. He just acts as if he’s constantly annoyed, or too good to speak to meor whatever. It really bugs me, because I think I can get along with a variety of people really well, except for unfriendly or snobbish people, who are my one exception. I had great roommates my first two years so I don’t know why I had to strike out now. =(</p>

<p>Anyway, I need advice on this, so my options are:</p>

<p>1) E-mail original roomie and ask him to move back in. He would be unlikely to do this, and even if he did, I wouldn’t want him ****ed at me the entire semester for screwing up his sweet arrangement with his friend.</p>

<p>2) Go on our room swap system, but see if anyone would be willing to move into my room instead of swapping with me. Or see if my current ******bag roommate would be willing to move out. I would just have to “screen” people and see how well I would get along with them, while not trying to scare them off with my whole “I get lonely easily” schpiel at the same time.</p>

<p>Option 3: ???</p>

<p>If anyone’s had any experience with unfriendly, self-absorbed roommates, let me know. Should I just count my blessings that he’s not loud and he doesn’t keep me up and settle?</p>

2

<p>“Should I just count my blessings that he’s not loud and he doesn’t keep me up and settle?”</p>

<p>-Yes, count your blessings. It sounds as though he’s a decent roommate—he’s not keeping you up at all hours. He’s not coming in drunk and puking all over the room. He’s not bringing back girls to the room and kicking you out so he can have sex. He’s not harassing you. It’s not his responsibility to be keep you from feeling depressed or lonely. </p>

<p>-Your original roommate doesn’t want to move back into the room. He’s happy where he is now. </p>

<p>-Your current roommate is paying for 1/2 of the room–remember that. If he wants to move out, it’s his decision and it’s not up to you to suggest that he move out. If you don’t like the current arrangement, then you should be the one to deal with lugging and shlepping your stuff to another room. </p>

<p>-If you decide to move out of your current room and move into another room, you could end up with a loud obnoxious jerk.</p>

<p>Stick it out. In the meantime, start making plans for next year’s living arrangement. Housing stuff usually starts in March for the upcoming year. Ask the guys in your “good group of friends” if one of them would like to room with you next year. Don’t wait until the last minute to lock in the roommate of your choice for next year. Remember that both parties must make the request.</p>

3

<p>Make the best of your situation. Treat your current roommate with respect, don’t judge him, and his “unfriendly and self absorbed” behavior may be his way of protecting himself and his privacy.
He sounds like an ideal roomie compared to the nightmares described on similar threads.
You don’t have to be friends but make your room a place you both can get along peacefully.</p>

4

<p>Your roommate is under no obligation to be your buddy. My roommate is the same way. As long as he is being civil and following school policy, you don’t have a leg to stand on in trying to get him out. YOU, on the other hand, are fully entitled to find a new space if you are unhappy. That is what I am trying to do as well.</p>

5

<p>It’s called life. Unlike high school, you have to be able to work and/or live with people you don’t get along with. It is only going to get worse when you leave school and get a job. You can’t get your boss to fire a co-worker every time you think he or she is a drag. As someone said before, your roommate is under no obligation to be your friend. You just share a room. Would be nice, but not required, and not the end of the world.</p>

6

<p>I’m sorry I’m sorta like the other roommate… except I’m not gay or a guy. When I get back, I’m REALLY tired… I usually talk to my roommate but sometimes I just nod and don’t say much else because I need “me” time… and silence… i have an internship, 17 units, and a part time job. I don’t like talking… after all that… I just need to sit… and stare at the wall (literally) and I have insomnia ontop of this. OMGE.</p>

7

<p>There are many worse roomies you could have than one who just doesn’t talk to you very much. And if you try to do a room swap, you’re probably going to end up with one of them.</p>

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<p>This is one of the many reasons why I hate my current roommate.
Just because you were randomly assigned to the same room does not make you automatic friends if you don’t click/have anything in common. It does not mean that I have to talk to you and it doesn’t mean I have to hang out with you or show you around places or help you with your homework. I have better things to do than to make sure some stranger I don’t know feels happy. We’re adults now, suck it up. </p>

<p>Maybe he just doesn’t like you. It happens. You don’t have anything in common so what is there to talk about, really? I wouldn’t be surprised since you are the that seems like a self absorbed snob, honestly. Wow you want him to leave just because he won’t talk to you?
Jesus, I’d KILL for a silent roommate. There seems to be nothing wrong with him, at all. You are seriously very lucky since every roommate I’ve had is like…well like you, basically. But worse.
And no one is going to move anywhere because of this lame ass excuse.</p>

9

<p>*** OP?</p>

<p>You’re roommate sounds great. You’ve pretty much said so yourself:</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>You know what I had to put up with the first few weeks of 1st quarter? Loud roommates blasting music at 1am weekdays, boys who I did not know coming in and out of my BEDROOM whilst I was asleep, and aggressive, somewhat rude girls who left their hair in the sink.</p>

<p>Has it ever occurred to you that maybe your roommate is shy? Timid? Some shy people come off as snotty and cold because of their demeanor, but oftentimes, that is not the case. They are scared of saying the wrong thing or feeling like the loser. And the fact that you described him as “effeminate” or possibly gay may have something to do with his silence. That or he is just tired…doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t like you.</p>

<p>And if he didn’t like you, I can easily see why. You’re a jerk.</p>

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<p>You want a new roommate because this kid doesn’t want you for a BFF?</p>

<p>dubyutee eff?</p>

11

<p>Count your blessings, he’s quiet, he doesn’t bother you, he doesn’t keep you up at night, he doesn’t sexile you, etc, etc, etc… Sure, it would be nice if he was more friendly toward you, but you’re extremely lucky he treats you respectfully in all other aspects of your roommate “relationship”. </p>

<p>He’s certainly done nothing out of line here so expecting him to move is just plain wrong. If you’re unhappy, you should be the one to move.</p>

12

<p>

AGREED.
He doesn’t seem to have a problem, you do.</p>

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<p>The onus is always on the dissatisfied one to leave or not – telling your roommate to leave is not an option, especially when he isn’t breaking any rules or anything. Roommates are simply that: Roommates. They aren’t obligated to be your friends or do anything other than be respectful of your living space and vice-versa. </p>

<p>And, some people are just more reserved/introverted/shy than others. At any rate, be glad that you have a respectful roommate. However, you’re entitled to switch out of your room if you want someone else, but just keep in mind that there are obvious risks.</p>

14

<p>This isn’t the ideal situation (I clicked great with my roommate and we are friends 3 years later), but it isn’t the worst (my friends had roommates who peed or puked on their stuff, were loud, were messy, sexiled them AND were not friendly!).</p>

<p>This is grounds for YOU to switch roommates, but consider the risks here. You have friends. You have a clean, quiet room to sleep in. Are you perhaps asking for too much? </p>

<p>This is of course NOT grounds for you to ask your other roommate to move back in (yeah, I’m sure he’d be way friendlier to you if you guilted him away from his buddy…not), or for the other guy to move out (***? It’s his room as much as yours, if you’re the one with the problem and he is keeping with school rules and policy, do not insult him by asking him to move out).</p>